Let’s gets excited for VR!
Who doesn’t like lists? Who enjoys randomised pointless conjecture regarding Virtual Reality? I do!
With Playstation VR primed for the general public, here’s a selection of game ideas I’ve been desperate to play.
Where are the trailblazing Miyamotos of the VR world? Where are the pioneers giving us experiences we simply cannot imagine? Standing about in a cave or waving a sword around is a cool tech demo, but not exactly a proper game I’ll return to again and again. New technology, same ol’ ideas. Give it time, they will come.
Mmmm, yes, that’s is very good VR.
Here’s the top 5 games I would love to play in Virtual Reality.
- Mount and Blade / Total War type game. You are General McBillington striding around on your mighty stead. You arrange your troops and survey the battlefield. You scream charge, wave your sword in your arm and send your men into the fray. You step back, see a weakness and order the cavalry to flank the infantry to the right. Congratulations, you have starred in your own episode of Sharpe you dashing sod, you.
Lovely Sharpe.
- Star Wars Lightsaber Battles. C’mon, you know you want it.
- The Stanley Parable. Nope, really. I just want to be Stanley. (Never heard of it? Try the demo which is almost as good as the actual game)
- Zelda Puzzle Virtual Reality Style is a bit like in Nintendo Land. A selection of Mini games where you’re Link fending off monsters with archery, boomerangs, bombs and swordplay whilst solving puzzles in 3D. Da-da-da-DAAAAAAAA!
Coming soon to VR. Maybe.
- You are the block falling to your doom in Virtual Reality Tetris choosing where to land/splat in a 3D world. You are falling down into the ground, you rotate your body to the left to rotate the L shaped block to the left. You walk to the right, the block moves to the right. You jump to speed up the descent. You hum the Tetris music, do do-do-do. Splat. Now you are the next block. You clear the first floor. You vomit as it all becomes too much. You hum the song some more. Oh no, you screwed up the pattern. Your vision blurs. The music gets louder and louder in your head. You walk to the edge of the room as the square block. An arm rests on your shoulder. You discover you are screaming. You take the headset off, tears streaming down your face. Is that blood dripping from your ear? That was the greatest Virtual experience of your life and actual reality holds no more meaning for you.
Alternative directors cut article: –
Please press the red button now.
Fuck the games media: Let’s gets excited for VR!
Who doesn’t like lists? Who enjoys randomised pointless conjecture regarding Virtual Reality? I do!
With Playstation VR primed for the general public the filth games media have decided VR is a fanciful, fluffy idea. I mean they’ve played it for a good year now. After a whole year of telling us this is the future some outlets have decided it will go the way of 3D television.
Sod them and al’ that.
Where are the trailblazing Miyamotos of the VR world? Where are the pioneers giving us experiences we cannot imagine? Standing about in a cave or waving a sword around is a cool tech demo, but not exactly a proper game I can come back to. New technology, same ol’ ideas. Give it time, they will come.
Hey, you want some light evidence?
EXCITE!
“No matter how much you read about how immersive virtual reality is…” – July 10, 2015
http://www.theverge.com/2015/7/10/8925693/htc-vive-wireless-controllers-demo-truck
Translation – I’m in the games media and you little people won’t understand, it’s amazing”
“2016 could be the year of VR” – Feb 29, 2016,
http://www.polygon.com/2016/2/29/11132552/htc-vive-pre-orders
Translation – Emperor Palpatine stroking VR, followed by hushed whisper of “You want this don’t you”.
MUR… CRAP INNIT.
“How virtual reality gaming is blowing its big chance in 2016” – June 21, 2016
http://www.theverge.com/2016/6/21/11990386/virtual-reality-future-sony-oculus-htc-e3-2016
Translation – “I’ve had VR for a year and I’ll shit on it now you little people get to take it home”.
“But do the masses want VR?” – 7 October 2016 (yes, two days ago)
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/oct/07/virtual-reality-future-oculus-rift-vr
Translation – “Obviously I’m suggesting the answers no. The great unwashed are not ready for such a thing”
Ok, I’m being extremely cheeky for mostly comedic effect, but there is a strand of truth here. You can’t spend an entire year bigging something up, saying “you have to try it, you won’t understand, you’re not my dad (slams door shut, sulks in room)” only to shrug your shoulders when the general public finally get to play with it. At least, that’s how it appears.
Here’s the top 5 games I would like to play in Virtual Reality… Insert previous list in brain, now. 4 was a good one wasn’t it.
END of alternative red button article
Normal programming will now resume. Thank you.