Short Game Reviews

Short game reviews, now with scores! Now, go on your way you cheeky scamp.

Stikbold! – A Dodgeball Adventure

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Remember that film? Ya’ know, the one with pretty much the same name? Had that actor in it? You know the one, has a head shaped out of haunted Brie. This is a computer game, based on the sport dodgeball, which is a bit like that film. Got that? Good.

Stikbold looks rather silly doesn’t it, go on, go have a look at the pictures… I’ll wait. Makes sense when the sport’s based around throwing weighty objects at children’s heads. Excellent, we can all get behind that concept.

Let’s find ou- *SMACK* “Ooooofff! You bastard.”

Gurgle

Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival

Dino Dini’s Kick Off Revival

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

I did a potentially bad thing… but hear me out first. Don’t prejudge, but I preordered Kick Off Revivial. I know, I know. Preorderings a ludicrous thing to do.

Once upon a time there was a game called Kick Off 2. It was a long long time ago, before electricity was invented, all your fancy-pants devices ran on steam. Yes, even the toaster, which made the bread soggy. ohhhh… These were tough times. In this era I had no income and had no real idea of the concept “disposable income”. When I received an offer to play a brand new game for my Amiga for free, I took it. To this day I have had no idea where those magically appearing floppy discs came from.

I owe Dino Dini some money.

I hope the games not a load of old tosh.

Update – In a fit of madness the decision was made to review patch 1.3. Yes, I’m an Idiot.

KICK OFF!

Dex header

Dex

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

I’d never heard of Dex. But no… wait. This is enhanced Dex… meaning it’s far better than the normal everyday Dex you’ve enjoyed. Note – I’ve no idea what part of Dex is enhanced.

Originally a successful kickstarter campaign in 2012 the game was released last year. Thanks for the facts Mr Billy Internet.

Side scrolling cyberpunk… wait CyberPunk? Are we talking about Bladerunner again? Also why Punk? Can’t it be Cyber-Guys, Cyber-Gents, Cyber-Coats, Cyber-Chavs?

Reminds me of The Way, which was reviewed a month ago. Dex does look graphically similar. Ye gods, I hope this isn’t anymore nostalgia bait.

(more…)

House of the Dying Sun

House of the Dying Sun

House of the Dying Sun 6

Despite how it looks, I’m doing rather well here. Honest.

SHORT REVIEW: Early access REVIEW – PC Version

Put away your flightsticks young man. Please remain calm sir, I’m not talking about VR Porn.

The resurgence of the space flight sim is a wonderful thing. The games industry ignored the genre and you hear the sound of a thousand publishers weeping as Star Citizen crosses the $100,000,000,000,000.24 mark.

On first glance you would think my trusty flight stick would get a run out here, but nope. Control pad recommended, as this has more in common with Colony Wars on the Playstation than Elite Dangerous.

Let’s hold hands to cross the road as we ask the question, to looming trucks headlights. Is that a good thing?

From the official website – “right now I have no plans to add or change anything major to the game. The remaining work will center around bugs, weapons, upgrades, wave clear, and mission balance.” Great. Let’s review this sucker now and revisit on official release.

Blast Off an’ that

fallout shelter

Fallout Shelter

SHORT REVIEW – FROM THE TOUCHLINE – ANDROID VERSION

Welcome to today’s game, Portugal Vs Iceland.

Kick off 8pm. Referee: Mr Quaki Limbeer.

“So Faulstinho Di Trickyshit, have you tried Fallout Shelter?”

“I loves the Fallouts! Boom, head explode! Very funny.”

“erm, I don’t think this is the Fallout you’re thinking of Faulstinho.”

“Yes, I cant wait to explore!”

Kick off

shadow of mordor header

Shadow of Mordor: Game of the Year Edition

Middle-earth™: Shadow of Mordor™ - Game of the Year Edition sunset

Sweet Sunset over Mordor. Please remember, you can push O for your hanging pleasure.

