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Bears Can’t Drift

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SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Bears (Brian) Cant Drift: The Wacky Karting game for all you crazy kids.

Once upon a time, the world of gaming was awash with cute mascot kart games. As the years tumbled away, the innocent cynical cash grab of the cute mascot racer fell from favour. In the end, only Mario Kart stood tall with competitors shrugging their shoulders with hands in pockets, smoking around a fiery dustbin.

Anyway.

Let’s check out Bears Can’t Drift… I mean its got a great name and who doesn’t like bears? I do like a neat little karting game.

beep beep

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No Mans Sky: Day One Purchaser Review

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I’m a huge fan of hype. No wait, i can explain why.

Let’s take a peak at Brian Concarman, who has decided to rush to the shop in a desperate effort to purchase a copy of No Mans Sky.

Brian has just exited his favoured shop clutching a day one copy of critical smash hit No Man’s Sky. He managed to steer clear of the reviews because of the review embargo and had no idea what he was buying because of the marketing. Blimey, look at the excitement!

Oh, he’s just got home!

Lets sneak peak into the world of Brian

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Camping adventures in Rimworld: Part 2

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Rim, Rim, Rim. Rimworld. You might be wise to read Part 1 here, or if you’re the kinky sort, a proper decent old fashioned review here.

Part one introduced us to the incredible team of Lloyd the pissed, Vix the master builder and some other guy as they began a slapdash attempt at survival in a harsh alien environment. Oh, also Gerald the monkey, don’t forget the pet monkey. They had survived a season without any serious problems and now we ask the question.

Wot next?

To the campsite

Banshee

Banshee – Three Season Round Up Extraordinaire

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TELEVISION REVIEW

A mostly spoiler free-review of the explosive hit television show. Also with swearing because I’m pretty sure any talk of Banshee demands a liberal amount of swearing.

I loved the first two episodes back in April and have burned through season one, two and three. Impressive right?

So… Did it get better?

I was tempted to replace the entirety of this review with pictures of delicious full plates of pies. Not just any pies… Steak and booze pie with lashings of gravy and mash. No captions required. It would represent how I feel about the show far better then stupid bloody words.

Anyway, I wont go on. A brief article to follow.

Blue comments & gif additions by Joey Jo Jo

Stupid bloody words

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Camping adventures in Rimworld: Part 1

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Rimworld is an unfinished group survival game I’ve spent far too much time on. A loving propa’ review is here.

In an incredible turn of events Rimworld allows you to set up your own scenarios. Joy! We can’t pass this opportunity up. Let’s see what happens when we set the game to it’s more interesting randomised settings. How will our three campers fare in the: –

“The Great Camp”

Tagline – “Three friends go on a camping adventure that will forever change their lives”.

Wot could possibly go wrong?

To the wilds!

sings on loop fi

Songs on Loop – #6

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RUN THE JEWELS – ALL Due Respect

Was tough choice between Run the Jewels and Christopher Walken saying “Pistachios” on loop over and over again, but it appears I dreamt that.

A wise man plays Run The Jewels as loudly as possible.

Especially this track.

Additional

RUN THE JEWELS – GET IT

This song was trapped in my head for a good 2 weeks in July.

Party Hard

Party Hard

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SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Marty Facade at Mardi Gras looking to Party Hard.

*Glasses precariously balanced on the edge of nose, whilst looking over the rim* Oh yes… a game called Party Hard you say. *Pushes glasses with index finger into correct position*. A game in which you take control of a small pixel art chap, running around a single screen clearing the party of its guests. Very well. Seems like the sort of thing you whipper-snappers would enjoy.

Party Hard

Hnngh, gotta Party Hard

satellite reign

Satellite Reign – 4 Player Co-op

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Once upon a time, back in the heady days of March, I spouted word gibberish about my love for Satellite Reign. It was in fact, the 2nd review eva’ round these parts. What a golden era that was.

Satellite Reign was a modernised Syndicate, in which 4 agents ran around the street mowing down civilians with a mini-gun. Yes, it was a delight. You can have a little read about Satellite Reign here, or look at a picture of original 90’s hit game…. here.

Syndicate

I love the smell of mini-gun in the morning.

You can even read more on co-op…. wait for it…. here.

More Boy?!

pokemon

Pokémon GO: Initial thoughts

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The worlds gone crazy for those Pokémon things. Wait… Maybe the world hasn’t. Maybe the press has gone crazy for those Pokémon things. It does make for a pleasant distraction from the constant horror of this world. So much horror.

