Hollywood: Rumours! Rumours we say!
You simply won’t BELIEVE number 5!!! if you do, i’ll find you. and kill you.
Secret scoops about all your favourite Hollywood celebs!
Wow! What have you uncovered this time? I said get on with it you pleb!
WOW! For earlier scoops, click here and maybe… Here. It doesn’t matter. It’s a pack of lies.
1. Funtime director Edger Wright has suffered from alopecia his entire life, but you wouldn’t have guessed it. What’s his secret? The famed director utilises holographic hair! You’ll never see him rocking an afro or a buzzcut though. He only paid for the basic model!
Edger Wright on the night
2. Chris Pratt simply loves Jam! Not raspberry though, he’s not a total cunt.
Cash rules everything around me cream, get the money, dollar, dollar bill y’all
3. Oscar winning dreamboat Leonardo DiCaprio is a renowned vegetarian, but he really ate raw liver on hit film the Revenant! Appearing to gag on the meat led to accusations that he ruined the portrayal of rugged survivalist Hugh Glass. Brilliantly, this was a double bluff to trick his adoring fans, as Leo is a secret meat-eating lunatic! He acted as a rough outdoorsman, in the guise of a vegetarian actor, who is really a meat-eating man! What range! He tricked us all. Give that man another Oscar.
4. Angela Lansbury was one of the original investors in Pot Noodle.
5. Benedict Cumberbatch secretly grew up in the harsh projects of Los Angeles. He fought his way out of ghetto, adopted a gentlemanly tone and said au revoir to the thug life. In the dead of night, you can hear the wistful sounds of Biggie Smalls pounding from his luxury hotel room, as he weeps the night away for the life he truly misses. He’s street name was Toad-Fist.
6. J-Lo is rumoured to still be alive!
80’s Villain
7. Tom Hardy’s real name is Nermile Fudd!
8. Adored lunatic Steven Seagal is a Country and Weston musician, sheriff and sports drink maker. He dyes his goatee jet black and is good friends with man-hunk Vladimir Putin. Seagal now looks exactly like a villain in one of his 90’s films.
9. In the dead of night. When no-one is watching. Jennifer Garner practices on her shiny red unicycle. Sadly, she’s still shit at it.
10. Tough guy Ed Harris has a soft side. He dresses loaves of bread up as members of his family. Aw.
Ed Harris and family
11. Did you know Snoop Doggy Dog’s seminal album “Doggystyle” was a rip off? 1924 album “The Puppy Grind” introduced the world to terms like “Tha Shiznit” on B side “Babypanter”. Alcohol, drugs and mismanagement saved Snoop from a crippling lawsuit, from lovable 1920’s cartoon and singer “Hot-Damn Gee-Willikers Diggidy-Dog”.