Short Review / SEMI-RETROSPECTIVE : PS4 Version

You’ve seen the “Lord of that Rings” film, now get ready for another computer game. You play as Talion, a ranger man with spooky powers. Now buckle in for a buzzword of a exciting word and verb noun MacDonald.

Hmm, it’s a bit of an old game to review, a whole year and a bit ago. In game years (much like dog years) you could say it’s technically over 7 years old now. Let’s not worry about time or relevance. None of that matters. Nothing ever matters.

Disclaimer – The following contains vast amounts of swearing, which sounds as if I was frothing at the keyboard. So please, imagine a dishevelled hermit screaming from a rock, wrapped in a formally wet smoking jacket made from own-brand tissues.

On with the Show!

Downwell header

Downwell

Downwell boom

Ka-Boom and friends

VERY SHORT REVIEW: pc VERSIOn

An independently made game? In this day and age? Well I never.

Who is this little bloke falling down a well? Why jump down a well? For riches? Fame? For Fun? Doesn’t sound fun to me. In fact it sounds horrifying.

Who in the buggary-hats came up with such a horrible concept? Let’s see if I can get past this haunting premise…

Jump!

Gravity rush

Gravity Rush Remastered

Gravity Rush™ Remastered 1

    Oh, Hai Kat.

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSIOn

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! The game.

The original Gravity Rush was released on an abandoned handheld system back in 2012. What a delightfully innocent time. Arrr 2012, a time where you can leave your front door open, use the term “cowabunga” and cripple bullies without he need for police involvement.

Anyway, the original version fully exploited the lil’ PS Vita system, using every gimmick in the book. A few years later we warmly welcome a re-purposed, re-released Gravity Rush for the PS4. Sliding into scene with updated controls with a lick of new graphical paint, we ask the question…

Does it blend…  No wait…

…Does it hold up?

Shadwen

Shadwen

shadwen nice

Brown. Brawm. Bronw. Brawn.

sleepwalker-amiga

You little Sleepwalking wanker.

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Shadwell.

Sleepwalker was a great little game. Do you remember it? You had to babysit a sleeping idiot child forever walking forward into traps. It was a novel idea at the time. Ok the idea itself was great, but I didn’t really like the actual game. Frustrated the hell outta me.

Hey? What’s this Shadwen game? Just where did that come from?

Hold on, what does it want? Why is it holding a knife? Oh f-

Shadwell?

overfall header

Overfall

Overfall orc fight

Casual street fight

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

What the hell is this? That Don’t Starve boat edition? Great, I do like me a bit of Don’t Starve. Oh… it’s not that. Another Kickstarter thing? Psssfh. Fine…

Turn based permadeath roguelike randomly generated world with a wanky quest. Enough buzzwords for ya’? Yeah? Great.

Let’s do it!

Let’s set sail

theway title

The Way

theway shipshot

Why, it’s a spaceship. Anyway, blap blap blap.

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

The Way was successfully funded via a Kickstarter campaign, citing inspiration from Another World, Heart of Darkness and Flashback. And introducing Pixel art, nostalgias best friend. 

What a promising start to The Way. A sombre introduction with beautiful artwork. I’m looking forward to this.

Shall we compare the game and art direction to some other things? I like that. I’m sure you do too: –

  • Ok, it’s like “Gods Will be Watching” meets 2D “Dreamweb”
  • Or maybe “Chuckie Egg” meets “Custer’s Revengeance”
  • How about “Another World” meets something with pixels.

Anyway, Looks nice, Let’s start this sucker up

Postal-Redux

Postal Redux

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

I didn’t play Postal the first time round but I do have vague memories of the media nonsense surrounding it. Why… It was a very long time ago now.

I had to look it up, how the hell would I remember any of this? Bloody hell, was originally released in 1997. Now we have the Redux released a couple of days ago.

Has Father Time been kind to Postal?

