Review of all the E3’s: 2017 – Superhyped armchair edition. Turbo.

YES. It’s That time of the year WHEN a load of new game videos are released.

I’ve watched a bit of the ol’ new Shadow of ya Mordor’s and a bit of the ol’ online Pirate Games. Oh yes, they are oh-so-lovely. Although, most of the exciting things tend to have 2018 release dates … Can you wait guys? Can you?

Here are some quick thoughts on the many things I have seen. Many.

That Marvel’s Spiderman

Looks alright. It’s just a preview, and previews are usually pre-rendered adverts. Yes; arch your eyebrow and remain suspicious. Hands up if you’ve ever heard of the term ‘vertical slice’. If not, look it up.

That Shadow of That Colossus

How many times can I keep buying the same game? 3 times is the answer.


Bioware’s newest online Destiny look-a-like, online, sci-fi shooty, flying around, online, masterpiece. Co-op. I’m sure it will be a charming epic brassy set-piece of a game, but I can’t muster anymore words about it. Ok, I lied…

… Extra points for terrible co-op voice-over wafting over the trailer. Those poor actors. Who wrote the script ? That must be a nasty lil’ job.

“Guys, I want you to write a script, where people play computer games online”. A hush envelopes the room. Junior marketing assistant 3 raises his hand. The bright spark suggests that realism could work?

Amazing! Who would have thought “FUK U U NOOB” has led to a 17% rise in consumer hype! Give that man the keys to the executive toilet!

Tired… so very tired..

Look. Every website in the world is doing this E3 nonsense and it’s utterly irrelevant. Skip the middle man.

Sigh… ok. I understand. You don’t want to waste ya time looking through hundred of youtube clips. Fine.

Wolfenstein 2 looks like more Wolfenstein, If you like ya shooty-shooter games, that is. Looks pleasant enough. Metro Exodus looks like it’s totally forgotten to include the Metro bit of the game, and now resembles Far Cry Russia. No, it’s not enough to reference the Stalker games. Will it have the same harshness? The same tension? Like everything here, who knows. You know when you watch a youtube video and you can’t wait to skip the advert… You fucker’s are now watching the thing you normally skip. At some point you’ll likely skip the 5 second advert, to watch the exact same thing! These guys are marketing geniuses!

Speaking of which, this is the only trailer E3 2017 I suggest you watch. It’s rather horrible. Actually maybe don’t watch it… Or any of the above. Hey, there are a lot of great games out now. Too many in fact. Why look to the silly overhyped future when you can enjoy games that deserve critical acclaim right now! Exciting right! Check out a list here.