Stability, Servers and the Haunting Silence

Dear friends, our collective hobby has grown at an expedited rate. Newly-formed mega-conglomerates pursue and concentrate on ergonomic facades that perpetuate perceived business opportunities in the digital entertainment sphere.

At times this creates perplexing methods which defy expectation or logic. – Oh… a Sangria. I do like a nice Sangria.

So, business practices of the… Hey, where did all this booze come from?

Multimedia conglomerates hold all the cards with the new digital fronti- You know, this rum will almost certainly need a few ice cubes. I’ll go grab some.

Erm, where was I?

Oh yeah, click more for a rant about modern gaming an’ that, whilst I consume the odd fruit juice or two. In fact let’s have a couple now, to loosen me up. Lovely, lovely, stuff.

*glug, glug, glug*robert_davi

So I tell you what… Every now and then I’ll come home from a hard days work ready to play some VR or something and…

*glug, glug, glug*

I’ve got to wait for a stability update on that PlayStation 4. Today it’s version 4.06 and I’ll tell you wot, I don’t mind these updates. I really don’t. Updates are generally a good thing! Make my things better dammit.

What I do fucking mind is that I’ve no idea what it does. What the hell is a stability update anyway. It’s enough to drive you to drink. GREAT OFF MY FUCKING LAWN! Neighbours cat.

*glug, glug, glug* michael-jackson-is-alive

And another thing is whens I turn on that Steam PC bolliocks you get a hundred updates from the games I dont have time to play. Again I don’t mind, its ok. Like, you know, it’s been made better ‘an that. Wots not alright is I don’t have a fuckiong clue whats been made better. Are they removing features>? Remember Plants VS Zombies when they removed MJ! We can’t have that again can we. if you’re really lucky the developers might bother to tell ya what they did to the game you bought. Most times they can’t be bothered. Some cleverclogs on the steam forums might ask “so what does this update do?” and if you’re lucky some bastards respnded.  I hyust wanna know? Is that too much to ask? Is it? To fuck.

Block of Cheddar

Under Brie

*glug, glug, glug*

Bloody hell, Jamacian Rum. Hnnngh.

*glug, glug, glug*

You fucking people; buying you fucking people online FPS shooters. You fucking people love them don’t you. Are you still playing Star WarsL Battlefront? The Division? Destiny? Plants Vs Zombies 2? Cos now we’ve got Battleborn, Battlefield, Battlecocks, Overwatch. Oh ‘an that Titanfall again, the Call of All Your Duties ebvery bloody year.

*glug, glug, glug*

How logn will thse servers last? You’re not buying quality that will last, your buying a small party popper. The games indutrsys got its wish. You’re leasing the servers, you don’t own shit. Quicok you better pre-order the latest same game each year or youll miss out, we can’t have you missing out can we. You plannign on playing thw single player content to these online only things? They don’t even let you set up yoru own servers these days. They can turn it off, cut you off they own you. Turn you of,f  turn yuou all off. You know whatrs funny! You got to pay for online gming on consoles but not on the pc, hjahahahha. You twats! hahahahaha! Waiy, I’m paying for it too… oh shit.


“Gee, I dunno Ren”

*glug, glug, glug*

Look I’m really sorry, I dint mean to swear or anyting. I’m ok, really. Sorry. Online games are good, you like them, I know. I’m sorry. I know tjey donjt turn them off, not for ages and ages. Sorry. Hey, lets have a drink!

*glug, glug, glug*

I tell you what! If yoyu thihnk big conopabnies give a single shit about you, your mistaken sonshine. You are a number to them, you think yoru little opinions matter to Activation! HAH! They spent 2 months advertsiging on billboards and the telly. You kniw how many people walk into the supermarket to pick up the latyest summer releases sitting nwxt to the chicken? More then any of yoru fuckiers reading about your hobby on a fucknign internet.

Mini Nes

Looks pretty good doesn’t it, what are you whinging about? idiot.


*glug, glug, glug*

Urgh… horse piss.

What the poit of it all? I’m on about that tiny Nintendo Nes thing everyone wants for xmas. Only 30 bloody games? You know youre never gannaplay Balloon Fight ever again, gimmie Joust any day of the week. Fucknig hell have you never hear dof emulators? I’ve had ’em all sitting there for years and I’ve not played ’em! I wanted a tiny Snes with zeldas an’ streetfighters. Ahhh, I’m not bothered about it really, go ahead, I mean I don’t cares you can’t put cartridges in it. It looks pretty cool, if your buyingit, goodf for you! Wot it does tell me is that new games are pretty hard to justify. No, no, no .. wait, I’ll explain. Theres like, a wholo generation of consoles from the playstatyions 1 to the nintendos with hundreds of games on th em, which are still pretty fucking great, all of them cheap, hundreds of classics. No wait, several generations of classics! What compels the galvanised populace to pre-order the newest game releases, when you’ve got hundreds of Link to the Pasts waiting for you? Wait… I do believe I require another drink! Perchance one could enjoy a refreshing Sangria. Frightfully sorry good Sir, I shall return post-haste.

*glug, glug, glug*


You know,m what I’m saying is, your my best fien you are. You fucking legend. I hate ther term legend who are you calling legend you fucking dickl. Yeah eyah yeah, idll happy play the origjnal twiated metal  again. I mena you guys are playing those same shooters over and over again. Man we had counterstrike already, we id all that. Pass thje lemon. Hey, didI tell you about stabity updatedsy. Whatshf the  poitnifthem! FUcj useless.l indditiluvyou.



Oh so tasty