Videogames

Planet Xerg has come under attack from the Beastoids. Oh, computer game plots.

Titan Souls header

Titan Souls

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VERSION

Shadow of the Nostalgic? Giant Shoes? Titanic Sods?

Shadow of the Colossus meets 2D Zelda with a magic arrow and a smattering of pixel art. Everyone loves those games! What could go wrong?

I’m tempted to answer this in a one word answer, but that wouldn’t be any fun would it.

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Nintendo Switch

Nintendo Switch: Coming soon to a home near you.

You sir! Oh yes, and you Madam! Are you interested in a new Nintendos?! Come, gather ye round, where I shall talk about nothing in particular, about a thing that isn’t out for a few months! Who knows ey’? WHO KNOWS?!

Can you taste that… it’s excitement. Excitement all over the shop! Oh, and the sound of a thousand keyboards duplicating carefully worded press-releases about a thing you can buy! See… I’m doing it right now. Blib, blib, blib… blob, blob, blob. Blib.

How exciting!

So we’ll talk about some boring facts before descending into opinions, shrugs and possibly, hope. Mostly shrugs.

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End of Year recap

The Grand 2016 Review Recap

We review the review? Sounds stupid. You might have a point…

It took me 3 attempts to get into Dark Souls. You could correctly argue that’s the games fault. You could even argue that’s my fault for not getting it. Whatever the reason I changed my mind about the game some time later.

Time is a better judge of character then a snap opinion.

Let’s get on with the recap!

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inputerror awards 2016 6

The InputError Award for Game of the Year 2016

“The final award of the year…”

PES 2017

Me Sir?

Lumpy applause.

“For the last time tonight, your nominees are: -”

“The Winner is…”

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InputError awards 2016 4

The REAL InputError Award for First Person Shooters 2016

“Before GamerDownStreet mysteriously disappeared he expressed the following.”

Huge overbearing applause.

“I wish to live in a world without conflict, a world where we can leave the front door unlocked. A world where I’m allowed into every bedroom! I believe! I BELIEVE this world is within reach! Your nominees are: -”

Devil Duh

Welcome to Doom

  • “Overwatch”
  • “Star Wars Battlefront”
  • Superhot
  • “Your Dooms”
  • “Your Titanfalls”
  • Shadow Warrior 2

    Shadow Warrior

    Looking good big guy.

  • “Battlefield 1”
  • “Battlefield Zero”
  • “Battlefield Alpha One Tangos Moondog X”
  • “Battleborn”

“This year’s best shooty-shooty game is…”

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InputError awards 2016 4

The InputError Award for best First Person Shooter 2016

“Without further ado”

Eggs applauding as they are squeezed from the chickens arse. They somehow clap as they roll towards the edge of the table. Screaming as they reach the edge, cracking in a gooey mess. Still they clap. They never stop. Please stop the eggs from clapping.

“Muh, nominees….”

  • “I don’t care”
  • “I don’t care”
  • “I don’t care”
  • “Call of that Duty”
  • “Cough “

“This year’s best first person shooter is…”

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Fruit Ninja VR Header

Fruit Ninja VR

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

Ninjas come in many guises. This Ninja is a fruit Ninja. This Ninja is very silly. 

Blah, Blah Blah, words. Just have a looksie…

It’s the same ol’ Fruit Ninja cluttering up your phone, jazzed up and re-purposed for your VR pleasure.

We ask the important question… Does it work?

Swish

InputError awards 2016

The InputError Award for best Games Newcomer 2016

“Ha-HAH Dave, that’s right… to the next category. Who will win best new computer game of 2016?”

Intermittent applause, a man screams.

“Who likes the word IP? Or franchise? You people… Casually accepting corporate language…. What next, will you all “touch base?” I bet you all “do lunch”… You make me sick. And the nominees are… ”

Headmaster 3

Looks busy right?

