The Worst Videogame Movie Adaptations: 2017

Once upon a time there was a magical age when videogame creators purchased licenses to completely inappropriate movies. What a time that was. As you would expect, they were fantastically terrible. Their preferred delivery system often came in the guise of a side-scrolling action shooter.

Hudson Hawk

Makes the perfect Xmas present for young Timmy

A fair few stinkers have been made over the years. Here are some off the top of my head.

  • The Flintstones
  • Hudson Hawk
  • The Untouchables
  • Jaws – Oh that was complete and utter shit
Flintstones Amiga

Decorate Fred’s fucking cave. The game.

Magical days.

What if we can bring these magical days back…?

Wouldn’t you want to play: –


Look you. Just do the drummings better; ok!

The story of abuse in Hollywood. How alien a concept! How do you gameify the intense relationship between instructor and student in a AAA videogame?

J Jonah Jameson

“Blimey, I AM an angry lad”

Why that’s easy! How about a third person open world adventure with mini-games?

Our hero ‘Lil’ Drummer Boy’ must take on a series of disjointed missions in that classic Grand Theft style.

Marvel as Lil’ Drummer Boy uses the gift of quick time events to impress a surly J. K. Simmons. Best keep rhythm, y’all.

Gasp as you’ll visit the pharmacy to bandage your bloody hands. Remember; to earn coins you best beat up that rival drummer!

Waggle and suffer the gyro controls as you keep time and openly weep as you dump your pesky girlfriend. She was clearly holding you back anyway.

Climb a mighty tower of drums to reveal collectables on the map!

Ok… bit too modern for ya. How about..

Withnail and I

Withnail & I

“Balls. We want the finest wines available to humanity”

One of the most quotable films of our era would make for a very fine third person action adventure game.

Scream with joy as you take to the motorway in an old banger.

Whoop as you endure survival horror while you attempt to survive Uncle Monty and the countryside. Who doesn’t like shoddy stealth sequences?

Employ waggle controls to finally do the dishes in an inebriated state.

Cake shop abuse!

Nothing can stop this game from its inevitable blockbuster success. Well, apart from the very cheap and hopefully terrible voice acting. Or if we’re feeling spicy, audio taken directly from the film with a singstar mic.

Fine. You need something with guns… Let’s try…

City of God

City of God

Hmm… this game would need a slo-mo dodge roll.

Go on merry misadventures with the swanky backdrop of stunning Rio de Janeiro.

Prematurely ejaculate as you attempt to take pictures of lunatic mobsters. Best be careful as one wrong photo could lead to a permanent ‘game over’ for sweet Rocket.

Hide behind red barrels as Lil Zé with some classic, ol’ fashioned shooting people. The game.

Dress and Dance with Benny!

Oh… and it’s a third person open world adventure. With guns.

You want even more guns?


Zulu 1964

Perfectly acceptable idea, Sir!

You can ride horses.

Oh… and it’s a third person open world adventure.


The Wire

Look. I know. It’s not a film, but… what the hell. How do you convert a dialogue heavy television show to an action packed computer game? By cramming action anywhere you can!

Sell vast amounts of drugs!

Dodge televisions, bricks and bullets as Pryz!

Weave in and out of traffic with McNulty!

Attempt to translate the dialogue of Snoop!

Secret bonus levels such as: –

  1. Get Bunk outta the sexy ladies house.
  2. Spell Presbalycu correctly. Erm. Pryzblysky. Er… Prez.
  3. Help Stringer pass his business exams.
  4. Take Omar to the shops without accidentally murdering anyone.

Oh… and it’s a third person open world adventure.

Well… that was terrible. Ungh… There was a period when this really happened. See.

Godfather pc game

Godfather 2… Oh dear.

I’d admit, I quite enjoyed the Scarface game.

Let’s never talk about this ever again.