Features

Opinions, facts, lies… lots of words in a very pleasing order, I can assure you.

Bris Funny Fest

Running A Festival In A Foreign Country

I’d always wanted to live abroad. Technically moving to London, England was living abroad after being raised in Bridgend, Wales but only a total prick would actually speak those words out loud. Sure I’d been on lots of holidays, but my FOMO was real when it came to my peers who had gone ‘travelling’, talking of their experiences as being on some sort of higher plane than my mere taster of foreign cultures. Whilst I never had the courage to take the financial leap into the red to hop on a train and discover myself, I couldn’t help feeling like I was going to regret the decision in my later life.

Fast forward more years than I’d like to admit, and I now live in Brisbane, the one in Australia. Over time I postured that even those who went travelling never really got to see a place, never got to understand the positives, negatives and tedium that a place can offer. I wanted to be taken out of my comfort zone with my close-knit group of friends and try and find my place in a city on the opposite side of the planet which I’d never been to before. Living in London saw tourists galore, and people who were there for a summer or a few months, people who barely got to scratch the surface of what living there was truly like. Life isn’t all about great experiences, it’s about everything from a good night out to filing taxes, you need to experience the bad to appreciate the good. I had a chip on my shoulder that I needed to get chiselled off one way or another. My then-girlfriend now-wife was a huge inspiration to making it a reality, having lived in multiple countries of her own volition since she was a teenager. After she got the job offer in Brisbane, we decided to go for it. Meanwhile, I tried to appear as though I was assured of our decision while inwardly panicking that I was making a huge mistake.

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hollywood

Hollywood: Rumours! Rumours we say!

You simply won’t BELIEVE number 5!!! if you do, i’ll find you. and kill you.EXCLUSIVE

Secret scoops about all your favourite Hollywood celebs!

Wow! What have you uncovered this time? I said get on with it you pleb!

WOW! For earlier scoops, click here and maybe… Here. It doesn’t matter. It’s a pack of lies.

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Hey, It’s That Guy!

THE FIRST (BUT DEFINITELY NOT THE LAST) LADY ENTRY IN ‘HEY, IT’S THAT GUY!’.

Every so often you’re flicking through TV channels and you come across a serious law enforcement drama. You know, like CSI or Law & Order. Or maybe NCIS. Or maybe NCIS Los Angeles. Then you notice that it stars LL Cool J & Chris ‘O Donnell. Where’s Chris ‘O Donnell been all this time?  I’m not sure if I can take him seriously as a policeman or whatever NCIS officers are. Why does something explode in every single episode of this show?

Sorry, I got slightly distracted there. Hey, I recognise that lady playing his boss…

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VR jerks header

Mainstream Press Do Thing with VR

Guardian Headline – I tried to work all day in a VR headset and it was horrible.

Our Heading –  The No Shit Award!

Or even…

I absolutely love it when a wanker, wanks into a hairdryer and complains his balls are burnt.

“I persuaded my editor to let me give it a go, doing a day’s work living in a virtual world created by the Oculus Rift.”

Wait, why does this article bother me so much?

I”ll explain why. Hooray!

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hollywood

Even More Hollywood Exclusives!

YOU WONT BELIEVE NUMBER 1! Forget the other numbers, just read the first number of the list. you won’t even need to read the rest. just the first Bloody number. go on, you won’t believe it. honest.EXCLUSIVE

Welcome to even more scoops from the Gutter!

A selection of scandals you have already read before, now with augmented pictures to back up the many, many lies!

GADZOOKS! For earlier scoops click THIS or THIS! You won’t regret it! CLICKY CLICKY CLICK!

CLICK HERE!

dirt cheap

Top 10 Cheap Playstation 4 games

The Playstation Pro is fantastic news for those buying a standard Playstation 4 on the cheap!

Thinking of upgrading to the latest (3 years old now) generation of console gaming?

Great news! A weighty back catalogue of top-notch games await for the incredible sum of next to nothing. Handy, as you’ve just blown most of your budget on the fancy games machine itself.

Please enjoy the following recommendations. Also, congratulations on holding out.

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the fat controller

Stability, Servers and the Haunting Silence

Dear friends, our collective hobby has grown at an expedited rate. Newly-formed mega-conglomerates pursue and concentrate on ergonomic facades that perpetuate perceived business opportunities in the digital entertainment sphere.

At times this creates perplexing methods which defy expectation or logic. – Oh… a Sangria. I do like a nice Sangria.

So, business practices of the… Hey, where did all this booze come from?

Multimedia conglomerates hold all the cards with the new digital fronti- You know, this rum will almost certainly need a few ice cubes. I’ll go grab some.

Erm, where was I?

Oh yeah, click more for a rant about modern gaming an’ that, whilst I consume the odd fruit juice or two. In fact let’s have a couple now, to loosen me up. Lovely, lovely, stuff.

