Game Retrospectives

In depth word adventures with sexy hats and a sprinkle of videogames.

Prey header

Prey

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RETROSPECTIVE: PS4

Games like Prey don’t do well those constantly living for tomorrows release.

Which is all of us… Right? Prey only came out May 2017. Feels more like 2007. Oh well…

… for those that missed out, here’s a handy recap.

BAMM! Prey is a first-person Sci-Fi shooter/adventure! WOW! You awake on the space station Talos 1 in the near future. NOW WITH 100% GENUINE COMPUTER GAME AMNESIA! There are secrets upon secrets and thankfully the amnesia turns out to be a stroke of brilliant story-telling. You pave your way through the.. hold on… POW! You pave your way through the station and I really mean it. There’s a gun that shoots goo to make makeshift vertical paths. KA-BOB!

You inhabit Morgan Yu, who tracks down some clues, to solve the stations mystery.

If I was you, I’d scream and whoop and kill for eventual victory.

Let wash all our hands, whilst saying “calm down” and end this synopsis rhyme.

Anyway, this is a game for a nice bit of bin rummaging and a lil’ bit of  hoarding. Lovely. Also KA-POW-BOB-BAMM-ETC!

Prey 7

ACTION! PICK THEM THOSE EXOTIC MATERIALS. GO ON. ALL OF IT!

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stellaris

Stellaris – One year later

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RETROSPECTIVE: PC

A year ago today (no really) I reviewed the adequate Stellaris. Time flies doesn’t it. 

It was a good game with some glaring issues and a terrible mid-game lull. You can read about it here.

I made the bold prediction that the game would be much improved in time. After all, these are the devs continually working on the evergreen Crusader Kings II…

So, we ask the question absolutely no-one’s asking. After many an update, is Stellaris the nerd space game from my fantasies?

Man, that Endless Space 2 looks good… Let’s keep this brief.

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TP

Trash Panic

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So you would like to play a Trash Panic? Find and wear your agreeable comfy slippers and follow this handy guide!

A PS3 game? That was a whole console generation ago? How obscure! I can hear the gasps from here. At some point in time, I suspect we’ll be unable to download old PS3 titles. Plus there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of it.

Wait, so what in the cheesehats is this game?

Trash Panic is dustbin Tetris. Released in 2009 to little fanfare it wasn’t a must-have game. Still isn’t. It is a fun two player game to play against people who have never heard of it. Should be pretty bloody cheap by now too. Brilliantly there was some sort of environmental Captain Planet message mixed into the gameplay, with naughty emissions and eco friendly ways to get rid of the trash; bless ’em.

Trash Panic is a capable single player game, but the following is a guide on how to play it with friends.

To the guide!

Sleeping Dogs

Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition

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Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition

Wei too much fun.

RETROSPECTIVE: PC (ON RELEASE) / PS4 (DEFINITIVE EDITION)

Waking Cats. An exciting brand new open world game from four years ago, that was pretty good. Probably. I’ll be off then…

Not too long I got really bored of open world games. Bloody strange when you think about it. I got bored of possibility. The open world clones didn’t open the world far enough. Every game was content to change up the formula by a small increment. Again, very strange when you consider that you get to invent a whole new microcosm. A lil’ light bulb flashes above Mr Reginald GameMaker’s head before deciding… let’s make it just like all the others! Maybe chuck in a few mini-games or a tower to climb. I mean, you don’t really need poorly made bowling games in open world games. Very recently that’s changed with some outstanding game releases, including Orcs, Witchers and some Metal Gears, but not so long ago back in 2012 this little gem was released…

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Pro Evolution Soccer Keeper!

Pro Evolution Soccer 2016

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Pro Evolution Soccer London Kebab Shop

The smell of meaty glory.

RETROSPECTIVE: PS4 VERSION

Do you like football? Do you like football computer games? Do you like ankles?  Do you like underwear combustion tablets? No reason, I’m just interested.

We don’t have much time. Let’s get into this immediately. The controls to PES 2016 are wonderfully contextual. No messing with special button combinations to flick the ball around the pitch, the passing’s crisp, the player AI’s superb, it looks great. Want to ping the ball across the pitch? Sure thing, Baines.

So there you have it, PES 2016 is the very best football videogame at this current moment in time.

Nothing to see here, move on