Syndrome
Fight-Drink REVIEW: PC VERSION
I’ll be reviewing the following game and drinking heavily.
Released on the 6th of October 2016 Syndrome is a sci-fi survival horror game set on a scary spaceship.
*Glug, glug, glug* – Ohhhh, that’s a smooth rum. Ok, ready?
Bet the company’s called “Yeyland Wutani”
The introduction should come with some sort of plagiarist warning. It couldn’t be more Alien if it tried. A completely innocent wholesome friendly-faced company sends a civilian space craft to a blah blah, possible aliens involved, blah blah.
I wonder… where do.. I… erm.. push the… mmm… button
*Glug, glug, glug*
You wake from hypersleep.. hang on…
*Glug, glug, glug* – I should slow down.
and piss around for a bit. I got lost within minutes as the level design is gash and I ended up wandering back to the very same cryochamber I’d woke from, and didn’t realise it. At least it looks alright for a budget game. I mean, they’ve done pretty well considering.
Important blast windows update. Blast windows are slowly closing. I repeat slowly closing!
Sigh, audio logs… nope, I refuse to pick any up. It’s not long before you’re contacted by some military-type lady who wants you to do a thing, restore power or something and the game decides to channel Event Horizon and (superior and identical) 2013 PC game Outlast, System Shock 2, every other game of this type. Fucking hell, I need a beer.
No.. I’m going back into Cryosleep.
*Glug, glug, glug*
Burp.
So there’s this fucking robot wanker in the dark scary sci-fi ship that’s standing around for no bloody reason. Scary blood all over the wall “. IN fact it’s looking more and more like a piss-poor Outlast and I dunno I need a drink.
*Glug, glug, glug*
What the fuck are you looking at you fucking robot tosser. Rip his head off now. C’mon game, let me destory it right now before he “wakes”.
I shouldn’t drink Vodka, it’s bring out the – oh FUCKING hell, hanging dead bodies like in Predator now and that scary high pitch sound thing. Ya know the one, “EEeeehhhcccccccccckkkkkkkeeeee” but high pitch. like in all rhwse games.
A completely irrelevant scary robot in the middle of a room, doing not much at all.
*Glug, glug, glug*
Fuck.
*Glug, glug, glug*
Vent you fucking vbents bastartfds. Ok, you are walking slowly ducking-like in a vent and the screen goes all weird and trhe main character says some shit like “I’m in event horizon right?”. I mean he must of watched it. fucKing game looks liuke fucking shit anyway! Lpadiong times go on forever, whats it fuycking loading! THE Dark!
Some other tosser asks you to dio a thing and you do it. Vecause fuck it. You alwayd fo it. ID unno why. What the fuck do you want from me. I’m just some cuint walking arounfd a fucking ship. YOu wfucking do it, you walk around a scary ship aagain in a shggame tha
Who goes round painting the walls in blood in these games? Good craftsmanship though, not a drop of blood on the desk.
*Glug, glug, glug*
I’ll fucking fight you, c’mon them/.
*Glug, glug, glug*
I didnt even finsih Outlst and tha was pretty fucjing greatm! i’m not 3i in ah hairy sausege nonster if yuou awanted piles you could cup ft dingles &d ” `i*
Urgnnnh my head.
Bloody hell, it’s actually fucking shit. Buy Outlook, or Alien Isolation or try Slenderman for