Short Game Reviews

Short game reviews, now with scores! Now, go on your way you cheeky scamp.

stellaris

Stellaris

stellaris battle

This isn’t really what the games about. Looks nice and exciting though.

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Review of a 4x strategy game? Oh dear… Reviews for games of this genre tend to waffle on a bit, innit’. Not on this website, oh no. This calls for a short review

“What is a 4x strategy game?” you mutter. Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence.

karate kid

You are. Oh yes, you are.

Paradox Interactive have made some of the finest nerd games known to man, in fact Crusader Kings II is one of my most cherished playthings in recent years. Even if it was a massive pain in the arse to get into.

How do Paradox fare when they come to boldly, something, man has gone to something, something, before. Space.

To infinity… and beyond!

Hyper Light Drifter: Update

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

A few updates later and the game deserves, no, demands a score revision.

My original review is here. scoring an excellent 8.

Hyper Light Frog

Only leaves the house to go to the shops.

Hyper Light Guy

Hey little guy!

9Bug fixes are great. Possibly enough to bump the score to a 9, but today marks the official inclusion of local co-op. We all know what that means.

Hyper Light Drifter has been bestowed a mighty 9. 

Everything with co-op is better, even exploring a dying world or mutual cheese shop theft. Next week I’ll give it a 10 when it includes the promised FTSE 100 index trading mini-game.

Unsure what the numbers mean? A score guide can fix what ails ya’.

uncharted 4

Uncharted 4: The Thief’s Big Parsnip

uncharted 4 yeah

Dynamic Duo! Terrible Twosome! Pair of Thieving Cunts!

SHORT FAKE REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Please sit down in an oversized cozy chair as I regale you with some affable lies. YES! We shall review Uncharted 4 without playing it.

No, I didn’t manage to get a stolen copy, nice work crooks. Anyway, lets predict the gaming media’s reviews!

Uncharted 4: A Thimbles End begins with an bombastic intro. Taking cues from all your favourite Hollywood films, it explodes on screen with exciting set pieces and some climbing that you cannot fail.  (more…)

Enter the Gungeon

Enter The Gungeon

Got Gunegoned

Got Gungeoned

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I’m in love with Enter the Gungeon, it plays great, its replayable and I already know, even at this early stage, that I’ll regularly come back to it over the coming years.

But this is the internet. We can’t have nice things, so lets completely tear it apart. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You filthy internet scum, you disgust me.

(more…)

Superhot

Superhot

Superhot

Super get shot

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Super fop, Super mop, Super Cop starring Jackie Chan. 

I’ve played some amazing games that break the fourth wall in recent times. Stanley Parable, Undertale, Pony Island and now Superhot.

The Stanley Parable was ridiculously clever and very few games have ever made me laugh as much. Undertale is an incredible adventure that has heart. Both of these games are special and toyed with the relationship between player and creator. Playing Pony Island soon after Undertale…  juuuuust about got away with it.

Now we have Superhot… (more…)

Devil Daggers

Devil Daggers

Devil Duh

Welcome to Doom / Or a prog rock album cover

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Satanic Knife-set, Lucifer Shivs, Devil Chopsticks, Robert Duvall Digger.

Devil Daggers chucks you far in to the deep end. No tutorials, no guidance and a swift death.  You operate within a small space with Eldritch Monstrosities throwing themselves at you until you weep and run away. Or attempt to shoot them whilst running away, mostly running away.

Why… that could make for a rip-roaring fun time! (more…)

Hyper Light Drifter

Hyper Light Drifter

Hyper Giants

What do you mean they look creepy?

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Go on, look at it. Look at the lovely Pixels you pervert. 

I’ve kickstarted a fair few games in the past and knew actually what I was getting myself into. A tough, pixel art, top down exploring adventure. So what did we get?

A tough, pixel art, top down exploring adventure.

That’s good then.

Update – Score has been amended due to pleasing updates.

(more…)

satellite reign

Satellite Reign

satellite reign 2

Happy Day Trip

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Chocolate Reign, Chocolate Reign, riding through the glen, Chocolate Reign, Chocolate Reign, with its tiny men.  

The spiritual sequel to Syndicate and Syndicate Wars… wait lets start that again.

The spiritual sequel to two of my favourite games of all time had been kickstarted to the tune of £461,333. Not the greatest sum of money ever raised. I hope they acquired additional funding. I mention this merely to expose what a triumph Satellite Reign is. (more…)

legomarvelavengers

Lego Marvel Avengers

L-L-Lego Yeah

SHORT REVIEW: PC version

Outrageous Lego news as Marvel attempt military coup on small island in the pacific, also review of silly computer game follows

I absolutely love the Lego platform games. Smashing levels to bits is possibly some form of mild psychological issue, possibly acute toy-smash disorder. Indeed, a not-so-guilty secret, you might say. (more…)