Sleepwalker was a great little game. Do you remember it? You had to babysit a sleeping idiot child forever walking forward into traps. It was a novel idea at the time. Ok the idea itself was great, but I didn’t really like the actual game. Frustrated the hell outta me.
Hey? What’s this Shadwen game? Just where did that come from?
Hold on, what does it want? Why is it holding a knife? Oh f-
The Scene: A tacky penthouse adorned with cheap props.
Enter Lucious Lyon mumbling, scratching and complaining. He acts and looks like an early 90’s tough gangster type. For no reason whatsoever he sits at the piano and breaks out in song. He sounds closer to Stevie Wonder, instantly breaking the tough gangster illusion the show so desperately craves.
The song is heartfelt tale about his troubled childhood and scotch eggs.
The following contains a loose collection of thoughts as I adventure through Pandora. Pandora is the name of the Borderlands world. What do you mean you knew that already? No need for that language! Look, I was simply explaining just in case you had no idea. You want me to go into the legend Pandora’s box? No? Well shutup then.
Originally released on the PS4 to warm criticism, the pc community now have the privilege to see what the fuss is about, if so inclined.
Salt and Sanctuary is a tough side scrolling adventure with deliberate mechanics, rewarding precise attacks and a nimble defence. A punishing stamina gauge tests your willpower whilst exotic and varied weaponry and items help keep potential death at bay. The lush and beautifully engineered world betrays treacherous intent, as you scramble through unseen paths, scale stunning 2D architecture slickly introducing witty shortcuts, raising an eyebrow as the masterful circular design reveals itself for an appreciative audience nods.
The elegant art design mirrors a satisfying journey through a startling world filled with charismatic enemies, willing and able, to cut you down at a moments notice. All of this culminates in weighty boss battles demanding your full attention.
This isn’t really what the games about. Looks nice and exciting though.
SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION
Review of a 4x strategy game? Oh dear… Reviews for games of this genre tend to waffle on a bit, innit’. Not on this website, oh no. This calls for a short review.
“What is a 4x strategy game?” you mutter. Why, it’s a nerd game in which you do a Star Trek. You start with a single planet and attempt to best rival civilisations to take over the galaxy. Hopefully to the soundtrack of an 80’s montage sequence.
You are. Oh yes, you are.
Paradox Interactive have made some of the finest nerd games known to man, in fact Crusader Kings II is one of my most cherished playthings in recent years. Even if it was a massive pain in the arse to get into.
How do Paradox fare when they come to boldly, something, man has gone to something, something, before. Space.
Publisher spends the equivalent of another games development budget on marketing, review embargo with no review copies before release… Wise to wait. Wise to see if it’s worth your hard earned cash. Wise to dance with a smart cuban heel for pleasant sounds.
According to the games media New Doom isn’t so bad, good in fact. Erm, if you could consider such statements a review after a single half-day of playing it. Almost as bad as not playing it at all, who would do such a thing.
UPDATE – It’s great. Glad you waited ey’, EY! Wot you ‘n a rush for boi’.
New Dooms out tomorrow. Review copies haven’t been sent out.
Bet it’s going to be a giant pile of shit, or best case scenario, a load of ol’ average. Lets review the true successor to Doom.
Update – Reviews are in. New Doom isn’t a pile of cheesehats. Shockingly it appears to be great! Woop an’ that. No idea why Bethesda wanted to hide it from critical acclaim? Still, Brutal Doom is still awesome and free to acquire.
Let’s hope the following jibber-jabber can give you’ll a small insight into why I can’t stand playing online games with people I don’t know.
Technically I should love online gaming, but it’s gone terribly wrong. People have a tremendous capacity to ruin good ideas.
It could be any game but on this day I installed Left 4 Dead 2. By this day I meant yesterday. I hadn’t played Left 4 Dead in over 2 years and truth be told, I wasn’t very good at it in the first place.