shadwen nice

Brown. Brawm. Bronw. Brawn.


You little Sleepwalking wanker.



Sleepwalker was a great little game. Do you remember it? You had to babysit a sleeping idiot child forever walking forward into traps. It was a novel idea at the time. Ok the idea itself was great, but I didn’t really like the actual game. Frustrated the hell outta me.

Hey? What’s this Shadwen game? Just where did that come from?

Hold on, what does it want? Why is it holding a knife? Oh f-



Empire – Typical episode review.

The Scene: A tacky penthouse adorned with cheap props.

Enter Lucious Lyon mumbling, scratching and complaining. He acts and looks like an early 90’s tough gangster type. For no reason whatsoever he sits at the piano and breaks out in song. He sounds closer to Stevie Wonder, instantly breaking the tough gangster illusion the show so desperately craves.

The song is heartfelt tale about his troubled childhood and scotch eggs.


overfall header


Overfall orc fight

Casual street fight


What the hell is this? That Don’t Starve boat edition? Great, I do like me a bit of Don’t Starve. Oh… it’s not that. Another Kickstarter thing? Psssfh. Fine…

Turn based permadeath roguelike randomly generated world with a wanky quest. Enough buzzwords for ya’? Yeah? Great.

Let’s do it!

Let’s set sail



TELEVISION NOT REVIEW: SEASON 1, 2, 3 & 4 plus Halloween AND xmas SPECIALS

It’s incredibly difficult to put my feelings for Luther into words. It’s a great show, not because of the script, that’s mostly tosh, but the acting performances are exemplary. 

Luther is an obsessive no-nonsense police detective, shaking filing cabinets with pure man rage.

A comprehensive review follows.

theway title

The Way

theway shipshot

Why, it’s a spaceship. Anyway, blap blap blap.


The Way was successfully funded via a Kickstarter campaign, citing inspiration from Another World, Heart of Darkness and Flashback. And introducing Pixel art, nostalgias best friend. 

What a promising start to The Way. A sombre introduction with beautiful artwork. I’m looking forward to this.

Shall we compare the game and art direction to some other things? I like that. I’m sure you do too: –

  • Ok, it’s like “Gods Will be Watching” meets 2D “Dreamweb”
  • Or maybe “Chuckie Egg” meets “Custer’s Revengeance”
  • How about “Another World” meets something with pixels.

Anyway, Looks nice, Let’s start this sucker up


Postal Redux


I didn’t play Postal the first time round but I do have vague memories of the media nonsense surrounding it. Why… It was a very long time ago now.

I had to look it up, how the hell would I remember any of this? Bloody hell, was originally released in 1997. Now we have the Redux released a couple of days ago.

Has Father Time been kind to Postal?

Was a remaster warranted?

tales from the borderlands

Tales from the Borderlands

tales gang

Howdy Folks!


5 Episodic Chapters, 5 Reviews, 5 characters, 5 Fingers, 5 Sweet & Sour Ribs (starter), Five. 

The following contains a loose collection of thoughts as I adventure through Pandora. Pandora is the name of the Borderlands world. What do you mean you knew that already? No need for that language! Look, I was simply explaining just in case you had no idea. You want me to go into the legend Pandora’s box? No? Well shutup then.

Anyway, let’s start the show!


Salt and Sanctuary

salt 2

Salt and Sanct, take the freshness back.


Originally released on the PS4 to warm criticism, the pc community now have the privilege to see what the fuss is about, if so inclined.

Salt and Sanctuary is a tough side scrolling adventure with deliberate mechanics, rewarding precise attacks and a nimble defence. A punishing stamina gauge tests your willpower whilst exotic and varied weaponry and items help keep potential death at bay. The lush and beautifully engineered world betrays treacherous intent, as you scramble through unseen paths, scale stunning 2D architecture slickly introducing witty shortcuts, raising an eyebrow as the masterful circular design reveals itself for an appreciative audience nods.

The elegant art design mirrors a satisfying journey through a startling world filled with charismatic enemies, willing and able, to cut you down at a moments notice. All of this culminates in weighty boss battles demanding your full attention.

An incredibly short synopsis to follow



stellaris battle

This isn’t really what the games about. Looks nice and exciting though.


Review of a 4x strategy game? Oh dear… Reviews for games of this genre tend to waffle on a bit, innit’. Not on this website, oh no. This calls for a short review

“What is a 4x strategy game?” you mutter. Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence.

karate kid

You are. Oh yes, you are.

