Throwing a number next to some thoughts. Yep!
Seems like a pretty good idea to me.
All of our short reviews will have a numbered score to free you of reading obligations. What’s a short review you ask? We’ll try to explain that here, but only if you’ve been a good boy/girl/hamster.
We use the full scale of 1 to 10 here me-laddio. 5 out of 10 is average, because it’s in the middle. 7 is pretty good because its better than average. To reiterate 7 is NOT a bad fucking score, ok.
Now please enjoy this list of numbers ordered in a pleasing way, with some light explanation.
10/10 – Perfection does not really exist. Games given a little 10 are filled with magic. Such a thing will be remembered in the future, possibly worshipped by future civilisations long after we are gone. These are rare occurrences.
9/10 – Is an amazing game. Special, sincere, a new form of experience or something perfected. Why isn’t it a 10? It could easily be a ten, but we know a sequels coming and we need an extra number to show it’s a lil better. Lovely stuff.
8/10 – A great game that will resonate with you. A technical achievement, special idea or bathed in shiny game polish that will encourage favoured memories even whilst it gathers dust.
7/10 – A very good game that will delight for a good time. It might have a serious issue holding it back, or strange design choices. Possibly by a foolish and greedy company.
6/10 – An above average game, maybe with the odd great idea or concept, but missing something important, like polish or quality control. That or it’s merely good. If this was a disease it would be scurvy.
5/10 – Utterly Average. Fun could still be had from this. Some may even love this game if it tickles such personal perversions, but for most it will inspire a pleasant shrug. If this was a sandwich, it would be plain cheese without pickle, in the bread you dislike the most.
4/10 – Bland, missing a vital ingredient. Not a bad game, but not one that would be remembered.
3/10 – A very poor game indeed. Something went seriously wrong here. Although you never know, it might make you laugh, or it might have a decent idea poking around here. But its crap, yeah.
2/10 – A terrible game. I don’t think you can play this to even enjoy how crap it is.
1/10 – Dog shit with a broken control pad stuck in it. I’m hoping this score is as rare as the perfect 10… time will tell… time will tell.