karate kid

Faulstino’s Top 5 2016 Games Troll List

None of you have a gold plated gaming Jacuzzi. None of you matter.

Hello Little People, it is I. Faulstino Di Trickyshit. Football player, model and games entheusthac…Enthusth… Fan.

This years been a great year for me. Remember my calendar is available from all good stores! I’m particularly fond of March. Anyway, here’s a list of the best trolling efforts brought to you by the games industry this year.

Welcome to the 2016 Top Troll Games of 2016 in 2016.

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Tyranny

Tyranny

Not really SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Big wordy RPG? Oh no… This is ganna be a long ting innit.

When an ancient looking, sorry, classic Role Playing game is released in 2016, the simplest way to describe it is to reference Baldur’s Gate.

That was released over 18 years ago.

This is what happens when you grow up with games. So, for those that understand that incredibly old reference, skip to the review. If any of you young whipper-snappers have stumbled across this website by mistake, I’ll stick around and attempt to describe what an old-fashioned isometric RPG is.

Quickly.

No, there isn’t any video content… What do you mean you’ll just look it up on that youstubes. You young people, with your flashy comic-sans words, video content and hippidy-hop-scotch ways, not wanting to read things, grumble, grumble.

Tyranny gang

“So… In a dungeon again?”

You know Fallout 4 and Skyrim an’ that. Baldur’s gate is the 2D version. But better.

Rather than concentrating on beautiful vistas and slow-mo shooting, these crusty ol’ games had lots and lots of words, world-building and ideas. Some of them very silly indeed. I’m confident no RPG has come close to the original Fallouts low intelligence dialogue options. If you create a stupid character, named… erm…. “Rory Plopper”, you weren’t given a penalty to spell-casting or hacking emails. You’ve spawned a barely functioning, simpering idiot, hardly capable of speaking. Don’t you wanna play that game? Don’t you want to be Rory Plopper?

Bloody hell… even the intro was bloody long. Ok, let’s get on with it!

Skip to the Review!

Nintendo Switch

Nintendo Switch: First Look

On a talk show, within a controlled environment.

Warning: May contain Zelda gameplay. Please get excited… Now.

Blah blah blah, just watch the video from 5:40 to jump to Nintendo Switch action. No, I won’t force you to click into the article to register your interest in the matter. No, I wont force you to read my pathetic account of the video, forcing you to you scroll to the bottom of the page to hunt down the juicy video available everywhere.

Enjoy!

A few first thoughts

FIFA 17 Header

FIFA 17: Kidnap Edition

SHORT REVIEW: XBOX VERSION

Hey GamerDownStreet? I SAID HEY! Sigh… He can’t hear me from up here. Let’s go down to the basement.

Right, you play that Fifa don’t cha’. C’mon, quickly now… Give me an intro.

Cough… There’s no questioning that I like Fifa, I have for the best part of fifteen years now and it’s the only football series I’ll ever play. We don’t play that Pro Evolution garbage round ‘ere, no way. I love that EA take the same formula and literally dust it off, repackage it and sell it to us like it’s brand new. If it ain’t broke and all that…

Let’s get to work

Halcyon 6

Halcyon 6: Starbase Commander

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine the pixel art computer game; but not really, wink. 

How’s this for a piss-poor first day at work? You finally get that swanky promotion to base commander, only to witness the destruction of your beloved Federation. Those pesky uncommunicative murderous space aliens, always with the random acts of mass slaughter on your happy day. Anyway, I guess you’re the last line of defence, again. So… protect your space station and rebuild the Federation. No problem.

Hey, not the worst set up, is it? I had no idea the game was funded through Kickstarter or created in front of a baying early access crowd. It’s good to be patient.

I’m pleased to report they dodged the “cease and desist” letter from Paramount.

Let’s have a little chat

hollywood

Even More Hollywood Exclusives!

YOU WONT BELIEVE NUMBER 1! Forget the other numbers, just read the first number of the list. you won’t even need to read the rest. just the first Bloody number. go on, you won’t believe it. honest.EXCLUSIVE

Welcome to even more scoops from the Gutter!

A selection of scandals you have already read before, now with augmented pictures to back up the many, many lies!

GADZOOKS! For earlier scoops click THIS or THIS! You won’t regret it! CLICKY CLICKY CLICK!

CLICK HERE!

Driveclub VR

Driveclub VR

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

How many times can you say “It’s amazing sitting in this thing”, before a well deserved slap finds my face. Oh hum. 

I can save you some time here. If you’ve already read the EVE: Valkyrie review, replace the word “spaceship” with “car”, jump to the score and nod approvingly.

Regardless I’ll try to keep it brief. These VR reviews are starting to congeal into a brown pool of review goo with the word immersive stuck in the top. Bit like the flake in an ice cream. An immersive flake.

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No Mans Sky

No Mans Sky gets an update announcement

Blimey, that games company that made that game finally said some things? Good.

The Foundation update you say? Hah… I thought the game had a fine foundations. The static universe, displeasing hype and the lack of meaningful pursuits harmed proceedings. At least 20-odd year old Elite Frontier had light piracy, rising through the military ranks and most exciting of all, being a spacebus.

