Not so long ago we wrote a fantastical and utterly accurate diary and even scribbled down an early access review. So I hope that gives you an indication of how much life it ate.
So please enjoy this video. Or if you’re not in the mood to watch a 20 minute vid, please enjoy a summing up after the break.
Vix the master builder, Lloyd the turkey whisperer and some guy called Scott finally reach the end of their camping adventure. Yes, all of this really happened in game, in fact, I had to omit tiny details or we would have been here all day.
Does it end in an enviable bloodbath? Would they all survive the year? What will become of Gerald the gentleman monkey?
You know the score by now, we are rapidly reaching a conclusion to our grand camping adventure.
Let’s dip into the penultimate diary of Lloyd, Vix, Scott and introducing the fine upstanding gentleman monkey Gerald.
Mei the Assassin joins the drunken survivors comprised of Vix, Lloyd and me, Scott in their wacky (they are most certainly not!) adventures in RimWorld.
A camp has been set up, food prepared and strangely, a collection of Turkeys has been gathered. Somehow no-ones died and chaos has generally been averted. It’s all been quite polite really. Well there was that time they brutally murdered a bloke called Tiger and dumped him round the back of some rubble. It’s been mostly polite.
Let’s dip into what they’ve been up to?
Part one introduced us to the incredible team of Lloyd the pissed, Vix the master builder and some other guy as they began a slapdash attempt at survival in a harsh alien environment. Oh, also Gerald the monkey, don’t forget the pet monkey. They had survived a season without any serious problems and now we ask the question.
Wot next?
In an incredible turn of events Rimworld allows you to set up your own scenarios. Joy! We can’t pass this opportunity up. Let’s see what happens when we set the game to it’s more interesting randomised settings. How will our three campers fare in the: –
Wot could possibly go wrong?
Hnnngh my head… what the hell did I do last night? Wait, what have I been doing for the past week… Hnnnnngh.
Oh yeah.
Rimworld.
Wanna hear all about it?
Unfortunately these games take over a year to review, especially as I’m not a fan of cracking premature opinions to a strict deadline. I know, it doesn’t help the clicks. (Note – need more clickbait). Wait, new Nier’s out already!? Wait, I don’t have advertisers to suppliant!
Good news! I have played lots of other games. Bad news. I’ve not had the ability to really get my teeth in them. Unsuitable for review purposes you might say. Could also say that most of them didn’t deserve the time.
It would be a shame for all that fantastic knowledge to go to waste. So let’s go through each and every one of them. In a paragraph or two. So c’mon guys, check out this hot take.
I don’t know what a hot take is. Why is it hot? Truth be told, it’s likely cold now.
C’mon guys, check out this cold take.
Me Sir?
Lumpy applause.
“For the last time tonight, your nominees are: -”
ARGHHH, Run away! Run away! They have actual armour!
“The Winner is…”
So you command a police force: The computer game. Wonderful. I really do enjoy these types or games and it’s been a while since I’ve played a decent one. Imperio…. isn’t that a make of car? What a rather silly name.
Ok, let’s talk about why this game pisses me off so much.
If you’re tempted to spend your days lazily writing about gamey-ma-jiggers, may I offer the following handy advice?
Don’t play the Witcher 3. You won’t have time for anything else. It’s a 10/10 game, but you knew that already didn’t ya.
