I’ve noticed a hardening in recent years, a more callous approach to the well being of our fellow human beings. Quite frankly, you meatbags are disposable.
Especially if you’re young.
It taken a couple of days and hazzah! Thimbleweed Park has been gifted the sacred magic of a number next to some thoughts.
It was strangely difficult to do, as I imaginary wrestled my nostalgia demons. Anyway.
Article has been updated.. Here!
Subjects I attempt to steer clear of on a daily basis. It’s also doing the rounds on various gaming websites, but I’ll make an exception this time. The more people that see this, the better.
Samuel Coster takes to the stage to talk game development and cancer.
Enjoy the work of a lunatic.
I lasted till 1 minute 22. Anything beyond could incite violence or gift the ability to see into the dark realm.
One of the gentlemen* who created one of my favourite games* of all time, has returned to the genre* he helped popularise. Thanks Kickstarter.
Guess I should review this really. I mean, I did throw money at the idea. For comparison I’ve put some of my 2014 thoughts about Broken Age at the end of review.
Ronald Gilbert* / Monkey Island* / Point and Click Adventure games*.
Jingle – Heres the News round up, all the stuff we dug up, stealing from other places, till our web content’s appreciated. (big ending) NEWS ROUND UP
Swiftly followed by some thoughts on newly released mode Dropshot
No humans were harmed in the making of this post.
I’ll begrudgingly waste my introduction on what ‘Berserk’ and ‘Musou’ things are. So don’t be afraid to skip ahead to the review. I’m going to make this as boring as humanly possible, you deserve it.
Musou is the title given to the Dynasty Warrior games and their many, many spin-offs. You take control of a powerful individual slicing through hundreds of soldiers to carry out objectives on a teeming battlefield. Nice. Sometimes you’re charged with dicing a particular enemy, or the most dreaded of missions in which you protect an idiot AI. Damn your eyes escort missions! These games are closely related to the side-scrolling beat em up of yesteryear. Mindlessly therapeutic. Not for everyone.
Berserk is a grim 1988 manga adapted to every other medium known to man, and is a direct inspiration for things you might already love. I’m pretty confident few people are reading this review without a passing knowledge of the source material; which begs the question, why are you reading this intro? I told you, this is for those without any knowledge of Berserk. Are you mocking me? Oh yes, it’s a big laugh for you isn’t it. ‘Look at him, wasting his time, explaining the things we already know’. Shall I dance now? Dance for your entertainment.
Sigh, anyway. Berserk tells the story of Guts the lone mercenary, and his sexy friendship with another man, and his mercenary group the Band of the Hawk. I’d suggest any newcomers watch the 2012 films, or original 1997 series. The game does a terrible job at digging into the story.
I’m tired now, and that was pretty boring. I’ll finish this tomorrow.
Just buy ’em!
From the Splammo™ ‘Lady Hoof’ range.
Not an excuse to load the page with gifs, honest.
Do you like free thingys? Did you not buy any of the highly rated games of the year? Do you have spare time? Erm, good, I think.
Hidden away on it’s steam page is a small stand-alone Pathologic demo created by the excellently named Ice Pick Lodge. Your mighty test is to find the demo button. So, you can click here for the steam page… if ya’ want.
It’s a standalone experience, so knock yourself out.
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a game of discovery, secrets and surprises. So in essence, fuck the internet right now. It’s like the games media’s running a competition as to who can spoil the game in the most. They might as well start every article with ”ave you seen this, mate!”.
So indulge me as we enter none-spoiler valley, to peek at the most well received game of our time. Incidentally, I won’t insult you by explaining any of the light story elements. Newcomers only need know this; you are the hero Link in the land of Hyrule.
Maybe it’s all the doom and gloom going around, but I have the cure for that.
Remember to rise from your chair to execute ya’ best moves.
Happy Friday
Unfortunately these games take over a year to review, especially as I’m not a fan of cracking premature opinions to a strict deadline. I know, it doesn’t help the clicks. (Note – need more clickbait). Wait, new Nier’s out already!? Wait, I don’t have advertisers to suppliant!
Good news! I have played lots of other games. Bad news. I’ve not had the ability to really get my teeth in them. Unsuitable for review purposes you might say. Could also say that most of them didn’t deserve the time.
It would be a shame for all that fantastic knowledge to go to waste. So let’s go through each and every one of them. In a paragraph or two. So c’mon guys, check out this hot take.
I don’t know what a hot take is. Why is it hot? Truth be told, it’s likely cold now.
C’mon guys, check out this cold take.
Director: Justin Kurzel / Screenplay: Adam Cooper / Release date: 1 January 2017
Actors: Michael Fassbender / Genre: Fantasy/Science ‧ 2h 20m
I refuse to look up the plot, characters or even basic details such as character names; all in the name of journalistic integrity.
I’m confident that watching the film at periodic intervals with a single eye, is the correct universal method of watching Assassin Creed. Please do not attempt this method with a Torment: Tides of Numenera, as such a game requires your full focus.
So, let’s get started with an in-depth review!
Indignant additional commentary by Joey Jo Jo
Have you ever wanted to experience the giddy thrill of the motorsport management? No…No… Not the cool driving bit, the sitting in the office bit. I’ve no interest in car sports and even less interest in the management side of things. So we bellow from the rooftops, “why am I playing this game and will it send me full Ecclestone?”
That was it for car-themed references, we won’t try that again.
I very much enjoyed Elite Dangerous, up until the time I didn’t. That wonderful apathetic feeling snuck up on me slowly like a cheeky, possibly green Thargoid* in an oversized stetson hat. I must confess, I didn’t visit Elite Dangerous: Arena, the all-action dogfighting spin-off. By all-action I mean, classic continually-turning spaceships attempting to get behind one another, in a glorious loop of attrition.
* A Thargoid isn’t a hemorrhoid cream, but the name of the aliens in the Elite universe.
Anyway, you can no longer buy Arena as a cheap standalone extra anymore. No players, playing, you see. As this modes redundancy arrives as we ask the more important question.
Why didn’t I love Elite Dangerous?
Hey, this works with a topsy-turvy futuristic racing game…
… and that is all.
As a twinkly eyed youth I loved Dougle Dragnet and I’m unsure why there would be a direct sequel in 2017.
I hope the development team have taken note of all the lovely modern progress that’s going around.
My scrapped article had a great intro too, as I was standing on an incredibly cheap box, dishevelled in rags, screaming at passersby’s.
Oh well,
On to a standard ol’ review, this time with a light show!
