Rimworld is an unfinished group survival game I’ve spent far too much time on. A loving propa’ review is here.
In an incredible turn of events Rimworld allows you to set up your own scenarios. Joy! We can’t pass this opportunity up. Let’s see what happens when we set the game to it’s more interesting randomised settings. How will our three campers fare in the: –
“The Great Camp”
Tagline – “Three friends go on a camping adventure that will forever change their lives”.
Wot could possibly go wrong?
Welcome to Scott, Lloyd and Vix and introducing Gerald the Monkey. The intrepid team have somehow become lost whilst on a peaceful camping trip. They wake up with horrific hangovers and a sense of loss. No really, you can set hangovers as an option.
The happy campers wake to foul moods and a strong taste of fur and raw socks. At least they have plentiful supplies, who knows what they did to acquire all this ill-gotten swag.
The scenario itself has been set to the storyteller known as Randy Random. Yes, you guessed correctly, he does encourages random events, some of which could be described as “unpleasant”.
Will our top notch pissed-up team survive a year? Let’s find out.
THE FIRST FEW DAYS
1st of Spring 5500.
Adventure takes you to strange places… in this case it’s the wilderness of an alien planet. I’m sure I speak for both Lloyd and Vix when I say “I’ve been to worse”.
Lloyd takes charge immediately by chopping down a mighty oak tree, pausing only to violently vomit all over it. Scott and Vix stumble around in a miserable state as they cobble together the hints of shelter. Even in an inebriated state they wisely choose to put their pathetic structure next to an already existing shack which is converted to a makeshift storehouse. Nice one guys.
Gerald the pet monkey is violently unwell. He must have really “done some” the previous night, the naughty party monkey.
Ok, I’ll level with ya. There was an attempt before this one. It did not go well.
As the Ai storyteller is an uncaring lunatic, there were… let’s say, minor complications. Similar to how this current story starts, everything proceeded very well indeed, apart from the hangovers, of course. Parallel universe Scott, Vix and Lloyd had started the process of survival. For unknown reasons Scott decided to mine some Steel, when he discovered that “an ancient evil was nearby”. Too late, the wall caved in revealing a large modern room with cryosleep chambers. Two heavily armed insane cyborgs immediately shot Scott (me) through the head, “destroying” my brain. Oh bugga’.
On witnessing my demise my pet Yorkshire terrier had gone into a rage, foolishly attacking a nearby doe. He lay twitching and dying from a savage Bambi beatdown. Nearby Lloyd had been shot in the spine by the cyborgs expert shot and was bleeding out. The cyborgs nonchalantly wondered in and out of their ex-prison. With nothing to live for Vix squinted, pushed up against wall, held her trusty knife and waited for the perfect moment to strike. She blindsided the heavily armoured foe with a series of expert strikes and was no match for the uncaring deathbot.
That was the very first day. Not much of a diary.
Ok, back to this attempt. Let’s hope this team lasts longer then their parallel universe counterparts, or this will be a very short tale.
The camp’s coming along nicely, Vix is the only decent builder and can be trusted to make the beds and chairs as Scott and Lloyd completely cock up the wood flooring, it’s a shoddy effort and unfinished as the rain pours down. Vix gives up for the night whilst Lloyd takes the last finished bed. Scott ransacks the berry bush for a midnight snack before sleeping face down in the dirt, like normal. Scott wakes with a mouthful of mud cursing the world, like I do every single day, before returning to the shack. Sod sleeping in the dirt again. The finishing touches are completed and the roofs completed as the rain finally stops.
Vix creates a swanky walk in fridge and Lloyd decides to brave this alien world to fully stock it. As a brawler Lloyd shuns guns and prefers to wield a mighty uranium sword. Lloyd tracks and saunters up to his prey, holding his mighty sword aloft, swinging wildly (like a hungover lunatic Lloyd would do) in the direction of the innocent large-eyed doe. Lloyd barely limps back to the camp after being on the end of an almighty beating. Lloyd was a terrible hunter and is taken off of hunting duty whilst whimpering in bed. Vix grimly patches him back up, muttering in a threatening manner, like she does.
Whilst Lloyd saw his life flash before his eyes, Scott goes for a walk in the woods and senses “an ancient evil was nearby”. Oh crap… not again. The decision is made not a mine unless we have an army.
Whilst Lloyd and Scott sow some crops some visitors from “The-city-at-the-cave” come by to offers cobras and slaves. Briefly tempted by the offer of slaves we take a couple of beers, the poison that left us in this camping predicament. Will we never learn.
So far so calm. No deathbots, no impending doom and the team survived spring.
Things are looking up… I wonder what happens next? They already outlasted the previous attempt. Everything extra at this point is a bonus.