From the pen of the swanky games journalist
Let’s reinvigorate the excitement glands as we take a trip down virtual lane.
Virtual Reality headsets are viable now! Remember the Virtual Boy?! Crazy; those crazy Nintendo guys. Put on the special headset, open your eyes and sit in an F1 car, walk through the accountants office or even fly like a bird! You wont puke up, this is the future. You living in the future right now. But remember, vomit will not spill from your gob.
Year before release. Best pre-order that VR as soon as possible, don’t get left behind, you chumps. We’ve been playing VR a year before release. Eiffel Tower in your house! We can’t describe the experience, you have to try it.
6 months before release! Did you see the game where you can walk around a pie shop? It’s so realistic I tried to pick up a pie! It wasn’t a real pie, I thought it was, but it wasn’t. You have to try it! I didn’t feel sick! It’s really real!
3 months to go and I bet you cant wait. We’ve got the newest test kits and the final design looks like a gimps mask. I bet you’re jealous aren’t you! How much room do you need? Quite a bit, but you can scale it to the size of your room. Just make more space? Are you stupid or something. We set it up in our offices. It was easy.
1 month to go and VR is definitely going to change gaming and your underpants! Do you have enough usb ports? C’mon idiot, go to the usb port shop and get some more. Get a dozen. You might need a new graphics card, but fucking hell it is VR and is first generation technology, what did you expect you pleb. You didn’t know that? You silly little fucker.
1 week to go. We have an exclusive interview with Oculus Rift Janitor Tony Milktrei who confirms the bathrooms have been cleaned and share prices for rubber bands have grown by 0.57%!
TOMORROW, YOU FUCKS! AIIEEEEEEEEE! OUT TOMORROW! We’ve had it for a year and it’s bloody amazing and we can’t wait for you all to try it.
VR is out now!
Here’s a video of us unboxing the final product. Look at it,
go on, LOOK AT IT!
Some people didn’t get their pre-orders on time! Bloody hell, that’s terrible. Stop complaining, it’s worth the wait. Valve made a Portal tech demo, you fucking love Portal don’t cha’.
1 week later, there are literally hundreds of VR games and they’re great experiences. A few games too, but what an experience.
1 month later. Wooooo! Virtual reality!……, ….. Cough….Have you tried it?
2 months later. We’ve reviewed a VR game. You are underwater.
3 months later.
Imagine seeing this in Virtual reality?
Forget VR. You can’t wait for Home-Holograms™.
Remember when Tupac burst posthumously back on stage! Get excited because in 10 years time…