Planet Xerg has come under attack from the Beastoids. Oh, computer game plots.
I seldom do previews for so many reasons*. But when Julian Gollop, the creator of X-Com returns to the genre… yep… this is one of the few occasions I’m excited enough to put words to paper.
Yes. i’m fully aware that this is not paper, smartarse. No, I refuse to say smartass.
Righto. I’m off to try it now.
Persona is a Japanese role playing game based around high school and the duality of man (oi and woman!) Taking charge of the charismatic mute Joker, you adventure into the consciousness of the corrupt, leading the swashbuckling Phantom Thieves of Hearts. A group dedicated to Justice and proclaiming terms like “Justice!” loudly whilst holding a clenched fist.
After 116 hours I can now talk about this game for days. I’ll try my best not to.
This review has been brought to you by a man who has never played a Persona game before. These days it’s a real effort to divert a 100 hours of my life to anything.
Back in those heady days of 2016 the first Attack on Titan game was quite a surprise. Web-slinging around a map populated by monstrous titans is (still) a novel concept, which ultimately, became repetitive. Hilarious when you consider that more happens in a single 24 minute episode of Attack on Titan than most other shows.
Hold up… if the first game became repetitive, how does the sequel fare?
The Omega collection throws together the most recent Wipeout games into one handy remastered package. Nice. Originally released on the 7th of June 2017 a free update has given us Virtual Reality across all modes. Normally they charge a fiver for the privilege, so this is a welcome surprise.
Whilst racing at 300 mph I often stop to look at the clouds.
Welcome to the descriptive part of the introduction. Everyone with the nost basic knowledge of a Wipeout can skip directly to the article … now!
HAH! I lied. Those arrogant readers, skipping over the introduction. Just who do they think they are? I’ll let you into a secret. Wipeout is a killer app for a certain type of person. Or for 20 minutes, depending on ya’ stomach. For a freebie this is one of the very best virtual experiences I’ve had on the ol’ PSVR. The speed and clarity is potent. It feels like it was custom designed for VR. It’s a 9 out of 10 from me. Now you don’t need to read the rest article*. Well done.
*How dare they skip over the actual article! Can you believe them? They have no idea what makes the game great. I could have been lying about the score!
Welcome to the real Description Corner: Now with added boring.
Wipeout is a futuristic anti-grav racing game that’s been around since the original Playstation. The game emphasises speed, weapons and a pumping electronic soundtrack. People tend to forget that the original game was very harsh, as hitting the sides really screwed up ya lap times. Thankfully the games are a little more forgiving now. Arcade racing fun for all the family. Yes. All the family. Even little Jimmy… but not Jonny, the rat-bastard.
I recall that the first-person mode had the potential to induce sickness. Happy times. Wait… How does that work with VR?
Welcome to your obligatory introduction to something so well known we could review the thing in the style of abstract dance.
Shadow of the Colossus is a computer game/ film / bacon
that is a wholly original game/ HD upgrade / remake.
The original 2006 version was seminal / good / angry raccoons
and we can all agree hairy kneecaps / mumbling penis / handful of eyenog.
Can the remake uphold such a tremendous legacy?
So to compliment the review.
Welcome to…
A Nintendo Direct trailer hit the… erm.. internet streets and contained a nice surprise? At least for the likes of us as we all rather enjoy shouting at each at point blank range.
You can watch it below, if you’re in the mood.
We ask the question:
Which characters would we like to see in the upcoming Super Smash Bros?
This was an excellent Nintendo Direct. I’m hoping the next WarioWare jumps from 3DS to the Switch as it’s an ideal party game. Lastly, if you can, download the Kirby demo for the Switch, it’s bloody great. Anyway, Enough waffle…
First up, welcome Joey Jo Jo. What characters would you like to see in the new Super Smash Bros?
Into the Breach is a very simple game. I’ll not waste your time with a long winded-introduction as I’ll explain with a paragraph and picture.
It’s all mine! Top tip – Use the Control key to check enemy stats.
Within 5 rapid turns you’ll take on high stakes turn-based battles. Cleverly designed and incredibly fair. You will fail a fair few times. Each time you do, you’ll come back a little stronger and wiser.
It is not an easy game, but the campaign is quick. Some would say, faster than light. WINK!
So, now you know whether or not this is the game for you.
You’d like something a lil’ more in-depth? Come on in, why dontcha?
So I finally got my hands on some Sea of Thieves action, and I was given access to the “Sea of Thieves Scale Test!” via the Xbox Insider Hub and downloaded it immediately.
Here are my rantings.
I spent quite some time looking at the scenery from the crows nest, even at night its a beautiful world… You know it is.
Disclaimer: The following contains righteous harsh language and furious anger. Also a picture of a bowl of fruit.
Update – Now with additional picture show “Henry and the Great Fall”.
… Oh they are. How lovely; Rick and Morty’s going to be released soon. Wait, that won’t require the use of a bloody rifle! Let us enjoy a moment of frowning before hitting Google. Let’s see what games are coming out for this shooty bang-bang device.
