Trash Panic
So you would like to play a Trash Panic? Find and wear your agreeable comfy slippers and follow this handy guide!
A PS3 game? That was a whole console generation ago? How obscure! I can hear the gasps from here. At some point in time, I suspect we’ll be unable to download old PS3 titles. Plus there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of it.
Wait, so what in the cheesehats is this game?
Trash Panic is dustbin Tetris. Released in 2009 to little fanfare it wasn’t a must-have game. Still isn’t. It is a fun two player game to play against people who have never heard of it. Should be pretty bloody cheap by now too. Brilliantly there was some sort of environmental Captain Planet message mixed into the gameplay, with naughty emissions and eco friendly ways to get rid of the trash; bless ’em.
Trash Panic is a capable single player game, but the following is a guide on how to play it with friends.
Preparation to your multi-player game of Trash Panic: –
- Gather a group of friends that enjoy computer games and booze.
- Supply a large collection of booze.
- Ensure you provide a gentle rest area to enjoy drinking booze.
- A PS3 with two pads.
A bin full of shit
For optimum results please accept the following advice and please, do not explain what a Trash Panic is. Simply put it on at the correct time. What is the correct time you ask?
Question 1: Do you think everyone’s had enough booze?
No? Return to question 1. If yes, please continue.
Question 2: Are they now pretty loud and shouty?
If the answer is no, best return to question 1. If yes, please proceed.
Remember: For optimum results do not explain what a Trash Panic is. No-one will agree to play it.
Ka-
Great, now its time to fire up the PS3 and start Trash Panic. Chuck your ageing control pads into your friend’s clumsy hands. Remember pre-prepare by memorising how to start a multiplayer game. The menus are pretty shite and speed will be of the essence. It’s around this point that somebody will say “What’s this shit?!” Tell him not to worry and ensure that he is one of the first people to play it.
The idea of the game is to smash items into the bin and not spill any of the rubbish. There are certain items not to smash into tiny pieces and you can store items for later, if required. Of course, don’t bother to explain anything apart from how to shatter things into a bin.
Top tip – Triangle drops items rather heavily in the bin at 200mph. Smashy, smashy.
Like a lovable hobo you can set fire to the bin-crap. You can also put a lid on the bin, which heats things up, all nice and tasty, like. There are plenty of other tactics and techniques involved, but figuring these out is half the fun. See if you can figure out what an eco ball does.
Last top tip – Because it was the era of gimmicks, you can shake the control pad to “shake” the items in the bin. The physics are a bit crap and sometimes items hang in thin air.
If at all possible, name the two strange little sods walking around the bin.
-BOOM!
By this point you should have consumed enough beer to begin trash-talking one another.
GOOD RUCK!