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Why… Come in bot. Have a good look around.
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Baldur’s Gate 3: A Short Story
- Baldur’s Gate 3 – A Short Story
- A Dungeons and Dragons RPG
- Developer: Larian Studios
- Publisher: Same mate
I’ll tell you a quick Baldur’s Gate 3 story.
Boxes hide a door. How sneaky. These boxes are quickly moved out the way and the game warns me someone is behind the door.
This is a warning of potential shenanigans because there’s always something behind a bloody door. Intriguing.
I brazenly walked in and a young guard is upset and violent.
“HALT dialogue plays”.
Returnal – Short Review: PC Version
- Returnal – Short Review
- Third person timeloop shooty shooter game. Hazzah.
- Developer: Housemarque
- Publisher: Sony
Goturnal: Time to Dance 2. In the Streets. In Space.
Perfect gameplay. Compelling time loop intrigue. Looks amazing.
Everything about what you’ve heard about this game is true. This is one hell of a game.
It’s incorporated the very best elements from a whole host of games like Netriod, Mier: Nutomata, Mades and of course the classic NmnNn.
But guess what?
Outside of the supreme gameplay, it was designed by a bit of a git.
let me explain
Shit in Trump’s Bed (on a shop)
A remaster of a beloved game a few people played
The election looms. The world looks very bleak. So what else is there to do but to spend lockdown recording audio and polishing a diddy adventure game?
Oh… fine. I’ll admit… It was all an excuse to record a glitzy gameshow. Turn on the telly (in game, natch) and enjoy “Box Fiddler” or maybe the action-packed “Time Toucher’s, if you can hold out.
I couldn’t help but throw in a few secrets and for now, it’s goodbye to old fashioned adventure games.
Turn up the volume and good luck Trump’s shitters!
The Office (the 1.1 patch)
Good news everyone. We have a patched game. I repeat, this is a game patching situation.
Fixed: –
Sexy Jeremy crashing the game.
Graphical Office Chair Frustration.
Added: –
Loads of additional dialogue.
The Secret Crumb.
Any crashes please let me know and please enjoy the update.
The Office (on a shop)
For those that would like a Linux copy…
… or send me 2.4 million pounds I am pleased to announce The Office is on an “online-shop™ “.
Or you can acquire the game and have a nice read on this website here.
If you are truly unwell you can read further mutterings about releasing the game here.
Now go. Play. Have fun.
The Office (not that one)
Now would seem like a good time to release a free game.
An adventure game based on my real life office job. Yes, these are real (mostly) consenting adults forever bronzed in the magic of computer games.
Your mission?
What everyone working in an office would like to do.
Go home early!
Featuring the secret room, secret music, secret endings, hell, a secret intro. So many secrets. So much content you will never ever find.
Look, push and bother everything.
Yes. The main menu features a pleasant honking sound! Just click “Not that one”.
You know in these kinda games where you look at something and it has a stock phrase. Not this game! You know when you use an object on something and it says “I can’t do that”. Not on my watch! You push that chair. Push middle management. Push that everything you can because it just might pay off. Rarely.
Please squint and enjoy…
The Office (not that one)
Shit in Trump’s Bed: The Game
Dear close personal friends,
Good news! I’ve have today completed my pleasant little adventure game.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to get me to America to shit in Trump’s bed. Should take about 5 minutes.
Enjoy the following short free game and please…
take great pleasure in…
SHITTING IN TRUMPS BED
TARGET ACQUIRED
The Adventure Game
Blimey… has it been that long? This year I decided to have a go at making an old-school adventure game, but had no idea where to start.
It also didn’t help that I’d never coded anything before.
So I figured I’d attempt a prototype before making something that actually resembles a real life game. The good news is this tiny piece of nonsense grew from a learning device to something with a beginning, middle and a few secret endings.
Let me tell you a little about what I’ve been up to for the past 4 months.
Prey
RETROSPECTIVE: PS4
Games like Prey don’t do well those constantly living for tomorrows release.
Which is all of us… Right? Prey only came out May 2017. Feels more like 2007. Oh well…
… for those that missed out, here’s a handy recap.
BAMM! Prey is a first-person Sci-Fi shooter/adventure! WOW! You awake on the space station Talos 1 in the near future. NOW WITH 100% GENUINE COMPUTER GAME AMNESIA! There are secrets upon secrets and thankfully the amnesia turns out to be a stroke of brilliant story-telling. You pave your way through the.. hold on… POW! You pave your way through the station and I really mean it. There’s a gun that shoots goo to make makeshift vertical paths. KA-BOB!
You inhabit Morgan Yu, who tracks down some clues, to solve the stations mystery.
If I was you, I’d scream and whoop and kill for eventual victory.
Let wash all our hands, whilst saying “calm down” and end this synopsis rhyme.
Anyway, this is a game for a nice bit of bin rummaging and a lil’ bit of hoarding. Lovely. Also KA-POW-BOB-BAMM-ETC!
