This is for WordPress for when they sell my data to AI Companies
This is not for you dear reader.
Why… Come in bot. Have a good look around.
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Words from your kindly host Mr Cheesegrater
Please settle into a comfortable armchair and listen on the wireless to Mr Cheesegrater. Everyone’s friend.
Super Sexy Monthly Edition
Hey you lovely people.
A bit like your favourite magazines of yesteryear we are going to a monthly format for the words, pictures of Ham™ and respectful pictures of distinguished actors.
Unfortunately real world demands dictate that we work all the hours of the day for this thing we call Money™.
Naturally, there will be a word-growth-spurt and the site will be covered in far more gibberish then today’s brazen claim. You can still expect contributions from… erm.. contributors when they feel like it.
Nice Nolte. Nick Notle. Notle Nicky. Nice Nicky Nots. Nicely Notley.
So… Monthly sounds good, right?
We’re Updating Our Privacy Policy
Dear Customer,
Here at whatever-this-website-is-called we pride ourselves on excellent consumer service and our discrete data gathering and spy network. We’re writing to let you know that we’re updating our privacy policy in preparation for the EU’s General Data Protection Regulations (“GDPR”) which will go into effect on May 25th, 2018. We missed the deadline as executive legal consultant Tommy was grounded.
The Slave Wage: Apprenticeship schemes update
Hey you guys,
You wouldn’t know this, but I didn’t abandon that apprenticeship article. Every and now and then I’ve tickled it with a little update. Just an on-going diary showing how utterly apathetic the scheme is.
Click here to check out the on-going nonsense updates.
Enjoy.
The Slave Wage: Apprenticeship schemes in the UK
Throughout my miserable office career I’ve come across ya’ standard nonsense that permeates throughout these places. No, no-one cares about your stapler.
I’ve noticed a hardening in recent years, a more callous approach to the well being of our fellow human beings. Quite frankly, you meatbags are disposable.
Especially if you’re young.
Maddening Tuesday update
I’m proud to communicate the following important gaming journalism.
Enjoy the work of a lunatic.
I lasted till 1 minute 22. Anything beyond could incite violence or gift the ability to see into the dark realm.
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From the Splammo™ ‘Lady Hoof’ range.
Welcome 2017!
We have an exciting, crash-bang-wallop start to Season 2 of InputError. A website you can trust.*
Admire me!
I’m exceedingly happy to note you’ve not only returned, but dressed up for the occasion. You look absolutely marvellous today and that bow-tie really brings out your eyes. Now the horrific end of year awards show has passed we can get back to business.
What can you expect this year?
The great review round up! What does that mean?
Come on in and I’ll explain.
The InputError Award for best game featuring a mustachioed man with a brother plumber, from another mother, called Luigi 2016
Plumber in a onesie.
“Cant imagine who this would be”
No applause.
“Cough… The nominees are: – ”
- “Mario”
“I’m not sure the point of this award, ok…. The InpuTerror Award for best game featuring a mustachioed man with a brother plumber, from another mother, called Luigi is…”
The InputError Award for best new Website 2016
“Welcome to the annual InpuTerror awards 2016”
Light, limp applause.
“The nominees are…”
- “Din Din Times”
- “Swords for every occasion”
- “InputError”
- “Rate my Garden!”
- “Dave’s Rim Shack”
“This year’s best new website award goes to…..
Fumbles with envelope for 27 minutes…
Trump: Come on in! The end of the world’s lovely at this time of year.
Sitting on the correct side of an argument afford you a special type of arrogance. It blinds you, it’s almost as strong as a religious conviction.
How could a man like Trump be president?
It doesn’t make any sense.
In September I was sitting in New York figuring out how to eat a sandwich the size of my head when I looked up and saw Hillary Clinton giving a speech. I’d managed to gnaw through half of it before giving up and coming to the realisation, Clinton is the antithesis of Donald Trump. The perfect candidate. Able to bring out the worst in one another. It was at that moment I realised Trump was incredibly likely to win.
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Hey guys!
Just a quick message to tell we are on Facebook! Why not give us a like or something? Includes friendly* updates to inform you the second* a new article hits the site, or engage in exciting discussions*. It’s cool and trendy!*
https://www.facebook.com/InputError
Which is all pretty pointless as you could simply look at the website directly, like you are now. You’re not children are you? This whole message is a waste if time. Fuck Facebook. Fuck this message.
