Guardian Headline – I tried to work all day in a VR headset and it was horrible.
Our Heading – The No Shit Award!
I absolutely love it when a wanker, wanks into a hairdryer and complains his balls are burnt.
“I persuaded my editor to let me give it a go, doing a day’s work living in a virtual world created by the Oculus Rift.”
Wait, why does this article bother me so much?
I”ll explain why. Hooray!
It’s lazy and screams “Oh shit… I just come back from ma’ holidays and I ain’t got nothin’!”. Saying that, being lazy doesn’t really bother me.
It’s a fluffy puff-piece, it’s just a bit of fun, yeah. Not everything should be serious… Hang on, that doesn’t generally annoy me either. In fact, having a go at something like this is rather silly, isn’t it. Oh yeah… You forget, I am incredibly bloody silly!
Oh, I know.
It’s subversively mocking technology for the sake of mocking it, by a smug amateur in a position of privilege, who has no idea what he’s doing.
There are plenty of legitimate VR gripes to take aim at; new technology comes with that proviso. Plenty of great questions to ask. Doors can be opened when a bonafide journalist gets his teeth into an idea. But for this particular question, all you really need to do is use the fucking thing for a few hours, all mysteries magically fade away.
But no…. Snooty journalists telling you not to do a thing you wouldn’t ever consider doing, because you already know its a fucking stupid idea. Referencing a few good things doesn’t give the article a free pass. Do some real work, look into even more exciting concepts and technologies, some of which already exist! Give us real stories, stuff like this! The question could have been… what benefits are there to working in VR?
People that have used Virtual Reality already have their answers. For those that haven’t entertained VR, articles like this drift into the stereotyped image that new technology is for NERDS, like those nerds on that Big Bang Theory. Those bloody nerds, with their silly ideas and trousers. They want to work in VR don’t they, those nerds. Not like us cool media types. If you haven’t entered a Virtual Reality before, and you have a read of an article like this, VR sounds pretty bloody terrible doesn’t it. They’ll never get me working in a make-believe fantasy castle will they! The nerds coming over here! TRYING TO GET ME IN VR! The bastards, whoever they are. It’s a light-hearted piece isn’t it. I pissed away a day doing something stupid, now I have to justify it to my boss. I wont bother with any conclusions other than “this was a stupid idea” and “how does this affect me, and me alone”.
- Can’t take a sip of drink with a fucking screen covering your face?
- Hurts the eyes with a fucking screen buried into your face for an entire day?
- Hard to type on a keyboard when you fucka fucking screen over your fucking face? Fuck.
- No software for the type of work you want to carry out within a Virtual Environment?
Why do you think that is then?
I’m sure we’re due a newspaper campaign denigrating the evils of the computer game industry. That bloody Manhunt game was a bloody disgrace! It was like a snuff film, those bloody idiot kids can’t tell the difference. Down with this sort of thing. In fact this bloody VR nonsense is a child’s toy isn’t it. You can’t write Othello in it can you, can you, you silly little oinks. Hang on… I’ve just realised you can watch porn in some form of Realty! A Virtual one! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Not that I’ve watched it all and reduced my penis to a nub, but this 360-degree filth must be banned!
Oh, also you can’t drink your cafe ultra cappuccino deluxe in VR.
Handy List Time: Try to persuade your boss to allow you to do the following: –
- “I tried replacing my keyboard with trained badgers and it mostly ended in disaster.”
- “I was allowed to report on the state of the arcade scene in London, but couldn’t find any! My heartbreaking tale. – Mr R Peston”
- “An in-depth interview with CGI Tarkin ended with the primer-dona storming off set.
Disclaimer – Ok, this was mostly tongue in cheek… but I trust you had a lot of fun with the meandering rant. But c’mon, these lazy articles are a load of ol’ shit, innit.