ACTION! PICK THEM THOSE EXOTIC MATERIALS. GO ON. ALL OF IT!
Happy Happy Happy Mew Mer!
Indeed yes! Yes indeed.
Would you like a list? A LIST OF THINGS AND GAMES FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR? Like a rounding up an’ that.
No?
Oh.
Fair enough.
Songs on Loop #24
At your leisure, slip into your finest lounge suit and prepare for something… sensual.
I had no idea what to expect. I just knew I wanted to see him in action.
Full action.
So much action.
One of the most enjoyable live gigs I’d ever been to. I’ll always remember the day I saw Donny Benét.
Enjoy.
Donny Benét – Working Out
Super Sexy Monthly Edition
Hey you lovely people.
A bit like your favourite magazines of yesteryear we are going to a monthly format for the words, pictures of Ham™ and respectful pictures of distinguished actors.
Unfortunately real world demands dictate that we work all the hours of the day for this thing we call Money™.
Naturally, there will be a word-growth-spurt and the site will be covered in far more gibberish then today’s brazen claim. You can still expect contributions from… erm.. contributors when they feel like it.
Nice Nolte. Nick Notle. Notle Nicky. Nice Nicky Nots. Nicely Notley.
So… Monthly sounds good, right?
The Hex – Short Review: PC Version
A pox, POX I SAY!
I’m sure anyone that’s played The Hex to completion will say “don’t read any reviews for The Hex”. So…
You really shouldn’t read any reviews for The Hex.
Here’s the score with a blurb that tells you everything your need to know.
Welcome to the Six Pint Inn on a terribly stormy night…
A murder is being planned in the Six Pints Inn and yes, it’s time to solve a mystery. When I say mystery I mean it both mentally and technically as you take control of six very different computer game archetypes and then…
… Game happens.
Spider-Man – Short Review: PS4 Version
Incoming – Review No. 2099
Spiderman is not invincible. He can almost fly and is 72% quips. Seems ideal for computer games, right? I’d admit I have a soft spot for web-slinging but this isn’t about me. This is about you… who knows what you find pleasurable. You might collect famous hairs or even take pictures of drains. Who knows what disgusting things you get up to.
Oh, you can also enjoy the many pictures I took, as photo mode was tremendous fun.
Spider-Man: The Gallery
A mildly spoiler-ish collection of pictures.
Don’t worry, the big ending and that secret thing you don’t know about isn’t ruined! Ok, maybe one suit, but that’s it… I promise!
Overcooked 2 – Short Review: PC / PS4 Version
Overcooking something is generally bad. Unless it’s delicious toast.
Anyone that has ever played Overcooked with 4 friends has probably said the following:
Blimey. I love Overcooked.
For those that don’t know, you take control of a couple of chefs, scream at your friends, prepare and cook ingredients, scream at your friends, put the dishes together whilst screaming like a lunatic, before finally washing dishes to scream at your friends a lil’ more; all within a tight time limit!
In the first game you’ll chop some onions to chuck in a pot, before your mate slops the soup in a bowl for service. Before long you’re frying burgers to pass to another chef to chuck in a bun who should have been washing that dirty plate, as another chef dices lettuce, or wait… it was supposed to be tomato! Mishaps happen, levels mess with you and you’ll likely have to change tactics on the fly. Someone always forgets something! Communication is key.
Even without the benefit of friends, solo play worked well as a brilliant puzzle game.
Overcooked is one of the best local co-op games of all time.
This level was a fantastic series of mistakes and shouting. 3 outta 3 stars.
Considering I still play Overcooked to this day we ask the only question worth screaming 2 inches from your friends face…
is this a worthy sequel?
Far Cry 5: Hours of Darkness DLC – Short Review: PC Version
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”
I have never really been into games that showcase war much. I mean, I have played many but I’ve not really felt what it was that it was trying to interpret. Battlefield 1 does a good job with its individual stories but I think I was more into the visuals, like when my gun got mud all over it during a rainy night while I was trying to take back some Italian hills – it was pretty. Call of Duty: WW2… is COD with a WW2 skin, have we not had that before? Anyway, I have not enjoyed any of them the way I should have… until Far Cry 5’s Hours of Darkness DLC.
The Vietnam War! You wasn’t there maaan!
The Greasy Strangler
Director: Jim Hosking / Screenplay: Jim Hosking, Toby Harvard / Release date: 22 January 2016
Actors: Michael St. Michaels, Sky Elobar / Genre: Comedy/Horror ‧ 1.5h
The title’s a bit of a giveaway, right.
I do enjoy FrightFest; each year has the potential to throw up a surprise or two…
…Wait! This wasn’t on the Horror Channel? Wait… Joey Jo Jo had the telly on a channel that wasn’t the Horror Channel? What’s going on around here?! Anyway…
The Greasy Strangler carries the tag of “horror” although it’s far closer to a comedy. A gross nonsensical comedy.