The Brits! The Nominations! The White people!


For unexplainable reasons I don’t watch the Brits Award show. Thanks to the gift of social media I know that people who aren’t white people, didn’t appear to be nominated this year, unless you’re American.

Thinking back to a show I barely acknowledge, all the recent winners do appear to fit a theme; mostly white people playing at soul, possibly heartfelt on a piano. Compliments a nice soap advert. This isn’t about them really. In fact I don’t blame the acts one bit, even if it’s not to my taste.


Who are the Brit pickers? How did they get such a job? Can you apply for such a thing at your local Job Centre? I don’t think the Brit pickers knowingly pick people based on the colour of their skin. It’s deeper. I think it’s more likely the same reason that affects every single person in Britain today, whether they know it or not:

Elite education and the “old pals” act.

Why, you’re a lucky scoundrel, your privately educated parents may decide to educate you privately! You probably have pots of money, and you may get the opportunity to continue such fancy education at a Cambridge, or an Oxford, where you get to become a judge. If you don’t want to be a Judge, that’s ok. You’ve made a lot of (soon to be) powerful friends, and that might help in whatever direction you throw yourself at. From inroads to being a cabinet minister, to being touted for every channel 4 comedy show in the land (until a producer caves in and agrees), the advantages are obvious for all to see. This doesn’t mean those lucky few don’t work hard to succeed, but c’mon, It’s mostly a closed club guys, and you’re not invited. Luck and talent can sneak you in, but that’s getting harder to do, even with the power of the internet.

OsborneWhat does this have to do with the Brits? Everything, really. From that job at the BBC chaired by Tony Hall (independently educated/Oxford,) to that leg up when you want to plug your music. The people in charge are hooray-henrys, so when they run their media organisations they probably hire other hooray-henrys to run the day to day. I can’t imagine those guys are hunting down the next big act, and I’m not sure they are capable of doing so. I suspect they raid other universities known for producing musical talent, ask their friends, or maybe pick the kind of people they naturally gravitate to, maybe on a subconscious level. Not the unprivileged black guy in Tottenham. Same is true of all the comedians that get into comedy via Footlights or your important Dad commissioning telly show. Yes, it even affects other, less celebrated industries, that don’t automatically come packaged with a decadent awards show. Although I would almost certainly watch the North London Fast Food awards hosted by Harry Enfield’s Stavros character.

So… unless ‘they’ let a load of non-white children into Eton en mass, nothing will change… unless everything I’m saying leads to a bloody coup. So we will continue to see a bunch of the white idiots at the top, making a very special effort to pick people by the “right” colour of their skin, in an effort to hide a xenophobic upbringing, to keep you plebs niceeee and quiet. This problem won’t solve itself and you can enjoy a 2017 Brits show benefiting from a teensy bit more diversity, I’m sure it won’t be long before ‘they’ forget about the whole race issue. Again.

Why do people watch awards show anyway? Also who are ‘they’? I wonder if I’ve met ‘they’? Bet they’re nice people, they always are. They don’t have any troubles. In the end ‘they’ will forget about this nonsense because quite honestly, ‘they’ don’t think about such things. After all you can’t fix a problem if you’re not fully aware of it.

Moral of the story. Keep quiet you fucking idiots. Shut the fuck up and buy that album a singy-song talent show gave you. Go on, it’s a poor cover version stripped of its heart, soul and meaning. Go and fucking buy that, its fucking heart-warming,