Videogames

Planet Xerg has come under attack from the Beastoids. Oh, computer game plots.

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Eggnogg

Oh, the games really called Eggnogg+. The plus is important 

Let’s talk about a small free game I’ve only recently found out about. I know, I’m late to the party, but at least I did show up.

Last month we reviewed Nidhogg 2 with vast amounts of booze. Sadly no-one in the group wanted to play the game again. Ever.

No problem. I guess we could replay the original Nidhogg… Oh wait. What about…

Drumroll

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Road Redemption

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

It’s like modern Road Rash they scream! “Yes”, you nod sagely. “Yes it is”.

Early Access is a strange beast. You can own the guts of a game for up to 2 years before an update appears out of the blue, and bing! You are now the proud owner of a shiny brand new game. Not sure on this term “Early Access”? … Why not check out the glossary.

rr3

Look. All I’m saying is some mudda’ is ganna get knocked the f…

Road Redemption encourages you to sit comfortably in the seat of a motorcycle, swinging shovels at fellow racers in anger.

It’s all rather exciting.

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Cuphead

Cuphead

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Cuphead had fans before anyone had the chance to play it. How do you temper mass wild expectations?

I’ll start by telling you what the game’s all about. Then I’ll descend into why I’m not a huge fan of this particular type of platform game; before I attempt to reconcile the rabid contractions whipping around in my mind. You might have to bear with me on this one.

The story is a simple one. Cuphead enrols in a soul collection scheme after being fooled by the devil. Does the gameplay match such fetching looks? Please shrug and read on.

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Heat Signature

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Aka. Warm Hancock.

I was keen to play Heat Signature the first time I come across it. It’s everything I thought it would be and ooh I’m bored of it now.

Yes. I know. One of those reviews. Please dismiss the following coherent thoughts.

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Nidhogg 2

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

I’m not saying everyone else is reviewing this game wrong…

What you will need for today’s review of Nidhogg 2: –

A copy of the game.

2 control pads.

A minimum of 3 like-minded friends.

An adequate supply of booze.

Preparation: –

Ensure your gaming area is sterilised and filled with pizza and/or chicken. Verbal game instructions are limited to “hold up on the pad, to throw ya’ weapon”.

I think we are ready to review Nidhogg.

Remember incoherence and bile are part of the charm.

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Greedy Guns

Greedy Guns

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Inspired by Gunstar Heroes you say? Metal Slug? A metroidvania shooter… Go on….

Oh dear Sir… I couldn’t possibly think of insulting you by explaining the above references. For those fresh to the genre, I believe in you. I believe in your ability to look things up.

Ever wanted to live your life as a red nosed mercenary, just like your favourite comedian on Red Nose day? Well now you can with Greedy Guns!

I could waffle on but I think you’ll probably know exactly what this games about with a single screenshot

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Light shooting shenanigans.

Doesn’t that look lovely? Greedy Guns is a product of a successful 2016 Kickstarter raising the modest sum of £11,653.00. We must ignore such humble beginnings and ask the question of any game released on a computer system. Is it any good?

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star citizen

Star Citizen: Face Nonsense

I wrote a long waffling intro about Star Citizen and promptly deleted it.

All you really need to know is…

this technology looks great! ‘Ave a watch.

Version 3.0 is soon to be released with the ability to land on procedurally generated planets, ground vehicles an’ all manner of fun things. Nice.

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Sonic Mania

SHORT REVIEW: NINTENDO SWITCH

Sonic Monomania

Sonic Mania is the natural continuation of the original 2D Sonic games from yesteryear. As the internet’s going crazy for the game let’s cut straight to it.

Is the hype and excitement warranted?

Yes.

If you grew up with fond memories of classic Sonic, you will derive much pleasure from this game.

you want to know more?

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Titanfall 2

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Let’s play a game: Guess the word of the review

Once or twice a year I (secretly) take the plunge into the murky world of online shooters. I consider them throwaway experiences. Pop in. Shoot some people. Get called Noob before moving on. I seldom speak of this odd behaviour as I never spend enough time with these games to have a strong opinion.

Wait. Does this indicate a strong opinion?

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Behold the Kickmen

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Hot News Update: Man makes computer game of the sporting variety. 

I can’t think of a better way to describe the game then copy and pasting the Steam blurb. No, it’s not lazy! How dare you for thinking such a thing.

BEHOLD THE KICKMEN is a football game made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in, what is affectionately known as “The Wonderful Game”. Start at the bottom of the Big Boring Football Spreadsheet and grind your way up to become the best at the football anyone’s ever seen.

The other, most important thing to keep in mind is the cheap, cheap price of £2.51? Gee-whizz!

Behold the Kickmen Warning

I do enjoy a good warning screen.

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Fast RMX

SHORT REVIEW: NINTENDO SWITCH

F-Wipeout Neo Superfast Racing Game: The GAME.

Fast RMX makes for a damn fine first purchase. For a start it’s a full game at the right price. Naturally, I didn’t really play it, as I’d also bought the more expensive Mario Kart. That’s the kinda game it is. Naturally ignorable.

Let’s put it in the spotlight.

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Phoenix Point: That time we chucked up a youtube clip

Bloody hell I hate adverts.

I’m glad you’ve noticed that you haven’t had to tolerate a cacophony of brightly-coloured shitty flash adverts clogging up the site. Sorry in advance for the unskippable advert on the following video.

More to the point, I’m excited about a game! The chap that created the original X-Com has turned to crowdfunding kickstarer-alike Fig to create his true successor. Lovely.

Would you like to click more?

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Bulb Boy comes to the Switch

Wait, I thought Nintendo were only going to concentrate on new games?

They did say that right? Well, I guess this is the first time Bulb Boy’s left the safety of PC-land to console valley.

Now, I’m not saying I had any influence on one of the biggest companies in the world, renowned for doing their own thing, often with baffling result; but I did say Bulb Boy would be most excellent on a phone an’ that’.

Hey, would be nice if they brought over a Towerfall, Black and White Bushido, or some other excellent single-screen local multiplayer titles to a multiplayer handheld.

Anyways, you can read my Bulb Boy pc review here. If you’re in the mood. It’s pretty short.

No… I won’t force you to click more. You can look at the Switch trailer below.

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Endless Space 2: Not a review

Endless Space is a 4x space strategy nerd game. I’ll resurrect my quote from my Stellaris review.

Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence. You’re the best, AROUND!

The first game had interesting races, smooth presentation and was very easy to negotiate.

Yes, I liked it a lot. Now that Stellaris is out the way, I’m very much looking forward to taking over the galaxy again. Always with the taking over the galaxy. Every few weeks. I can’t help it.

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The Sexy Brutale

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Nearly unlocked a platinum trophy by mistake? Blimey, I’ve played this game to death.

You wake to the same murder rich Saturday in the fantastical hotel known as The Sexy Brutale. You’ll find yourself tracking fellow guests attempting to influence their macabre fates. To stop direct meddling the guests masquerade masks angrily come to life, requiring you to keep your distance. To combat this you’ll need to peak through doors an’ prick your ears, just like you do in real life, every weekend.

Beyond the games many, many achievements I’m going to concentrate on its technical shortcomings, as I’m a total and utter bastard.

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