A bit of the ol’ hippidy-hops. I’m afraid we missed out on the wholesome Xmas and New Year songs. Sorry.
What you need is a nice scratchy irritable sound to compliment this bleak cold beginning to a year. There’s something strangely addictive about this racket. Would make for a good ringtone, especially in a nice quiet library.
Before DOOM we had: –
Not into the man-talking music? That’s ok… I also had some man-shouting trapped in my head. Take your pick. It’s like a popular song this! Shocking.
ROYAL BLOOD – FIGURE IT OUT
Lastly I’m happy to report Run the Jewels 3 came out over the Xmas period. Hooray! It’s good too. Sign up from their website the freebie.
We review the review? Sounds stupid. You might have a point…
It took me 3 attempts to get into Dark Souls. You could correctly argue that’s the games fault. You could even argue that’s my fault for not getting it. Whatever the reason I changed my mind about the game some time later.
Time is a better judge of character then a snap opinion.
“I’m not sure the point of this award, ok…. The InpuTerror Award for best game featuring a mustachioed man with a brother plumber, from another mother, called Luigi is…”
Eggs applauding as they are squeezed from the chickens arse. They somehow clap as they roll towards the edge of the table. Screaming as they reach the edge, cracking in a gooey mess. Still they clap. They never stop. Please stop the eggs from clapping.
Director: Gareth Edwards / Screenplay: Chris Weitz, Tony Gilroy / Release date: 13 December 2016
Actors: Felicity Jones, Diego Luna / Genre: Sci Fi/Action ‧ 2h 13m
A Star Wars sub-header
Could Rogue One be the New Hope we’re looking for?
Didn’t like that line? Get used to it… That’s the level of dialogue to be expected from this new Star Wars film.
Sometimes you’ll hear a nice thing about a film… Then a few more nice things. Before you realise it, you’ve resigned yourself to a trip to the cinema. Hopes aren’t overly raised. Prequels are pretty flawed films from the get-go. Still, let’s hope we are taken on a nice journey.
Let’s have a very brief chat about that new Star Wars.
“Ha-HAH! Please stop talking Dave, you bother me…”
Clearly the winner right?
Massive applause from a goat.
“Films have the power to make us laugh, cry and spontaneously combust. Award shows are ultimately pointless, what is the point of it all. The nominees are… ”
“Ha-HAH Dave, that’s right… to the next category. Who will win best new computer game of 2016?”
Intermittent applause, a man screams.
“Who likes the word IP? Or franchise? You people… Casually accepting corporate language…. What next, will you all “touch base?” I bet you all “do lunch”… You make me sick. And the nominees are… ”
Big wordy RPG? Oh no… This is ganna be a long ting innit.
When an ancient looking, sorry, classic Role Playing game is released in 2016, the simplest way to describe it is to reference Baldur’s Gate.
That was released over 18 years ago.
This is what happens when you grow up with games. So, for those that understand that incredibly old reference, skip to the review. If any of you young whipper-snappers have stumbled across this website by mistake, I’ll stick around and attempt to describe what an old-fashioned isometric RPG is.
Quickly.
No, there isn’t any video content… What do you mean you’ll just look it up on that youstubes. You young people, with your flashy comic-sans words, video content and hippidy-hop-scotch ways, not wanting to read things, grumble, grumble.
“So… In a dungeon again?”
You know Fallout 4 and Skyrim an’ that. Baldur’s gate is the 2D version. But better.
Rather than concentrating on beautiful vistas and slow-mo shooting, these crusty ol’ games had lots and lots of words, world-building and ideas. Some of them very silly indeed. I’m confident no RPG has come close to the original Fallouts low intelligence dialogue options. If you create a stupid character, named… erm…. “Rory Plopper”, you weren’t given a penalty to spell-casting or hacking emails. You’ve spawned a barely functioning, simpering idiot, hardly capable of speaking. Don’t you wanna play that game? Don’t you want to be Rory Plopper?
Bloody hell… even the intro was bloody long. Ok, let’s get on with it!
