Banshee – 2013

TELEVISION REVIEW: Season 1 – Episode 1 & 2.

An unfair review based on two episodes of Season 1. Great fun was had by the writer.

The pilot episode of Banshee sets everything up nicely with great action sequences and a simple plot. I especially love the main character’s jaw. He looks like an even angrier Andrew Falkous chewing a whole pack of wine gums.

Andrew Starr

Antony Starr                                                                                                  Andrew Falkous

 Spoilers ahead, but the show’s 3 years old now, is it still a spoiler? Anyway, it really doesn’t matter.

The pilot episode has a super-criminal leaving prison, his name is Mr Jawline.

anthony starr

Mr Jawline. Aka – Sheriff Jawline.

ivana milicevic

Old Flame. Aka Sexy evil lady from Red Alert.

Mr Jawline immediately travels to a small town containing his Old Flame, that’s (obviously) set up shop with Mr Sensible-Bollocks. The Old Flame is sexy, knows kung-fu and has a couple of kids. Naughty Daughter and Sickly-Son. Mr Jawline, for reasons, becomes the new sheriff of this small town. HI-JINKS WILL ENSUE!

rus blackwell

Mr Sensible-Bollocks

The second episode is the true test of a telly show.

What shall you reveal to us, oh great telly gods! For this shall be the baseline for the entire series.

The theme of the episode two?

“Drugs are bad” and “daughter be out of control, yo”.

Mr Mackey

“mmmmmmmmmmmmkay?”

BRILLIANT! I honestly didn’t see this coming. The “drugs are bad” episodes are for when the writers are scratching their heads for ideas, around three seasons in. Boom! Second episode baby!

Toby Leonard Moore

Naughty Drug Man. Sneer, Hiss, Boo.

The Naughty Drug Man had decided to poison all the naughty children, doing all the naughty drugs in the barn. Sorry… Naughty rave barn. Naughty Daughter is, of course, at this party being naughty.

Note – The episodes called “The Rave”.

I laughed and laughed at the naughty man’s poor business acumen.  His murdered all of his rave customers on day one, with a series of overdoes, cut from the cheapest of the drugs. Oh Capitalism.

Ulrich Thomsen

Evil Amish Man Aka – Evil Niles Crane

The Amish crop up quite a lot in this show and when they do it’s memorable.

A small Amish child takes a bribe to empty the barn for the rave. An Amish daughter is unbelievable sexy with her modern makeup and secret party lifestyle, and yes, she casually has sex with Sheriff Jawline. Finally the (I suspect, initial) villain of the town is an evil ex-Amish man. Fantastic! The Amish are corrupt, perverted and violent/crime lords.

Lili Simmons

Implausibly attractive Amish girl. Aka – Lili Simmons. Go on, look her up. Imagine her in an Amish outfit. Or even a Nun? Go on. You massive pervert.

Nice one writers! Absolutely loving it.

Deva Hopewell

Naughty Daughter

Naughty Daughter’s obviously the secret daughter of Sheriff Jawline, with a series of massive nods and convulsing winks. I love how Naughty Daughter looks nothing like the mother, father or Sheriff. Amazing casting. She dresses all sexy like and hangs out with Mr Dickhead DJ, like all 15 year old girls do. Obviously Mr Dickhead DJ decides to do all the drugs rather than impress the crowd with a decent gig and dies.

Reed Schumacher

Mr Dickhead DJ

The Naughty Drug Man who made sexual advances on the 15 year old daughter also dies. Yes, the evil Amish Niles killed him to prove to us all, that he’s a big ol’ bastard.

SHE HAS BEEN SAVED! The naughty lads have died, DRUGS ARE BAD and all in the second episode. This criminal come lawman is a fucking hero! I do believe he plays by his own rules, don’t you know.

I cant wait for Sheriff Jawline to have sex with his Old Flame just before the mob catches up with them. Or when the Naughty Daughter finds out Sheriff Jawline is her dad. Or when, who fucking cares, plotline whateva.

Who knows, I might be wrong. This could all be a set-up with some interesting twists and turns to come. I hope so! Hope is a tenuous variable in the world of telly shows.

max the sick child

Sickly Son Aka – DJ Heartstrings

Two episodes in, I’ve already decided this show is utter shite, but it’s very enjoyable shite. I will follow up on this initial impression when I’ve burned through season 1. Possibly with a few beers. A lot of beers.

No really, I am enjoying it.