Super Bomberman R

SHORT REVIEW: Nintendo Switch

What does the R stand for? 

I’ve recently got a job with the obligatory morning commute of misery. You know what that means don’t you? I got myself a new portable device!

Let’s review that Bomberman.

The controls are shite.

How so?

They’re not snappy or grid based. With the flighty lil’ anologue stick it’s easy to run around blocks into lingering flames. The 2D bombing suffers when running around in a 3D manner. The control scheme that appears to be designed for running around singleplayer boss battles; not so much for multiplayer. Ya know, the thing you want the game for. Whoop.

Sound like this is more your problem, than the games!

Shut up. Due to my past Bomberman experiences I tend to push into the direction of an unmoveable block to stick to a point. I don’t know why, but I’ve always found it a handy way to guarantee I don’t move from my safe spot. In this game, it’s a fatal flaw as you flow around the blocks in one smooth movement. In fact, stopping where you want is a giant pain in the arse and to singe your feet is enough to find death. Finesse movements are not worth the risk. The speed-up power ups are the opposite of a bonus!

Sidenote – Technically, you can use the ‘d-pad’ to alleviate this problem in single player. Feels awkward on the hand though.

Super Bomberman R

All hail the lazy champion! Worked hard for this win.

Hmm… What else?

Now I’m happy to play the classic ol’ boring multiplayer, but others will be dismayed to find a lack of exotic game modes. I will confess I miss the mode where you painted the floor to your own colour… Zombie mode, I think it was called. Team and Battle modes are all that’s on offer and no amount of customising ya character can change that.

You customise your Bombermen and women?

Yeah, just like previous versions of Bomberman. It’s ok… does the job. Not much of it, but enough to personalise your little sod. You have to unlock it all with coins. Never enough coins. Those bloody coins. Why am I unlocking things with coins? You earn ’em when completing a single player world or gain 150 coins per battle. To buy an extra level costs 2500 or even 4000 coins. 16 games to unlock a poxy level. Sod that. Just have them all unlocked. I’m not playing to unlock levels, I’m playing to have fun with my friends.

Withholding content is not fun.

Is the single player story mode any good?

Muh, typical skippable shite. It does mistakenly amuse at times. I do have enoyed the basic characterisations though. Sleepy bomber, dozy bomber, bacon bomber, hairy bomber, eggbound bomber. I appreciate their run animations. The maps are fiendish, and the light puzzling works well. Not a bad addition to compliment the main event. But….

Super Bomberman R

I always read it as the ‘Bugga army’. They terraformed the planet into their own face? Narcissistic fuckers.

… The bloody boss fights. Simple patterns twinned with piss-poor collision detection. It’s hard to tell if you’ll get hit by the huge bosses arms, legs or wotnot. It’s all pretty unoriginal and annoying as they’ve the potential to eat into your spare lives, and remember, we need to earn those bloody coins. Continues are purchased with, you guessed it, bloody coins. Without them you’ll have to start from beginning of the world. Muh.

Sidenote – There is a slippy-slidey ice world with SLIPPY-SLIDEY ICE TILES! Oh, and you can slide off the edge of levels. Fucking hell I thought we saw the last of that shit.

About those animations an’ that? How does the game look?

Fine. It’s Bomberman. Looks like a budget title. Some people are mighty upset with the offset-top-down perspective, but I’m fine with it. It’s the aforementioned controls that scupper things. With some practice, you can improve and avoid over-running into flames, but it really shouldn’t be this way. After 30 odd years of making the same game, you would have thought the controls would be tight by now. The game was patched to increase the framerate from 30 to 60 at the expense of image quality. I’ll always go with the higher frame rate… but as the game looks so cheap it’s not a deal-breaker.

Online?

Works ok, when I found a game, not too laggy. I’ve not had much luck finding packed games. This doesn’t appear to be a popular game! Away from local play Bomberman makes for a sterile online experience. Thankfully I’ve generally got human friends to join in. In a pub.

What do you make of the Switch?

I haven’t had a handheld since the PSP… and yes, I’ve been using it mainly as a handheld. Setting up the stand and playing multiplayer outside, holding the controllers and playing whilst stretching like a tired bear… these are all great moments. The screens crystal clear… the games look fantastic. I’ve somehow spent more time with Mario Kart then I ever did on the Wii U. I’ve had passersby ask me “wow, what is that thing” and friends proclaim their lust for the device on sight. The downside… It doesn’t fit in ya pocket! Most games are bloody expensive and that’s the price you pay for early adoption. Like always. Fan’s ‘ey. Always paying the price.

Anything else?

Oh yeah, Bomberman… I’ve found a few odd bugs. The best one was being trapped above everyone on a single block… I won the round, of course, as the AI didn’t know what to do. Without humans interfering the AI’s were trapped in infinite loops of nothing.

Sidenote – Is there anything more painful than watching the CPU battle it out after the humans have murdered one another? Skip button please!

Super Bomberman R

Exciting standing on block action. This lasted till the last 16 seconds.

I’m happy to see patches arrive and free extra characters were a pleasant surprise. I hope this continues as extra game modes would go a long way to improving things. It’s not the best Bomberman but it is on the perfect system for Bomberman.

Technically, they cocked this up, but it’s fixable. An update for the pernickety controls would hugely improve the game, but I’m not holding my breath. By the way… who are you?

I am you. The you that said you wasn’t going to buy a Switch. The you that said there was no rush. I am the you, you hate. The one that contradicts your written word. You disgust me.

…. You got me there. In my defence-

SILENCE FOOL.

7Oh trusty 7, the safest of all the scores. I tell you what, let’s reference the Score Guide. Oh wait! …

 

 

6…Nah, nah, nah… how did they make a mess of Bomberman? All they had to do was copy, paste (an’ improve) the previous downloadable versions. Fucking useless. If updates arrive in the form of snappier controls with additional game modes, we’ll change the score back to 7.

The “R” stands for “Relegated, Rip-off, Rinsing da audience”