Careful now
18 or so games. Most of them unreleased with TBA. Oh… cough.
I have a defence, Sir. I snagged the game and gun for forty quid. Impressive, right? I’ve been impressed with the actual technology. The rifle’s a giant Move controller with analogue sticks and improved gyroscopics. I seldom found the device flicking around like the ancient Move controllers. It’s pretty stable and suitably sturdy.
Anyway, what about this Farpoint game-a-ma-thingy?
The storm briefly subsides as the door opens wildly. Bundled through the long corridor we reach a small side room where two burly men swiftly move inside, planting the subject firmly in the chair. A smaller calm gentleman enters, nods and leaves. One of the burly men removes the hood and Joey Jo Jo winces under the glare of the singular burning lamp, she blinks and her calm demeanour instantly returns. One of the burly men snorts as they manhandle the door and exit.
She smirks a little and her icy composure returns. 2 hours pass before the door finally opens.
I mean, it’s not like I don’t know how it ends. The sparse lands hold no further secrets. Why, those cheeky hidden beasts.
Forget the HD upgrade, the original 2005 version still holds up today. It’s still easy to fall into this world, even with that messy control system and antiquated graphics. Shadow of the Colossus will forever retain that magic.
Not to worry guys, inferior graphics will no longer be a concern. Soon well get to enjoy a rebuilt version, complete with singular shiny bell and possibly a whistle.
Mental note – 7th of February 2018 release date.
Something unfounded is scratching at the back of my mind, though…
I had spent a lot of time with the original version of Kingdom and it wasn’t really worth talking about. A quirky little timewaster that I very much enjoyed. Wouldn’t go out of my way to recommend it to you. Couldn’t even be bothered to write a review first time round. It was a nice little game.
So here we are with, what’s very clearly an upcoming review of that dreary lil’ game with an update. You know what I’m doing right? I’m trying to alienate you. This isn’t a game for you.
Go on. Look at it.
Some horse thing an’ that
Not worth your time. Just some pixel-art horse, innit. Hop it sunshine, nothing for you here.
Everybody’s Golf has been around since the original Playstation. Yes, that computerised device from the 90’s. Totally radicool. Welcome to the mighty backlog month.
The game is also very, very pleasant with lil tinge of disappointment. I mean, you knew that already, right?
Let me explain why… but not in song.
Hey guys…
Here is a free game from one of the blokes that brought you the Stanley Parable. Not bad ‘ey.
Aren’t we all!
Will take 5 minutes of your time and is very pleasant indeed. Go on… go ahead and play Absolutely: A True Crime Story right this second.
Good day!
Once upon a time there was a magical age when videogame creators purchased licenses to completely inappropriate movies. What a time that was. As you would expect, they were fantastically terrible. Their preferred delivery system often came in the guise of a side-scrolling action shooter.
Makes the perfect Xmas present for young Timmy
A fair few stinkers have been made over the years. Here are some off the top of my head.
Decorate Fred’s fucking cave. The game.
Magical days.
What if we can bring these magical days back…?
What happens when you merge an extensive computerised wargame with a boardgame thingy called Warhammer. Ya know, that thing with Elves and Dark Elves and Elves in stetson hats.
A high fantasy computer game… I guess. Blimey, I feel a long-ass review coming on.
Oopfh… Look at the detail on that. Image courtesy of ‘ere.
Oohh, Warhammer features vampires. Neat.
For those with little knowledge of both things, let’s sum it up. You’ve a bloody big map to spawn armies from and you’ll get to decide when to march your hard earned armies into real time battles. Rather than control a thousand individual units, they are bunched into squads. Top tip, spearman are pretty good against big fleshy horses.
Oh… I can’t actually play as a vampire clan. Only battle against them. Aw.
I appreciate the vision of the Total War games. Big sweeping epic battles. Big sweeping giant maps. Big sweeping bugs. Sometimes the visions simply too big and it crushes under it’s own weight. Regardless Total War games are nearly always interesting.
Now… how interesting is Total War: Warhammer II?
Mario’s been around for over 30 years, which means there’s 30 years of terrible introductions to each game. Here’s another.
Odyssey is a continuation of the fantastic Super Mario 3D World on the horrifically dead Wii U. It was one of my favourite Mario adventures to date and such excitement can only lead to disappointment. Let’s hope not, ‘ey.
Let’s check out the platforming action in a three dimensional environment.
Did you ever read reviews of the original game?
You have? Don’t bother clicking more. I mean, the sequels more of the same. Have a nice day and good on ya. Mind how ya’ go.
Wait… you’re still here. Ok, here’s a description of the game?
Someones made a right bloody mess round ‘ere.
Hot from the wacky minds of Nintendo comes the sequel to one of the most inventive online shooters for years!
Transferring to the plucky Switch, Splatoon 2 changed things up by changing the focus from shooting the enemy, to covering the map in your chosen colour! Wowsers!
So how does the sequel change things up?