Paradox Interactive have made some of the finest nerd games known to man, in fact Crusader Kings II is one of my most cherished playthings in recent years. Even if it was a massive pain in the arse to get into.

How do Paradox fare when they come to boldly, something, man has gone to something, something, before. Space.

To infinity… and beyond!

Hey its that guy2

Hey It’s That Guy!


I’m actually finding it really difficult to write this edition of “Hey, It’s That Guy!” as I should probably just post a photo and his name and then leave you to your own personal “A-ha!” moment.

You’ll look at the photo, say “Huh, I can’t believe I couldn’t remember this guy’s name!” and think of at least 3 films you’ve seen him in.

If you’ve seen any horror/sci-fi films over the last 40-50 years, you must know today’s “that guy”.


Doom 2016

New Doom: Again – Super Hyper Release Edition

Publisher spends the equivalent of another games development budget on marketing, review embargo with no review copies before release… Wise to wait. Wise to see if it’s worth your hard earned cash. Wise to dance with a smart cuban heel for pleasant sounds. 

According to the games media New Doom isn’t so bad, good in fact. Erm, if you could consider such statements a review after a single half-day of playing it. Almost as bad as not playing it at all, who would do such a thing.

UPDATE – It’s great. Glad you waited ey’, EY! Wot you ‘n a rush for boi’.

urgh, click here if you feel the need

Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival

Kick Off Revival – Early Thoughts

It’s easy to become cynical when another name from yesteryear, pops out the woodwork to revive a classic.

But let’s not fall into that trap, let’s look a little closer shall we.

No really, what did happen to the Dino Dini generation of the 90’s?

Dino Dini… what a fantastic name! It’s also a name I hadn’t seen for a long time. So imagine my surprise when I came across Kick Off revival.

Update – Time passes. A review appears.

and thats gots mes a thinkin’

brutal doom

Doom (2016) – Brutal Doom

New Dooms out tomorrow. Review copies haven’t been sent out.

Bet it’s going to be a giant pile of shit, or best case scenario, a load of ol’ average. Lets review the true successor to Doom. 


Update – Reviews are in. New Doom isn’t a pile of cheesehats. Shockingly it appears to be great! Woop an’ that. No idea why Bethesda wanted to hide it from critical acclaim? Still, Brutal Doom is still awesome and free to acquire.


Wii U Console

Wii U – Wasted potential

Wii U Games

Just a few decent Wii U Games.

What do you mean the Wii U was a failure? A failure to whom? Business MONEY-MEN SCUM?

The general public appeared to have missed the best Mario Kart, the best Pikmin, and the best Smash Bros. The fools!

I loved what the Wii U attempted. I’m sure a lot of people did. Although…. there is one thing that tickles my annoyance gland.

Not one developer used the Wii U to its full potential. Not even Nintendo.

The following collection of words is essentially a peek into what I really wanted from this strange little box. Or more accurately, a bizarre shotgun rant aimed at no-one in particular.


Hyper Light Drifter: Update


A few updates later and the game deserves, no, demands a score revision.

My original review is here. scoring an excellent 8.

Hyper Light Frog

Only leaves the house to go to the shops.

Hyper Light Guy

Hey little guy!

9Bug fixes are great. Possibly enough to bump the score to a 9, but today marks the official inclusion of local co-op. We all know what that means.

Hyper Light Drifter has been bestowed a mighty 9. 

Everything with co-op is better, even exploring a dying world or mutual cheese shop theft. Next week I’ll give it a 10 when it includes the promised FTSE 100 index trading mini-game.

Unsure what the numbers mean? A score guide can fix what ails ya’.

uncharted 4

Uncharted 4: Review Comparison

Like sexy criminals we broke the review embargo with the incredible gift of the imagination. Ok, I told, I told, a load of lies.

The review embargo curse has been lifted. 

Lets see how my disgusting fabrications check out against the gaming media reviews.

My ‘review’ is here for comparison. I violently insist you read it. My review score was a 9, noting set pieces, parsnips, cinematic pacing and all that other stuff Uncharted did before.

Shall we?

facebook - claw

Online Gaming: Hatred

Let’s hope the following jibber-jabber can give you’ll a small insight into why I can’t stand playing online games with people I don’t know.

Technically I should love online gaming, but it’s gone terribly wrong. People have a tremendous capacity to ruin good ideas. 

It could be any game but on this day I installed Left 4 Dead 2. By this day I meant yesterday. I hadn’t played Left 4 Dead in over 2 years and truth be told, I wasn’t very good at it in the first place.