Planet Xerg has come under attack from the Beastoids. Oh, computer game plots.
Hit mobile game Pokémon GO (also known as “The Poke-mans” by the elderly) has taken the world by storm but we can exclusively reveal yet another damaging news story amidst it’s dark underbelly.
What dark underbelly you say? Oh…. wouldn’t you like to know.
Be warned. The following could chill you to the bone.
Wait… Just how short is Bulb Boy? it took me 98 minutes to save the day and I’d admit, I was in no rush to get to the end. Now I’ve conquered the world and stood upon its flaming ground, beating my chest, I instantly knew in my heart(s) I’d never return. Not even for a trophy or achievement, such is the nature of the point and click adventure game. Especially one without any apparent hidden depths.
Wanna look at some pretty pictures and skip to the score? Yeah, go for it mate.
Stikbold looks rather silly doesn’t it, go on, go have a look at the pictures… I’ll wait. Makes sense when the sport’s based around throwing weighty objects at children’s heads. Excellent, we can all get behind that concept.
Let’s find ou- *SMACK* “Ooooofff! You bastard.”
Once upon a time there was a game called Kick Off 2. It was a long long time ago, before electricity was invented, all your fancy-pants devices ran on steam. Yes, even the toaster, which made the bread soggy. ohhhh… These were tough times. In this era I had no income and had no real idea of the concept “disposable income”. When I received an offer to play a brand new game for my Amiga for free, I took it. To this day I have had no idea where those magically appearing floppy discs came from.
I owe Dino Dini some money.
I hope the games not a load of old tosh.
Update – In a fit of madness the decision was made to review patch 1.3. Yes, I’m an Idiot.
Originally a successful kickstarter campaign in 2012 the game was released last year. Thanks for the facts Mr Billy Internet.
Side scrolling cyberpunk… wait CyberPunk? Are we talking about Bladerunner again? Also why Punk? Can’t it be Cyber-Guys, Cyber-Gents, Cyber-Coats, Cyber-Chavs?
Reminds me of The Way, which was reviewed a month ago. Dex does look graphically similar. Ye gods, I hope this isn’t anymore nostalgia bait.
Despite how it looks, I’m doing rather well here. Honest.
The resurgence of the space flight sim is a wonderful thing. The games industry ignored the genre and you hear the sound of a thousand publishers weeping as Star Citizen crosses the $100,000,000,000,000.24 mark.
On first glance you would think my trusty flight stick would get a run out here, but nope. Control pad recommended, as this has more in common with Colony Wars on the Playstation than Elite Dangerous.
Let’s hold hands to cross the road as we ask the question, to looming trucks headlights. Is that a good thing?
From the official website – “right now I have no plans to add or change anything major to the game. The remaining work will center around bugs, weapons, upgrades, wave clear, and mission balance.” Great. Let’s review this sucker now and revisit on official release.
TENSE!
You want my top 3 E3 announcements? You got them! Firstly, I would have put more but I thought a top 3 was enough for you guys. I would have loved to be there though right in the heart of it, rubbing shoulders with weird corporate folk pretending to be trendy when really they just want your monies, so here goes!!!
I’d just like to say, E3 wasn’t terrible this year. There were many wow factors, a lot of nodding heads and waving of arms so surely that’s positive… oh and there was more VR. We like VR right?
Get excited little people as marketing departments go into overdrive! We can’t ignore marketing now, can we!
With instant information at our fingertips the Electronic Entertainment Expo’s barely relevant these days. I’ve no idea why any games journalist would waste their time going, when you can watch all the trailers from the comfort of home.
So buckle up for the top 3 announcements that excited me this week, as I sipped tea from the comfort of my chair.
“So Faulstinho Di Trickyshit, have you tried Fallout Shelter?”
“I loves the Fallouts! Boom, head explode! Very funny.”
“erm, I don’t think this is the Fallout you’re thinking of Faulstinho.”
“Yes, I cant wait to explore!”
Purchased at the beginning at the year I acquired Mad Max and immediately slogged through the early story missions. I fannied around in the sand dunes, an’ bombed around in Max’s car. Much enjoyment was had. After a few days of play I didn’t return. So how did I manage to play everything else in my collection but Mad Max?
How does that happen?
Virtual Reality headsets are viable now! Remember the Virtual Boy?! Crazy; those crazy Nintendo guys. Put on the special headset, open your eyes and sit in an F1 car, walk through the accountants office or even fly like a bird! You wont puke up, this is the future. You living in the future right now. But remember, vomit will not spill from your gob.
Mmmm, yes, that’s is very good VR.
Year before release. Best pre-order that VR as soon as possible, don’t get left behind, you chumps. We’ve been playing VR a year before release. Eiffel Tower in your house! We can’t describe the experience, you have to try it.
Sweet Sunset over Mordor. Please remember, you can push O for your hanging pleasure.
Hmm, it’s a bit of an old game to review, a whole year and a bit ago. In game years (much like dog years) you could say it’s technically over 7 years old now. Let’s not worry about time or relevance. None of that matters. Nothing ever matters.
Disclaimer – The following contains vast amounts of swearing, which sounds as if I was frothing at the keyboard. So please, imagine a dishevelled hermit screaming from a rock, wrapped in a formally wet smoking jacket made from own-brand tissues.
Ka-Boom and friends
Who is this little bloke falling down a well? Why jump down a well? For riches? Fame? For Fun? Doesn’t sound fun to me. In fact it sounds horrifying.
Who in the buggary-hats came up with such a horrible concept? Let’s see if I can get past this haunting premise…
The original Gravity Rush was released on an abandoned handheld system back in 2012. What a delightfully innocent time. Arrr… 2012… a time where you can leave your front door open, use the term “cowabunga” and cripple bullies without he need for police involvement.
Anyway, the original version fully exploited the lil’ PS Vita system, using every gimmick in the book. A few years later we warmly welcome a re-purposed, re-released Gravity Rush for the PS4. Sliding into scene with updated controls with a lick of new graphical paint, we ask the question…
Does it blend… No wait…
Brown. Brawm. Bronw. Brawn.
You little Sleepwalking wanker.
Sleepwalker was a great little game. Do you remember it? You had to babysit a sleeping idiot child forever walking forward into traps. It was a novel idea at the time. Ok the idea itself was great, but I didn’t really like the actual game. Frustrated the hell outta me.
Hey? What’s this Shadwen game? Just where did that come from?
Hold on, what does it want? Why is it holding a knife? Oh f-
Casual street fight
Turn based permadeath roguelike randomly generated world with a wanky quest. Enough buzzwords for ya’? Yeah? Great.
Let’s do it!
Why, it’s a spaceship. Anyway, blap blap blap.
What a promising start to The Way. A sombre introduction with beautiful artwork. I’m looking forward to this.
Shall we compare the game and art direction to some other things? I like that. I’m sure you do too: –
I had to look it up, how the hell would I remember any of this? Bloody hell, was originally released in 1997. Now we have the Redux released a couple of days ago.
Has Father Time been kind to Postal?
Howdy Folks!
5 Episodic Chapters, 5 Reviews, 5 characters, 5 Fingers, 5 Sweet & Sour Ribs (starter), Five.
The following contains a loose collection of thoughts as I adventure through Pandora. Pandora is the name of the Borderlands world. What do you mean you knew that already? No need for that language! Look, I was simply explaining just in case you had no idea. You want me to go into the legend Pandora’s box? No? Well shutup then.
