I did not watch this film as I was playing the cripplingly addictive Motorsport Manager. The movie played in the background.
I refuse to look up the plot, characters or even basic details such as character names; all in the name of journalistic integrity.
I’m confident that watching the film at periodic intervals with a single eye, is the correct universal method of watching Assassin Creed. Please do not attempt this method with a Torment: Tides of Numenera, as such a game requires your full focus.
You prepare the cars, race the cars, and sing the cars theme tune.
Have you ever wanted to experience the giddy thrill of the motorsport management? No…No… Not the cool driving bit, the sitting in the office bit. I’ve no interest in car sports and even less interest in the management side of things. So we bellow from the rooftops, “why am I playing this game and will it send me full Ecclestone?”
That was it for car-themed references, we won’t try that again.
Come one, come all. Welcome to the grand closure of a game mode I’d completely forgotten about.
I very much enjoyed Elite Dangerous, up until the time I didn’t. That wonderful apathetic feeling snuck up on me slowly like a cheeky, possibly green Thargoid* in an oversized stetson hat. I must confess, I didn’t visit Elite Dangerous: Arena, the all-action dogfighting spin-off. By all-action I mean, classic continually-turning spaceships attempting to get behind one another, in a glorious loop of attrition.
* A Thargoid isn’t a hemorrhoid cream, but the name of the aliens in the Elite universe.
Anyway, you can no longer buy Arena as a cheap standalone extra anymore. No players, playing, you see. As this modes redundancy arrives as we ask the more important question.
Sometimes I look at a game’s file size and think, “wow over 500 MB. I’d love to see that crammed on a ye’ old cartridge! 90 hours of the finest midi music? Offph, just look at the size of that programming.”
As a twinkly eyed youth I loved Dougle Dragnet and I’m unsure why there would be a direct sequel in 2017.
I hope the development team have taken note of all the lovely modern progress that’s going around.
On the first watch The Big Short makes for a good impression.
With a second watch, in the age of gaseous hair mounds, the film’s quite prescient.
Making a film about the boring ol’ financial crisis is a potentially foolish endeavour, as we all have attention spans of spanners. No-one says the word spanners anymore. People used to say “that’s blokes a spanner”. I don’t know why being a spanner is a bad thing, I just know that it is. If you do decide to look up spanner pictures, my preference is those adjustable ones, you know the ones? Adjustable an’ that. Now that’s a very fine spanner.
“Things to watch due to the social and cultural insanity of today”.
I’m sure many of you would have missed this film, as typing “God Bless America” isn’t on your daily web browsing agenda. Maybe it is? I don’t know who’s reading this? Who are you people!
Is it lazy to reference similar things? Bah… Let’s be lazy. It will inform your peculiar tastes immediately. God Bless America has a touch of Kick-Ass, Network, Leon and, of course, Idiocracy. Plenty of people reference Falling Down as that’s the most obvious… Not us. Oh no, we won’t reference that!
Did that help pique your interest? Go on you naughty tyke, on your way, go enjoy the film. If you haven’t watched any of the above films…. You’ve got some work to do. You can always return later. Good luck.
Super franchise! All your favourite heroes! Running around toget- wait, anti-heroes! A bunch of bastards running around together, doing things!
We got the best actors and CGI and no scriptwriters and the sexy outfits! Battles… YOU WANT BATTLES! We got all the battles. BANG! Franchise! All of your favourites appears, such as “shooting gun man” and “sexy lady!” The word “franchise”. This isn’t a film, it’s an event!
You sir! Oh yes, and you Madam! Are you interested in a new Nintendos?! Come, gather ye round, where I shall talk about nothing in particular, about a thing that isn’t out for a few months! Who knows ey’? WHO KNOWS?!
Can you taste that… it’s excitement. Excitement all over the shop! Oh, and the sound of a thousand keyboards duplicating carefully worded press-releases about a thing you can buy! See… I’m doing it right now. Blib, blib, blib… blob, blob, blob. Blib.
So we’ll talk about some boring facts before descending into opinions, shrugs and possibly, hope. Mostly shrugs.
A bit of the ol’ hippidy-hops. I’m afraid we missed out on the wholesome Xmas and New Year songs. Sorry.
What you need is a nice scratchy irritable sound to compliment this bleak cold beginning to a year. There’s something strangely addictive about this racket. Would make for a good ringtone, especially in a nice quiet library.
Before DOOM we had: –
Not into the man-talking music? That’s ok… I also had some man-shouting trapped in my head. Take your pick. It’s like a popular song this! Shocking.
ROYAL BLOOD – FIGURE IT OUT
Lastly I’m happy to report Run the Jewels 3 came out over the Xmas period. Hooray! It’s good too. Sign up from their website the freebie.
We review the review? Sounds stupid. You might have a point…
It took me 3 attempts to get into Dark Souls. You could correctly argue that’s the games fault. You could even argue that’s my fault for not getting it. Whatever the reason I changed my mind about the game some time later.
Time is a better judge of character then a snap opinion.