Vix the master builder, Lloyd the turkey whisperer and some guy called Scott finally reach the end of their camping adventure. Yes, all of this really happened in game, in fact, I had to omit tiny details or we would have been here all day.
Does it end in an enviable bloodbath? Would they all survive the year? What will become of Gerald the gentleman monkey?
Some lesser people would use the term “exclusive” whilst bragging about technology other people haven’t had the privilege of messing with. Not us though, oh no. We would never stoop so low.
The following article contains exclusive revelations to hopefully excite you into a gibbering frenzy.
Apology – I wish to apologise for both the quality of the above joke and the duality of the incredible lie, as the following prototype has been around for 10 years. I’m both saddened and proud by such outrageous claims and the abuse of the general public’s ignorance on new technological matters. Thank you for your patience and please hit like, subscribe and give me money. I will lie again.
We have a new way of viewing the world around us with the introduction of affordable Virtual Reality. Now all we need is a new way to interact with these worlds.
Let’s talk Haptic controls.
So what the hell is a haptic-ma-jigger? Can it make me a cup of tea? What are you talking about? Why should I care about this thing? I don’t know what it is, can I buy one?
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Did any of you kindly upstanding people play the Shadow Warrior reboot a few years ago? It was pretty good. Before Nu-Doom stole all the party poppers and set off a one man conga line, 2013’s Shadow Warrior showed just how fun a simple ol’ fashioned gore em’ up could be. Who doesn’t like chopping demons into itty-bitty bits at top speed? Incidentally I’ve now retired the term “Nu-Doom”, so let’s not use that ever again. Ever.
So, review of a sequel ‘ey? How long before we fall deep into clichés and references to the original game…. Let’s try to avoid that, right? Right?
It’s amazing what you can accomplish on a budget. Strip away the flash and explosions and you’re often left with humanity.
When it comes to the human race’s last night on earth, humanity should really be the focus.
Made in 1998 this low budget Canadian film, starred and directed by Don McKellar has all but disappeared from retailers. So try not to confuse this with a 2010 film with the exact same name. I suspect that film’s a load of ol’ wank. I mean, it doesn’t have David Cronenberg in it, does it!
Who doesn’t like lists? Who enjoys randomised pointless conjecture regarding Virtual Reality? I do!
With Playstation VR primed for the general public, here’s a selection of game ideas I’ve been desperate to play.
Where are the trailblazing Miyamotos of the VR world? Where are the pioneers giving us experiences we simply cannot imagine? Standing about in a cave or waving a sword around is a cool tech demo, but not exactly a proper game I’ll return to again and again. New technology, same ol’ ideas. Give it time, they will come.
Mmmm, yes, that’s is very good VR.
Here’s the top 5 games I would love to play in Virtual Reality.
So you would like to play a Trash Panic? Find and wear your agreeable comfy slippers and follow this handy guide!
A PS3 game? That was a whole console generation ago? How obscure! I can hear the gasps from here. At some point in time, I suspect we’ll be unable to download old PS3 titles. Plus there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of it.
Wait, so what in the cheesehats is this game?
Trash Panic is dustbin Tetris. Released in 2009 to little fanfare it wasn’t a must-have game. Still isn’t. It is a fun two player game to play against people who have never heard of it. Should be pretty bloody cheap by now too. Brilliantly there was some sort of environmental Captain Planet message mixed into the gameplay, with naughty emissions and eco friendly ways to get rid of the trash; bless ’em.
Trash Panic is a capable single player game, but the following is a guide on how to play it with friends.
We’ve taken two rabid fans and have asked them to put five tough questions to one another.
Meet Gamerdownstreet – Fan of FIFA, please tell us about yourself?
I’d bought both FIFA & PES back in 2005, FIFA was better back then so ever since I’ve been loyal. F*%k these questions. In actual fact, don’t continue reading just go and buy FIFA 17 on XBOX One. I am not biased, screw you reading this right now, how about you go outside for once and enjoy the sunlight? Has Pokémon Go got boring for you already?! Yeah, YOU were probably one of those nerds spending real money on it too. Wait, what am I here for again? Ohhh yeah, FIFA vs PES. Sorry Scott, please go ahead.
Thank you for that rabid, unhinged outburst. Now Scott – Fan of Pro
The golden years of PES brought arcadey football to the small screen and it felt like real football, with through-balls, clever runs and one-twos. I slowly lost interest with both games throughout the years, as the yearly updates took it’s toll and a focus on tedious realism took hold. Last year’s Pro brought me back and I’ve been singing it’s praises ever since.
To be honest, I was a bigger fan of Sensible Soccer, but that went missing a long time ago.