What follows is a collection of thoughts from your friends at Inputerror. What do we make of Niantic’s smash hit walking around simulator?

Catch!

Cassidy

Preacher – The Last Preachering: Part 3

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SPOILER-FREE TELEVISION REVIEW: SEASON 1 – EPISODES 5, 6 & 7

We have entered a somewhat dreary mid-point, can they pull it back? Let’s take one last final look at Preacher, as there’s little more to say about the show. That’s not a good sign.

I very much suspect the show will end with a big-bash-boosh of a tarty ending. So let’s all assume we’re all happy at the end and looking forward to the next series, which would, no doubt, be bigger and better.

You can read excitable gibberish about episodes 1 and 2 here, and less excitable nonsense on episodes 3 & 4 here.

It’s still mostly-spoiler free cos nothings fucking happened.

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pokemon

Pokeman Go: Disturbing News

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Nintendo have done it again. Share prices skyrocket, fatally injured children and people are once again collecting things, in a slightly mentally-unwell way.EXCLUSIVE

Hit mobile game Pokémon GO (also known as “The Poke-mans” by the elderly) has taken the world by storm but we can exclusively reveal yet another damaging news story amidst it’s dark underbelly.

What dark underbelly you say? Oh…. wouldn’t you like to know.

Be warned. The following could chill you to the bone.

Click to reveal!

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Bulb Boy

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Very SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

An incredibly short game deserves a brief review with humourless tagline. We’ve no time for this. C’mon, chop chop. On with it. 

Wait… Just how short is Bulb Boy? it took me 98 minutes to save the day and I’d admit, I was in no rush to get to the end. Now I’ve conquered the world and stood upon its flaming ground, beating my chest, I instantly knew in my heart(s) I’d never return. Not even for a trophy or achievement, such is the nature of the point and click adventure game. Especially one without any apparent hidden depths.

Wanna look at some pretty pictures and skip to the score? Yeah, go for it mate.

Point

Stikbold! – A Dodgeball Adventure

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SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Remember that film? Ya’ know, the one with pretty much the same name? Had that actor in it? You know the one, has a head shaped out of haunted Brie. This is a computer game, based on the sport dodgeball, which is a bit like that film. Got that? Good.

Stikbold looks rather silly doesn’t it, go on, go have a look at the pictures… I’ll wait. Makes sense when the sport’s based around throwing weighty objects at children’s heads. Excellent, we can all get behind that concept.

Let’s find ou- *SMACK* “Ooooofff! You bastard.”

Gurgle

Detectives in front of shops

Review of every consultant detective show ever

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Detective shows are great aren’t they? Everyone likes clever-dicks working through clues and making up a load of ol’ twaddle.

Do you know what’s better than a police detective?

Yes, that’s right, a smug consultant showing the incompetent police how it’s done.

Let’s enter the nosy, busy-body world of top notch amateur sleuthing. They don’t play by the rules, they don’t know the rules.

Insert the finest tobacco into your favoured pipe, as we review every single one of these shows ever! At the end we’ll decide which one is the best!

Follow the evidence

Dino Dini's Kick Off Revival

Dino Dini’s Kick Off Revival

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SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

I did a potentially bad thing… but hear me out first. Don’t prejudge, but I preordered Kick Off Revivial. I know, I know. Preorderings a ludicrous thing to do.

Once upon a time there was a game called Kick Off 2. It was a long long time ago, before electricity was invented, all your fancy-pants devices ran on steam. Yes, even the toaster, which made the bread soggy. ohhhh… These were tough times. In this era I had no income and had no real idea of the concept “disposable income”. When I received an offer to play a brand new game for my Amiga for free, I took it. To this day I have had no idea where those magically appearing floppy discs came from.

I owe Dino Dini some money.

I hope the games not a load of old tosh.

Update – In a fit of madness the decision was made to review patch 1.3. Yes, I’m an Idiot.

KICK OFF!

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Preacher – Follow up

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SPOILER-FREE TELEVISION REVIEW: SEASON 1 – EPISODES 3 & 4

Excitement can lead to words like “tantalising” and “relentless”. Madness I say.

A great pilot doth not maketh the great show so let’s, once again, plunge slightly sideways into the gruesome world of Preacher.

I asked the question can Preacher keep up the relentless pace?

Well do ya? Punk?

You can read excitable gibberish about episodes 1 and 2 here, which might help with the following.

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