No Mans Sky: Day One Purchaser Review

I’m a huge fan of hype. No wait, i can explain why.

Let’s take a peak at Brian Concarman, who has decided to rush to the shop in a desperate effort to purchase a copy of No Mans Sky.

Brian has just exited his favoured shop clutching a day one copy of critical smash hit No Man’s Sky. He managed to steer clear of the reviews because of the review embargo and had no idea what he was buying because of the marketing. Blimey, look at the excitement!

Oh, he’s just got home!

“Wow, thats amazing!” Brian clearly seems thrilled.

“You, can like, fly to like places an that. Get out the ship and like, walk around an’ that!”

Brian repairs and gets in his ship to visit another location.

“Oh wow, this one’s all red!”

No mans sky

Explore to your heart’s content!

After finding the shoot button a further half days pleasure is gleaned from the experience. Why, Mr Concarman is practically ecstatic. A day passes and Brian has landed on 30 odd planets, refuelling and admiring the wildlife on the way. Brian says “like” fifteen more times.


Only £14.99

“Is this the whole bloody game? Bloody hell! What, do you mean you just fly around an that? Shooting fucking giant rats and shit?!”

Brian enters the inventory screen.

“Oh fuck off!”

A clever, handsome man enters the scene, picks up Brian Concarman’s discarded cheap copy and twirls his imaginary moustache. He chuckles as he recalls that enough time has passed to rid the game of its most infuriating bugs.

Thanks, foolish bargain bucket supplier.

Thanks Brian.

Thanks hype.


Oh so tasty