Videogames

Planet Xerg has come under attack from the Beastoids. Oh, computer game plots.

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Phoenix Point: That time we chucked up a youtube clip

Bloody hell I hate adverts.

I’m glad you’ve noticed that you haven’t had to tolerate a cacophony of brightly-coloured shitty flash adverts clogging up the site. Sorry in advance for the unskippable advert on the following video.

More to the point, I’m excited about a game! The chap that created the original X-Com has turned to crowdfunding kickstarer-alike Fig to create his true successor. Lovely.

Would you like to click more?

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Bulb Boy comes to the Switch

Wait, I thought Nintendo were only going to concentrate on new games?

They did say that right? Well, I guess this is the first time Bulb Boy’s left the safety of PC-land to console valley.

Now, I’m not saying I had any influence on one of the biggest companies in the world, renowned for doing their own thing, often with baffling result; but I did say Bulb Boy would be most excellent on a phone an’ that’.

Hey, would be nice if they brought over a Towerfall, Black and White Bushido, or some other excellent single-screen local multiplayer titles to a multiplayer handheld.

Anyways, you can read my Bulb Boy pc review here. If you’re in the mood. It’s pretty short.

No… I won’t force you to click more. You can look at the Switch trailer below.

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endless space 2

Endless Space 2: Not a review

Endless Space is a 4x space strategy nerd game. I’ll resurrect my quote from my Stellaris review.

Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence. You’re the best, AROUND!

The first game had interesting races, smooth presentation and was very easy to negotiate.

Yes, I liked it a lot. Now that Stellaris is out the way, I’m very much looking forward to taking over the galaxy again. Always with the taking over the galaxy. Every few weeks. I can’t help it.

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The Sexy Brutale

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Nearly unlocked a platinum trophy by mistake? Blimey, I’ve played this game to death.

You wake to the same murder rich Saturday in the fantastical hotel known as The Sexy Brutale. You’ll find yourself tracking fellow guests attempting to influence their macabre fates. To stop direct meddling the guests masquerade masks angrily come to life, requiring you to keep your distance. To combat this you’ll need to peak through doors an’ prick your ears, just like you do in real life, every weekend.

Beyond the games many, many achievements I’m going to concentrate on its technical shortcomings, as I’m a total and utter bastard.

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Rimworld gets an update – Alpha 17

Oh Rimworld. It’s the game that keeps giving.

Not so long ago we wrote a fantastical and utterly accurate diary and even scribbled down an early access review. So I hope that gives you an indication of how much life it ate.

So please enjoy this video. Or if you’re not in the mood to watch a 20 minute vid, please enjoy a summing up after the break.

Break

stellaris

Stellaris – One year later

RETROSPECTIVE: PC

A year ago today (no really) I reviewed the adequate Stellaris. Time flies doesn’t it. 

It was a good game with some glaring issues and a terrible mid-game lull. You can read about it here.

I made the bold prediction that the game would be much improved in time. After all, these are the devs continually working on the evergreen Crusader Kings II…

So, we ask the question absolutely no-one’s asking. After many an update, is Stellaris the nerd space game from my fantasies?

Man, that Endless Space 2 looks good… Let’s keep this brief.

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The Last Guardian

The Last Guardian

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION (No, not the ps4 pro)

Much like the game, this review has been fermented and released at exactly the right time. No, it’s not late!

ICO was interesting wasn’t it. A whole game of dragging a useless princess around…. I’m not sure we could make that game now. In this new age, the horned-boy would have to worry about what he’s grabbing. Blimey, was that really a game from 2001… Bloody hell everyone.

Shadow of the Colossus arrived in 2005 and has received enough praise it’s now on the cusp of becoming self aware. No, really. It’s dangerous to mention it more then once.

In the years of technical advancements since that game, how does the generation-dodging spiritual successor fare?

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That Zelda review now has a score, how terribly exciting

I acquired the game on release with wholesome bright-eyes and a whistle in my heart, before writing my initial thoughts a week later.

John Link

Do not let John Link near a pen.

A whole months dedicated play later, I finally feel comfortable in dishing out a score. Yes, you heard right, it took a month to fully absorb. That’s the kind of hard hitting hot-take you can expect around here.

Oohhh, what number did it get?

So, click here to skip directly to the review and nod. 

For those that have already read the review, why not skip directly to the score, and give an even mightier nod. If you disagree with said numbered score, please read through the word-parts for a full and frank explanation. If you are still troubled by the score afterwards, please register a complaint at the passing clouds, whilst shaking your fist.

Thimbleweed Park

Thimbleweed Park

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

I completed Zac McKracken without a guidebook. You may bask in reflected glory… Now.

One of the gentlemen* who created one of my favourite games* of all time, has returned to the genre* he helped popularise. Thanks Kickstarter.

Guess I should review this really. I mean, I did throw money at the idea. For comparison I’ve put some of my 2014 thoughts about Broken Age at the end of review.

Ronald Gilbert* / Monkey Island* Point and Click Adventure games*.

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Berserk and the Band of the Hawk

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

How many issues can a man ignore? Before you call him a fan?

I’ll begrudgingly waste my introduction on what ‘Berserk’ and ‘Musou’ things are. So don’t be afraid to skip ahead to the review. I’m going to make this as boring as humanly possible, you deserve it.

Musou is the title given to the Dynasty Warrior games and their many, many spin-offs. You take control of a powerful individual slicing through hundreds of soldiers to carry out objectives on a teeming battlefield. Nice. Sometimes you’re charged with dicing a particular enemy, or the most dreaded of missions in which you protect an idiot AI. Damn your eyes escort missions! These games are closely related to the side-scrolling beat em up of yesteryear. Mindlessly therapeutic. Not for everyone.

Berserk is a grim 1988 manga adapted to every other medium known to man, and is a direct inspiration for things you might already love. I’m pretty confident few people are reading this review without a passing knowledge of the source material; which begs the question, why are you reading this intro? I told you, this is for those without any knowledge of Berserk. Are you mocking me? Oh yes, it’s a big laugh for you isn’t it. ‘Look at him, wasting his time, explaining the things we already know’. Shall I dance now? Dance for your entertainment.

Sigh, anyway. Berserk tells the story of Guts the lone mercenary, and his sexy friendship with another man, and his mercenary group the Band of the Hawk. I’d suggest any newcomers watch the 2012 films, or original 1997 series. The game does a terrible job at digging into the story.

I’m tired now, and that was pretty boring. I’ll finish this tomorrow.

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