Was a remaster warranted?

tales from the borderlands

Tales from the Borderlands

tales gang

Howdy Folks!

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

5 Episodic Chapters, 5 Reviews, 5 characters, 5 Fingers, 5 Sweet & Sour Ribs (starter), Five. 

The following contains a loose collection of thoughts as I adventure through Pandora. Pandora is the name of the Borderlands world. What do you mean you knew that already? No need for that language! Look, I was simply explaining just in case you had no idea. You want me to go into the legend Pandora’s box? No? Well shutup then.

Anyway, let’s start the show!

stellaris

Stellaris

stellaris battle

This isn’t really what the games about. Looks nice and exciting though.

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Review of a 4x strategy game? Oh dear… Reviews for games of this genre tend to waffle on a bit, innit’. Not on this website, oh no. This calls for a short review

“What is a 4x strategy game?” you mutter. Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence.

karate kid

You are. Oh yes, you are.

Paradox Interactive have made some of the finest nerd games known to man, in fact Crusader Kings II is one of my most cherished playthings in recent years. Even if it was a massive pain in the arse to get into.

How do Paradox fare when they come to boldly, something, man has gone to something, something, before. Space.

To infinity… and beyond!

Hyper Light Drifter: Update

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

A few updates later and the game deserves, no, demands a score revision.

My original review is here. scoring an excellent 8.

Hyper Light Frog

Only leaves the house to go to the shops.

Hyper Light Guy

Hey little guy!

9Bug fixes are great. Possibly enough to bump the score to a 9, but today marks the official inclusion of local co-op. We all know what that means.

Hyper Light Drifter has been bestowed a mighty 9. 

Everything with co-op is better, even exploring a dying world or mutual cheese shop theft. Next week I’ll give it a 10 when it includes the promised FTSE 100 index trading mini-game.

Unsure what the numbers mean? A score guide can fix what ails ya’.

uncharted 4

Uncharted 4: The Thief’s Big Parsnip

uncharted 4 yeah

Dynamic Duo! Terrible Twosome! Pair of Thieving Cunts!

SHORT FAKE REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Please sit down in an oversized cozy chair as I regale you with some affable lies. YES! We shall review Uncharted 4 without playing it.

No, I didn’t manage to get a stolen copy, nice work crooks. Anyway, lets predict the gaming media’s reviews!

Uncharted 4: A Thimbles End begins with an bombastic intro. Taking cues from all your favourite Hollywood films, it explodes on screen with exciting set pieces and some climbing that you cannot fail.  (more…)

Enter the Gungeon

Enter The Gungeon

Got Gunegoned

Got Gungeoned

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I’m in love with Enter the Gungeon, it plays great, its replayable and I already know, even at this early stage, that I’ll regularly come back to it over the coming years.

But this is the internet. We can’t have nice things, so lets completely tear it apart. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You filthy internet scum, you disgust me.

(more…)

Superhot

Superhot

Superhot

Super get shot

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Super fop, Super mop, Super Cop starring Jackie Chan. 

I’ve played some amazing games that break the fourth wall in recent times. Stanley Parable, Undertale, Pony Island and now Superhot.

The Stanley Parable was ridiculously clever and very few games have ever made me laugh as much. Undertale is an incredible adventure that has heart. Both of these games are special and toyed with the relationship between player and creator. Playing Pony Island soon after Undertale…  juuuuust about got away with it.

Now we have Superhot… (more…)

Devil Daggers

Devil Daggers

Devil Duh

Welcome to Doom / Or a prog rock album cover

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Satanic Knife-set, Lucifer Shivs, Devil Chopsticks, Robert Duvall Digger.

Devil Daggers chucks you far in to the deep end. No tutorials, no guidance and a swift death.  You operate within a small space with Eldritch Monstrosities throwing themselves at you until you weep and run away. Or attempt to shoot them whilst running away, mostly running away.

Why… that could make for a rip-roaring fun time! (more…)