My scrapped article had a great intro too, as I was standing on an incredibly cheap box, dishevelled in rags, screaming at passersby’s.
Oh well,
On to a standard ol’ review, this time with a light show!
Director: Adam McKay / Screenplay: Adam McKay, Charles Randolph / Release date: 22 January 2016
Actors: Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling / Genre: Biography, Comedy, Drama ‧ 2h 10m
With a second watch, in the age of gaseous hair mounds, the film’s quite prescient.
President Fart
Making a film about the boring ol’ financial crisis is a potentially foolish endeavour, as we all have attention spans of spanners. No-one says the word spanners anymore. People used to say “that’s blokes a spanner”. I don’t know why being a spanner is a bad thing, I just know that it is. If you do decide to look up spanner pictures, my preference is those adjustable ones, you know the ones? Adjustable an’ that. Now that’s a very fine spanner.
Read more about spanners.
Do you like paying for things that don’t exist? Throwing money at an idea, surely not at the screen? If the answer is yes, than you sir, are in luck!
Here’s a couple of games you can theoretically pay for, right now!
Now updated with new words such as trust and failure.
Director: Bobcat Goldthwait / Screenplay: Bobcat Goldthwait / Release date: 4 July 2012
Actors: Joel Murray, Tara Lynne Barr / Genre: Comedy/Crime ‧ 1h 45m
I’m sure many of you would have missed this film, as typing “God Bless America” isn’t on your daily web browsing agenda. Maybe it is? I don’t know who’s reading this? Who are you people!
Is it lazy to reference similar things? Bah… Let’s be lazy. It will inform your peculiar tastes immediately. God Bless America has a touch of Kick-Ass, Network, Leon and, of course, Idiocracy. Plenty of people reference Falling Down as that’s the most obvious… Not us. Oh no, we won’t reference that!
Did that help pique your interest? Go on you naughty tyke, on your way, go enjoy the film. If you haven’t watched any of the above films…. You’ve got some work to do. You can always return later. Good luck.
Shadow of the Colossus meets 2D Zelda with a magic arrow and a smattering of pixel art. Everyone loves those games! What could go wrong?
I’m tempted to answer this in a one word answer, but that wouldn’t be any fun would it.
Director: David Ayer / Screenplay: David Ayer / Release date: 12 March 2018
Actors: Margot Robbie, Will Smith / Genre: Comic Book Nonsense ‧ 2h 17m
We got the best actors and CGI and no scriptwriters and the sexy outfits! Battles… YOU WANT BATTLES! We got all the battles. BANG! Franchise! All of your favourites appears, such as “shooting gun man” and “sexy lady!” The word “franchise”. This isn’t a film, it’s an event!
Let’s immediately get into it.
Think I’ll just leave this here…. kinda sums up what I thought in my Switch considerations.
Can you taste that… it’s excitement. Excitement all over the shop! Oh, and the sound of a thousand keyboards duplicating carefully worded press-releases about a thing you can buy! See… I’m doing it right now. Blib, blib, blib… blob, blob, blob. Blib.
How exciting!
So we’ll talk about some boring facts before descending into opinions, shrugs and possibly, hope. Mostly shrugs.
If you are visiting this page without any prior knowledge… Congratulations on venturing into the unknown! If you’ve already watched The Armando Iannucci Shows. Good wasn’t it!
Iannucci is known for Veep, the Day Today, The Thick of It and even Alan Partridge.
But did you know, (no, not you, we’ve already established that you’ve seen it) that Iannucci made a self titled show in 2001?
Wanna hear why it’s still relevant?
Also, I can confirm I’ve said “Iannucci” 4… no… 5 times now. That’s some top stats. You can look forward to more in-depth Iannucci statistics within. 6 times.
Or even…
“I persuaded my editor to let me give it a go, doing a day’s work living in a virtual world created by the Oculus Rift.” – A white gentleman with beard.
Wait, why does this article bother me so much?
I”ll explain why. Hooray!
A bit of the ol’ hippidy-hops. I’m afraid we missed out on the wholesome Xmas and New Year songs. Sorry.
What you need is a nice scratchy irritable sound to compliment this bleak cold beginning to a year. There’s something strangely addictive about this racket. Would make for a good ringtone, especially in a nice quiet library.
Before DOOM we had: –
Not into the man-talking music? That’s ok… I also had some man-shouting trapped in my head. Take your pick. It’s like a popular song this! Shocking.
Lastly I’m happy to report Run the Jewels 3 came out over the Xmas period. Hooray! It’s good too. Sign up from their website the freebie.
It took me 3 attempts to get into Dark Souls. You could correctly argue that’s the games fault. You could even argue that’s my fault for not getting it. Whatever the reason I changed my mind about the game some time later.
Time is a better judge of character then a snap opinion.
Let’s get on with the recap!
Admire me!
I’m exceedingly happy to note you’ve not only returned, but dressed up for the occasion. You look absolutely marvellous today and that bow-tie really brings out your eyes. Now the horrific end of year awards show has passed we can get back to business.
What can you expect this year?
The great review round up! What does that mean?
Come on in and I’ll explain.
Me Sir?
Lumpy applause.
“For the last time tonight, your nominees are: -”
ARGHHH, Run away! Run away! They have actual armour!
“The Winner is…”
Shaky applause.
“I got dat muddafuckin’ trowel money!”
“Your bloody nominees are: -”
“The Winner is…”
Plumber in a onesie.
No applause.
“Cough… The nominees are: – ”
“I’m not sure the point of this award, ok…. The InpuTerror Award for best game featuring a mustachioed man with a brother plumber, from another mother, called Luigi is…”
Stage ready
“Away from the sparkle of Tinsletown, we suspect these A-List dreamboats are very hairy men indeed”
“Your hairy nominees are:-”
“I’m pleased to announce the winner is…”
