Dynamic Duo! Terrible Twosome! Pair of Thieving Cunts!
SHORT FAKE REVIEW: PS4 VERSION
Please sit down in an oversized cozy chair as I regale you with some affable lies. YES! We shall review Uncharted 4 without playing it.
No, I didn’t manage to get a stolen copy, nice work crooks. Anyway, lets predict the gaming media’s reviews!
Uncharted 4: A Thimbles End begins with an bombastic intro. Taking cues from all your favourite Hollywood films, it explodes on screen with exciting set pieces and some climbing that you cannot fail. (more…)
An in-depth examination of the two heavyweight candidates.
Some say that America as a whole is going through something of an IQ test, but this is a completely unfair point. It’s far more nuanced then reducing the matter to a simple disparaging sentence. The anger and apathy of the American population towards the ‘ruling elite’ allows for such a vacuum in power.
Scene – A very bland apartment block, not cheap, not expensive. Paper thin walls. Nice area, excellent travel connections and a school nearby if you’re planning to have kids.
Block of Cheddar enters the room at in incredibly slow pace. Squinting it surveys the room, mumbles a quip and flicks his ponytail. No really, I have no idea what the quip was, sounded like “iwillbruiseyouenvironmentmustbesavedbusinessisbad”.
Block of Cheddar is ‘at one with the earth’ because he’s a Native Indian, or Japanese or something, something, honour, that’s not made clear. Being Honourable also means he doesn’t really have to speak or be interesting.
RETROSPECTIVE: PC (ON RELEASE) / PS4 (DEFINITIVE EDITION)
Waking Cats. An exciting brand new open world game from four years ago, that was pretty good. Probably. I’ll be off then…
Not too long I got really bored of open world games. Bloody strange when you think about it. I got bored of possibility. The open world clones didn’t open the world far enough. Every game was content to change up the formula by a small increment. Again, very strange when you consider that you get to invent a whole new microcosm. A lil’ light bulb flashes above Mr Reginald GameMaker’s head before deciding… let’s make it just like all the others! Maybe chuck in a few mini-games or a tower to climb. I mean, you don’t really need poorly made bowling games in open world games. Very recently that’s changed with some outstanding game releases, including Orcs, Witchers and some Metal Gears, but not so long ago back in 2012 this little gem was released…
An unfair review based on two episodes of Season 1. Great fun was had by the writer.
The pilot episode of Banshee sets everything up nicely with great action sequences and a simple plot. I especially love the main character’s jaw. He looks like an even angrier Andrew Falkous chewing a whole pack of wine gums.
Antony Starr Andrew Falkous
Spoilers ahead, but the show’s 3 years old now, is it still a spoiler? Anyway, it really doesn’t matter.
Super fop, Super mop, Super Cop starring Jackie Chan.
I’ve played some amazing games that break the fourth wall in recent times. Stanley Parable, Undertale, Pony Island and now Superhot.
The Stanley Parable was ridiculously clever and very few games have ever made me laugh as much. Undertale is an incredible adventure that has heart. Both of these games are special and toyed with the relationship between player and creator. Playing Pony Island soon after Undertale… juuuuust about got away with it.
Satanic Knife-set, Lucifer Shivs, Devil Chopsticks, Robert Duvall Digger.
Devil Daggers chucks you far in to the deep end. No tutorials, no guidance and a swift death. You operate within a small space with Eldritch Monstrosities throwing themselves at you until you weep and run away. Or attempt to shoot them whilst running away, mostly running away.
Why… that could make for a rip-roaring fun time! (more…)
Go on, look at it. Look at the lovely Pixels you pervert.
I’ve kickstarted a fair few games in the past and knew actually what I was getting myself into. A tough, pixel art, top down exploring adventure. So what did we get? A tough, pixel art, top down exploring adventure.
That’s good then.
Update – Score has been amended due to pleasing updates.
Do you like football? Do you like football computer games? Do you like ankles? Do you like underwear combustion tablets? No reason, I’m just interested.
We don’t have much time. Let’s get into this immediately. The controls to PES 2016 are wonderfully contextual. No messing with special button combinations to flick the ball around the pitch, the passing’s crisp, the player AI’s superb, it looks great. Want to ping the ball across the pitch? Sure thing, Baines.
So there you have it, PES 2016 is the very best football videogame at this current moment in time.
My jaw dropped with Star Wars Battlefront. It’s amazing. It looks bloody amazing. The sound, the setup, the Hoth. After enjoying the Beta I had seen everything I needed to see and enjoy. I didn’t need to revisit it, the only mode I may have continued to enjoy was the local co-op mode, but that was a bit of a mess, at least in the demo. My time with it was complete, balance was brought to my wallet.
Remember all, we do have a lovely glossary to combat the nonsense language to compliment the following computer game gibberish
Ye gods people, I’m outraged. Outraged, I say. Not only can giant publisher Warner Brothers sell you a completely broken Batman: Arkham Knight on the PC, but they can sell you a Linux port they don’t intend to release, forcing you to enquire for the refund yourself. You’ve pre-ordered nothing, nothing you fools! Keep buying promises from habitual liars. (more…)
Chocolate Reign, Chocolate Reign, riding through the glen, Chocolate Reign, Chocolate Reign, with its tiny men.
The spiritual sequel to Syndicate and Syndicate Wars… wait lets start that again.
The spiritual sequel to two of my favourite games of all time had been kickstarted to the tune of £461,333. Not the greatest sum of money ever raised. I hope they acquired additional funding. I mention this merely to expose what a triumph Satellite Reign is. (more…)
How to recommend tv comedy? Blimey, I don’t know what you like, how could I?
Sure, some universal comedic constants remain throughout cultures. We can all appreciate a small child being hit by a car on “You’ve Been Framed” or “Kids Do the Funniest Things”, or (what we now call) the Internet, but some other people might not enjoy it quite as much as you do.
Look into my eyes, not around my eyes, into my eyes
It was around 9.45pm and the night was very dark. The clouds were acting like an aggressive nightclub bouncer to the pale moon and the wind whistled its ominous tune. Not a jaunty tune, not like a showtune like the other night. (more…)