What? It will be fine

Haptic header

Haptic feedback and you: Exciting Technology News

Some lesser people would use the term “exclusive” whilst bragging about technology other people haven’t had the privilege of messing with. Not us though, oh no. We would never stoop so low.

The following article contains exclusive revelations to hopefully excite you into a gibbering frenzy.

Apology – I wish to apologise for both the quality of the above joke and the duality of the incredible lie, as the following prototype has been around for 10 years. I’m both saddened and proud by such outrageous claims and the abuse of the general public’s ignorance on new technological matters. Thank you for your patience and please hit like, subscribe and give me money. I will lie again.

We have a new way of viewing the world around us with the introduction of affordable Virtual Reality. Now all we need is a new way to interact with these worlds.

Let’s talk Haptic controls.

So what the hell is a haptic-ma-jigger? Can it make me a cup of tea? What are you talking about? Why should I care about this thing? I don’t know what it is, can I buy one?

Tell me more!

New York Observations

Idiot musings of a Londoner wandering the streets in some form of gigantic apple.

Hooray! So I went to that Americos, the Land of the Free an’ that. It was fun. How does it compare to sunny, upbeat cheery London?

Would you like a fantastic and exciting list on my findings?

Top 7 list

Mad Max

The inability to play a Mad Max

It sits in the pile, a fine game indeed. I cannot get up, cannot plug in. Time passes, i relent, I click Rocket League again.

Mad Max, is an open world game with exciting car chases, wandering and meaty combat. 

Purchased at the beginning at the year I acquired Mad Max and immediately slogged through the early story missions. I fannied around in the sand dunes, an’ bombed around in Max’s car. Much enjoyment was had. After a few days of play I didn’t return. So how did I manage to play everything else in my collection but Mad Max?

How does that happen?

Let’s evaluate my poor tired brain

rift

Hey, do you remember that VR thing?

From the pen of the swanky games journalist

Let’s reinvigorate the excitement glands as we take a trip down virtual lane. 

Virtual Reality headsets are viable now! Remember the Virtual Boy?! Crazy; those crazy Nintendo guys. Put on the special headset, open your eyes and sit in an F1 car, walk through the accountants office or even fly like a bird! You wont puke up, this is the future. You living in the future right now. But remember, vomit will not spill from your gob.

vr 2

Mmmm, yes, that’s is very good VR.

Year before release. Best pre-order that VR as soon as possible, don’t get left behind, you chumps. We’ve been playing VR a year before release. Eiffel Tower in your house! We can’t describe the experience, you have to try it.

More exciting VR hype!

Hey its that guy2

Hey It’s That Guy!

ANOTHER RECOGNISABLE ACTOR WHOSE NAME HAS COMPLETELY ESCAPED YOU.

I’m actually finding it really difficult to write this edition of “Hey, It’s That Guy!” as I should probably just post a photo and his name and then leave you to your own personal “A-ha!” moment.

You’ll look at the photo, say “Huh, I can’t believe I couldn’t remember this guy’s name!” and think of at least 3 films you’ve seen him in.

If you’ve seen any horror/sci-fi films over the last 40-50 years, you must know today’s “that guy”.

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Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival

Kick Off Revival – Early Thoughts

It’s easy to become cynical when another name from yesteryear, pops out the woodwork to revive a classic.

But let’s not fall into that trap, let’s look a little closer shall we.

No really, what did happen to the Dino Dini generation of the 90’s?

Dino Dini… what a fantastic name! It’s also a name I hadn’t seen for a long time. So imagine my surprise when I came across Kick Off revival.

Update – Time passes. A review appears.

and thats gots mes a thinkin’

Wii U Console

Wii U – Wasted potential

Wii U Games

Just a few decent Wii U Games.

What do you mean the Wii U was a failure? A failure to whom? Business MONEY-MEN SCUM?

The general public appeared to have missed the best Mario Kart, the best Pikmin, and the best Smash Bros. The fools!

I loved what the Wii U attempted. I’m sure a lot of people did. Although…. there is one thing that tickles my annoyance gland.

Not one developer used the Wii U to its full potential. Not even Nintendo.

The following collection of words is essentially a peek into what I really wanted from this strange little box. Or more accurately, a bizarre shotgun rant aimed at no-one in particular.

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uncharted 4

Uncharted 4: Review Comparison

Like sexy criminals we broke the review embargo with the incredible gift of the imagination. Ok, I told, I told, a load of lies.

The review embargo curse has been lifted. 

Lets see how my disgusting fabrications check out against the gaming media reviews.

My ‘review’ is here for comparison. I violently insist you read it. My review score was a 9, noting set pieces, parsnips, cinematic pacing and all that other stuff Uncharted did before.

Shall we?