For unexplainable reasons Retailer HMV SeNT ME an email, in a desperate attempt to sell me things.
Morbid curiosity got the better of me. I had to look at this advert.
Full title – “Batman vs Superman: 5 Reasons we need to shill this product. Ye Gods! Please buy our stock!”
So here are HMV’s top 5 reasons to encourage me to buy the Blu-Ray… ok, what have they got?
1. It looks incredible…
Oh dear, not a good start. We can’t outright lie to you and tell you its ganna have a great story, but hey, it looks nice.
2. It’s a long watch, but they cram in so much…
Immediately followed by its too damn long! Cleverly its not mentioned whether what’s crammed in is any good or not. I suspect a career in legal jargon beckons for our salesman.
3. Ben Affleck is worthy of the cape…
This is the only true fact.
4. Jesse Eisenberg eats all of the scenery…
Mostly because he resembles a twitching lunatic rather than Lex Luthor.
5. There are plenty of new friends to meet…
Apart from all the characters that you already met in Man of Steel. These cameo’s are essentially in-film trailers for upcoming DC films… and that’s the best thing about this film?
I bet you, by the time the writer got to number 5, he had his head in his hands, weeping, when suddenly inspiration hit him.
“Not only can I finish my list, but I can sell the idea of future films! TRAILERS in FILM! Eureka! I’m a marketing genius!”
I have to admit, this is a genuinely impressive list. You try thinking of 5 reasons.