Like sexy criminals we broke the review embargo with the incredible gift of the imagination. Ok, I told, I told, a load of lies.
The review embargo curse has been lifted.
Lets see how my disgusting fabrications check out against the gaming media reviews.
My ‘review’ is here for comparison. I violently insist you read it. My review score was a 9, noting set pieces, parsnips, cinematic pacing and all that other stuff Uncharted did before.
The thesixthaxis – Gave a 10. High praise indeed.
Some quotes include: –
‘A Thief’s End bombards you with its visual excellence’.
‘Although some parts will nudge you down a linear path, a lot of your time can be spent roaming the game’s much broader playgrounds at your own leisure.’
‘Nate stumble from one jaw-dropping set piece to the next’
They even picked up on my deliberate inclusion of the word ‘stumble’.
Most excellent. I couldn’t go wrong can I. Lets continue with…
Lovely Destructoid– Scored it 9.5
Some quotes included: –
‘A Thief’s End opens with a showy, bombastic hint at the mayhem to come’
Hey… bombastic in the introduction. I’m pretty good at this!
Damn right baby, you work that storytelling. Lovely stuff.
That IGN website gave a provisional 8.8.
‘remarkable achievement in blockbuster storytelling and graphical beauty, but let down by an overly long third act.’
‘Though it’s let down by a lack of imagination and some self-indulgence, especially in a third act that drags on far too long’
Nice to see story pacing issues, as predicted.
I will admit, they write do words good on IGN website, dose words good.
Man, I haven’t looked at Gamespot in years. Scored a giant 10. No, I wont link to it. Fucking full screen noisy video advert. I’d feel guilty if you clicked on it by mistake.
‘Uncharted 4’s set-pieces are the best in the series’
Yeah, we know.
‘we’ll be talking about it for years to come’
I bet none of you will. Yes, it’s clearly a fun rollercoaster, brassy-tart of an adventure, but no-one will be talking about it in years to come. It’s not The Last of Us.
Bored of this now. You get the picture, it’s pretty much the same everywhere else.
Little bit upset no-one mentioned a big bloke you can shoot in the head 28 times. Did Naughty Dog leave him out? Is there a big bloke? Bit worried now. Will someone please think of the big bloke!
So what have we learned today?
Essential evidence that I no longer need to play games anymore.
Hold on… what if no-one played it? What if they all made it up like me? What if it’s all a lie? ITS ALL A LIE!