Saying that, I didn’t hate No Mans Sky at all, in fact, quite the opposite and I’m excited by what the foundation update represents.

Short post-release thoughts… incoming!

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dirt cheap

Top 10 Cheap Playstation 4 games

The Playstation Pro is fantastic news for those buying a standard Playstation 4 on the cheap!

Thinking of upgrading to the latest (3 years old now) generation of console gaming?

Great news! A weighty back catalogue of top-notch games await for the incredible sum of next to nothing. Handy, as you’ve just blown most of your budget on the fancy games machine itself.

Please enjoy the following recommendations. Also, congratulations on holding out.

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O! My Genesis

O! My Genesis

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

Wait? I get to play God for £2.49? Seriously? Count me in. Hang on one second, what am I purchasing here? Why is it so incredibly cheap?

O! My Genesis consists of a tutorial and one level. O! That price makes sense. If the concept of a paid demo bothers you, this isn’t the purchase for you. Not even at the price of a luxury sandwich.

God games are tailor-made for Virtual Reality, but is a single level of O! My Genesis enough?

is it?

Songs on Loop

Songs on Loop – #11

We The People…. – A Tribe Called Quest

For the first time in my life I’d watched an entire episode of Saturday Night Live because Dave Chappelle took over the show to recreate the early 2000s. The music was provided by A Tribe Called Quest, which was cool.

Anyway, forget word nonsense. Just have a listen of the second track of the new album. I had no idea they had a new album.

A short word

the fat controller

Stability, Servers and the Haunting Silence

Dear friends, our collective hobby has grown at an expedited rate. Newly-formed mega-conglomerates pursue and concentrate on ergonomic facades that perpetuate perceived business opportunities in the digital entertainment sphere.

At times this creates perplexing methods which defy expectation or logic. – Oh… a Sangria. I do like a nice Sangria.

So, business practices of the… Hey, where did all this booze come from?

Multimedia conglomerates hold all the cards with the new digital fronti- You know, this rum will almost certainly need a few ice cubes. I’ll go grab some.

Erm, where was I?

Oh yeah, click more for a rant about modern gaming an’ that, whilst I consume the odd fruit juice or two. In fact let’s have a couple now, to loosen me up. Lovely, lovely, stuff.

What? It will be fine

Knight Squad header

Knight Squad

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Have you ever suffered from anti-nostalgia? Remember old games you didn’t love?

Do you remember gauntlet? I do and I didn’t much care for it. No sir; not even on the swanky arcade machines, not even with 4 players.

Knight Squad appears to be from the ye ‘ol age of arcades. Can a rusty relic of an idea be improved upon in this day and age? Can my mind be swayed? Are these my feet?

Are they!?

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EVE: Valkyrie

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

Interesting fact: Casually remark to a friend that seldom plays computer games “Hey, would you like to fly a spaceship?” the majority will say “no”. What is the world coming to!

Hey you, yes you! Would you like to fly a spaceship?

Of course it’s a yes!

EVE: Valkyrie is the first proper full priced VR game I’ve acquired. Is it worth such considerable expense or is this just another short “experience”?

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Headmaster

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

I can confirm Headmaster is not a product intent on removing dead skin from your scalp.

Heading a football coming at you at pace has the potential to hurt. Luckily, within the world of virtual reality you can’t feel pain, yet.

An entire game based upon the concept of letting a football bounce off your head sounds like a great way to test Sony’s fancy-pants technology.

Where do we start then?

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Cabby Dog

Trump: Come on in! The end of the world’s lovely at this time of year.

Sitting on the correct side of an argument afford you a special type of arrogance.  It blinds you, it’s almost as strong as a religious conviction.

How could a man like Trump be president? 

It doesn’t make any sense.

In September I was sitting in New York figuring out how to eat a sandwich the size of my head when I looked up and saw Hillary Clinton giving a speech. I’d managed to gnaw through half of it before giving up and coming to the realisation, Clinton is the antithesis of Donald Trump. The perfect candidate. Able to bring out the worst in one another. It was at that moment I realised Trump was incredibly likely to win.

How did you come to that conclusion?

Homers music list header

Top 3 Computer Game Soundtracks

Recently some of the contributors of Input Error went to the IMAX as part of the BFI film festival to see “DJ Yoda Does Videogames”.

A selection of video game soundtracks and games-inspired videos from the last 30 odd years on a gigantic screen? It was great.

Now thats-a-gots-us-a-thinkings. What are our favourite computer soundtracks?

I’m sure many of you will mutually smile, slap each other on the knee, and agree with a few of the choices below. Who knows, you might debate who’s massively wrong and why. Best keep that to yourself though.

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Carnival Games VR Header

Carnival Games VR

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

Carnival Games VR practically screams 7 out of 10 doesn’t it.

Myself and Joey Joey Jo plan to enjoy a selection of mini-games designed to show off your shiny new VR experience.

We shall review each game individually, check to see if the technology works and ask the most important question, “is it any fun?”

Is it, punk?