We are also on Twitter!
Quiet News Day
Been a bit quiet around here hasn’t it…
If you’re tempted to spend your days lazily writing about gamey-ma-jiggers, may I offer the following handy advice?
Don’t play the Witcher 3. You won’t have time for anything else. It’s a 10/10 game, but you knew that already didn’t ya.
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It’s a fact of life that we all need money.
Please enjoy the following message from our sponsors.
Top new Product from Splammo!
American Politics: Trump and Clinton
An in-depth examination of the two heavyweight candidates.
Some say that America as a whole is going through something of an IQ test, but this is a completely unfair point. It’s far more nuanced then reducing the matter to a simple disparaging sentence. The anger and apathy of the American population towards the ‘ruling elite’ allows for such a vacuum in power.
Wots the difference between: Short Review and Retrospective
What the hairy pants is a Retrospective Review and Short Review? WHY DIFFERENT DAGNABBIT
Short Score Reviews are your typical reviews for when a game is released complete with lovely scores.
A retrospective will be something closer to an actual human playing and enjoying a game, y’know, for fun… like a normal human being does when its not reviewing things for other humans.
WHY?
You know that game that was just released? Say Just Cause 3 or whatever other game you was all excited for a few months ago. I haven’t played Just Cause 3 (4 or whenever your reading this), but it’s already old. SO very old in game years (much like dog years). A couple of months is all it takes for no-one to even consider mentioning it ever again. What does that say about the outrageous buzz before its release?… the whooping pre-order masses, the rush to gather opinions on the day… only two months later it’s dead to the world. Will it appear in a top ten list at the end of the year? Who knows, right? No-one’s even considering it now because something else is just as exciting and will be out next month.
Does the score reflect the cruel judgement of time?
After the initial hype where numbers are thrown around excitedly, a retrospective review is a careful considered opinion given free from the hype hellscape. The kinda review that sees patterns in Football Manager in the style of the film PI. This might not be a healthy way to review anything.
What’s the point of a scoring short review?
To give an handy opinion at the time of release because no-one wants to waste money on a broken toy.
Is it possible to have both types of review for the same game?
Yes
What are you doing tonight?
I’m washing my hair. Now excuse me, this bath wont turn itself off.
Review Score Guide
Throwing a number next to some thoughts. Yep!
Seems like a pretty good idea to me.
All of our short reviews will have a numbered score to free you of reading obligations. What’s a short review you ask? We’ll try to explain that here, but only if you’ve been a good boy/girl/hamster.
We use the full scale of 1 to 10 here me-laddio. 5 out of 10 is average, because it’s in the middle. 7 is pretty good because its better than average. To reiterate 7 is NOT a bad fucking score, ok.
Now please enjoy this list of numbers ordered in a pleasing way, with some light explanation.
10/10 – Perfection does not really exist. Games given a little 10 are filled with magic. Such a thing will be remembered in the future, possibly worshipped by future civilisations long after we are gone. These are rare occurrences.
9/10 – Is an amazing game. Special, sincere, a new form of experience or something perfected. Why isn’t it a 10? It could easily be a ten, but we know a sequels coming and we need an extra number to show it’s a lil better. Lovely stuff.
8/10 – A great game that will resonate with you. A technical achievement, special idea or bathed in shiny game polish that will encourage favoured memories even whilst it gathers dust.
7/10 – A very good game that will delight for a good time. It might have a serious issue holding it back, or strange design choices. Possibly by a foolish and greedy company.
6/10 – An above average game, maybe with the odd great idea or concept, but missing something important, like polish or quality control. That or it’s merely good. If this was a disease it would be scurvy.
5/10 – Utterly Average. Fun could still be had from this. Some may even love this game if it tickles such personal perversions, but for most it will inspire a pleasant shrug. If this was a sandwich, it would be plain cheese without pickle, in the bread you dislike the most.
4/10 – Bland, missing a vital ingredient. Not a bad game, but not one that would be remembered.
3/10 – A very poor game indeed. Something went seriously wrong here. Although you never know, it might make you laugh, or it might have a decent idea poking around here. But its crap, yeah.
2/10 – A terrible game. I don’t think you can play this to even enjoy how crap it is.
1/10 – Dog shit with a broken control pad stuck in it. I’m hoping this score is as rare as the perfect 10… time will tell… time will tell.