8 Practical Things you can do to make Money as a Musician.

Pay attention now

These quick tips are potentially time dependant. I said possibly.

    1. Practice, Practice, Practice small talk. You’ll need to network.


      “Yes, I too like Suede.”

  1. Have wealthy parents. Ensure you do not squander this gift purchasing bat-based crime fighting equipment.


    oh, la-de-dah. I do hope young Bruce is studying his latin fromage business studies homework

  2. Claim disability benefits *if still exists*


    My spinal cord was injured in twelve places on black Friday.

  3. Write some dance tunes under an assumed name for a quick buck, while you work on promoting your real stuff.

    DJ Wood

    Hold Tight! Woodside crew in effect! On the ones and twos.

  4. Introduce whale-song into all your tracks claiming it’s to help a marine biology charity (yes, pocket the dosh). It’s not a lie if you really believe it.

    helping hand

    Changing the world for the better, one small lie at a time.

  5. Buy a drum machine, so what if it’s shit and ruins the live experience? Like you can park in London.

    a cunt

    If he keeps at it, he might make a career out of this. Good luck young man.

  6. Join an exciting popular band that already makes money, like the Rolling Stones or something. That’s obvious, you dummy. What are you, stupid or something?


    Who in the fuckhats are these guys?

  7. Wear meat.

    sexy Kebab suit

    Sexy Kebab outfit