Opinions, facts, lies… lots of words in a very pleasing order, I can assure you.
Good news! I’ve have today completed my pleasant little adventure game.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to get me to America to shit in Trump’s bed. Should take about 5 minutes.
Enjoy the following short free game and please…
take great pleasure in…
SHITTING IN TRUMPS BED
TARGET ACQUIRED
It also didn’t help that I’d never coded anything before.
So I figured I’d attempt a prototype before making something that actually resembles a real life game. The good news is this tiny piece of nonsense grew from a learning device to something with a beginning, middle and a few secret endings.
Let me tell you a little about what I’ve been up to for the past 4 months.
Would you like a list? A LIST OF THINGS AND GAMES FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR? Like a rounding up an’ that.
No?
Oh.
Fair enough.
Lounging around a swanky Virtual Box watching a football game sounds like a pretty good idea, right? Plus it’s completely free to try out.
All you need to do is to look up the BBC Sport VR: FIFA World Cup on the PS store and hit download. I suggest you go try it now.
My job here is done.
C’mon, you don’t really need an opinion on it. Shoo! You can try it out now…. for free.
Oh, you’re at work? You don’t have Virtual Reality? Fine, come on in and I’ll tell you wot I think but you owe me a beer.
Birdsong fills the air. Peace and quiet. Joey Jo Jo creaks in her chair with a cool drink and nods as Scott joins her. This is bliss. A monster truck pulls out 15 donuts.
“Hey, Joey Jo Jo. Have you met our new neighbour yet?”
Mud covers the porch.
“So…”
“So, Scott… Can you hear Andrew WK?”
“Yep. E3 has come around once again. To be honest I can’t face talking about it. Bullshots, non-gameplay trailers and people that get overexcited about corporate promises. I’m completely unqualified for whoops.”
“Me either. Well, you know what to do.”
Scott and Joey Jo Jo both look round to the forbidden door. The Monster Truck is somehow on two wheels. The strains of Andrew WK get louder.
“Yes. It is time to release the Cari. Have you got the key?”
“150 Pokémon! That is all I care about. I care very little for Mew…
“Sigh.”
We can all mutually agree that the Earth is flat. Now this is irrefutable fact we can engage logic to confirm that the Earth doesn’t rotate around the Sun like the liberal elite would have you think! Oh no. We should quite rightly scream “what did science ever do for us?” Throw away time! Let’s replace it something more suitable to the wishy-washy sensibilities of 2018.
How do we do this?
Also, welcome to the end of year summing up.
Once upon a time there was a magical age when videogame creators purchased licenses to completely inappropriate movies. What a time that was. As you would expect, they were fantastically terrible. Their preferred delivery system often came in the guise of a side-scrolling action shooter.
Makes the perfect Xmas present for young Timmy
A fair few stinkers have been made over the years. Here are some off the top of my head.
Decorate Fred’s fucking cave. The game.
Magical days.
What if we can bring these magical days back…?
With just one season left how will the greatest show of all time™ end? The team at inputError have put together their theories for your reading pleasure.
Using clues from the TV show, books and a few arguments we’ve had late at night on Twitter, we have collated below a list of things that you need to look out for in Season 8, as some of them definitely could happen.
So join us, as we guess who ends up on the Iron Throne. IF IT’S NOT MELTED BY THE END, right? RIGHT?!
I’d always wanted to live abroad. Technically moving to London, England was living abroad after being raised in Bridgend, Wales but only a total prick would actually speak those words out loud. Sure I’d been on lots of holidays, but my FOMO was real when it came to my peers who had gone ‘travelling’, talking of their experiences as being on some sort of higher plane than my mere taster of foreign cultures. Whilst I never had the courage to take the financial leap into the red to hop on a train and discover myself, I couldn’t help feeling like I was going to regret the decision in my later life.
Fast forward more years than I’d like to admit, and I now live in Brisbane, the one in Australia. Over time I postured that even those who went travelling never really got to see a place, never got to understand the positives, negatives and tedium that a place can offer. I wanted to be taken out of my comfort zone with my close-knit group of friends and try and find my place in a city on the opposite side of the planet which I’d never been to before. Living in London saw tourists galore, and people who were there for a summer or a few months, people who barely got to scratch the surface of what living there was truly like. Life isn’t all about great experiences, it’s about everything from a good night out to filing taxes, you need to experience the bad to appreciate the good. I had a chip on my shoulder that I needed to get chiselled off one way or another. My then-girlfriend now-wife was a huge inspiration to making it a reality, having lived in multiple countries of her own volition since she was a teenager. After she got the job offer in Brisbane, we decided to go for it. Meanwhile, I tried to appear as though I was assured of our decision while inwardly panicking that I was making a huge mistake.
Wow! What have you uncovered this time? I said get on with it you pleb!
WOW! For earlier scoops, click here and maybe… Here. It doesn’t matter. It’s a pack of lies.
Do you crave ‘dose tips, to stay cool with the kids? You wanna know what’s hot or not? You want that juicy clickbait?
You come to the right place as we dish out some top, top tips for the over 30’s who wanna stay super-radicool. No-one’s crying in the shower tonight, no-way hosay.
Or even…
“I persuaded my editor to let me give it a go, doing a day’s work living in a virtual world created by the Oculus Rift.” – A white gentleman with beard.
Wait, why does this article bother me so much?
I”ll explain why. Hooray!
Shaky applause.
“I got dat muddafuckin’ trowel money!”
“Your bloody nominees are: -”
“The Winner is…”
Errored applause.
“I say, I say, B-B-Bitch, where ma’ money!”
“Your nom nom nom are: -”
“And the winner is…”
A selection of scandals you have already read before, now with augmented pictures to back up the many, many lies!
GADZOOKS! For earlier scoops click THIS or THIS! You won’t regret it! CLICKY CLICKY CLICK!
Thinking of upgrading to the latest (3 years old now) generation of console gaming?
Great news! A weighty back catalogue of top-notch games await for the incredible sum of next to nothing. Handy, as you’ve just blown most of your budget on the fancy games machine itself.
Please enjoy the following recommendations. Also, congratulations on holding out.
At times this creates perplexing methods which defy expectation or logic. – Oh… a Sangria. I do like a nice Sangria.
So, business practices of the… Hey, where did all this booze come from?
Multimedia conglomerates hold all the cards with the new digital fronti- You know, this rum will almost certainly need a few ice cubes. I’ll go grab some.
Erm, where was I?
Oh yeah, click more for a rant about modern gaming an’ that, whilst I consume the odd fruit juice or two. In fact let’s have a couple now, to loosen me up. Lovely, lovely, stuff.
Some lesser people would use the term “exclusive” whilst bragging about technology other people haven’t had the privilege of messing with. Not us though, oh no. We would never stoop so low.
The following article contains exclusive revelations to hopefully excite you into a gibbering frenzy.
Apology – I wish to apologise for both the quality of the above joke and the duality of the incredible lie, as the following prototype has been around for 10 years. I’m both saddened and proud by such outrageous claims and the abuse of the general public’s ignorance on new technological matters. Thank you for your patience and please hit like, subscribe and give me money. I will lie again.
We have a new way of viewing the world around us with the introduction of affordable Virtual Reality. Now all we need is a new way to interact with these worlds.
Let’s talk Haptic controls.
So what the hell is a haptic-ma-jigger? Can it make me a cup of tea? What are you talking about? Why should I care about this thing? I don’t know what it is, can I buy one?
Hooray! So I went to that Americos, the Land of the Free an’ that. It was fun. How does it compare to sunny, upbeat cheery London?
Would you like a fantastic and exciting list on my findings?