“Pass me the envelope Dave….Look, just pass it… for fuc-… Hey now! AND the winner is…”

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karate kid

Faulstino’s Top 5 2016 Games Troll List

None of you have a gold plated gaming Jacuzzi. None of you matter.

Hello Little People, it is I. Faulstino Di Trickyshit. Football player, model and games entheusthac…Enthusth… Fan.

This years been a great year for me. Remember my calendar is available from all good stores! I’m particularly fond of March. Anyway, here’s a list of the best trolling efforts brought to you by the games industry this year.

Welcome to the 2016 Top Troll Games of 2016 in 2016.

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Tyranny

Tyranny

Not really SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Big wordy RPG? Oh no… This is ganna be a long ting innit.

When an ancient looking, sorry, classic Role Playing game is released in 2016, the simplest way to describe it is to reference Baldur’s Gate.

That was released over 18 years ago.

This is what happens when you grow up with games. So, for those that understand that incredibly old reference, skip to the review. If any of you young whipper-snappers have stumbled across this website by mistake, I’ll stick around and attempt to describe what an old-fashioned isometric RPG is.

Quickly.

No, there isn’t any video content… What do you mean you’ll just look it up on that youstubes. You young people, with your flashy comic-sans words, video content and hippidy-hop-scotch ways, not wanting to read things, grumble, grumble.

Tyranny gang

“So… In a dungeon again?”

You know Fallout 4 and Skyrim an’ that. Baldur’s gate is the 2D version. But better.

Rather than concentrating on beautiful vistas and slow-mo shooting, these crusty ol’ games had lots and lots of words, world-building and ideas. Some of them very silly indeed. I’m confident no RPG has come close to the original Fallouts low intelligence dialogue options. If you create a stupid character, named… erm…. “Rory Plopper”, you weren’t given a penalty to spell-casting or hacking emails. You’ve spawned a barely functioning, simpering idiot, hardly capable of speaking. Don’t you wanna play that game? Don’t you want to be Rory Plopper?

Bloody hell… even the intro was bloody long. Ok, let’s get on with it!

Skip to the Review!

Nintendo Switch

Nintendo Switch: First Look

On a talk show, within a controlled environment.

Warning: May contain Zelda gameplay. Please get excited… Now.

Blah blah blah, just watch the video from 5:40 to jump to Nintendo Switch action. No, I won’t force you to click into the article to register your interest in the matter. No, I wont force you to read my pathetic account of the video, forcing you to you scroll to the bottom of the page to hunt down the juicy video available everywhere.

Enjoy!

A few first thoughts

FIFA 17 Header

FIFA 17: Kidnap Edition

SHORT REVIEW: XBOX VERSION

Hey GamerDownStreet? I SAID HEY! Sigh… He can’t hear me from up here. Let’s go down to the basement.

Right, you play that Fifa don’t cha’. C’mon, quickly now… Give me an intro.

Cough… There’s no questioning that I like Fifa, I have for the best part of fifteen years now and it’s the only football series I’ll ever play. We don’t play that Pro Evolution garbage round ‘ere, no way. I love that EA take the same formula and literally dust it off, repackage it and sell it to us like it’s brand new. If it ain’t broke and all that…

Let’s get to work

Halcyon 6

Halcyon 6: Starbase Commander

SHORT REVIEW: PC VERSION

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine the pixel art computer game; but not really, wink. 

How’s this for a piss-poor first day at work? You finally get that swanky promotion to base commander, only to witness the destruction of your beloved Federation. Those pesky uncommunicative murderous space aliens, always with the random acts of mass slaughter on your happy day. Anyway, I guess you’re the last line of defence, again. So… protect your space station and rebuild the Federation. No problem.

Hey, not the worst set up, is it? I had no idea the game was funded through Kickstarter or created in front of a baying early access crowd. It’s good to be patient.

I’m pleased to report they dodged the “cease and desist” letter from Paramount.

Let’s have a little chat

Driveclub VR

Driveclub VR

SHORT REVIEW: PS4 VR

How many times can you say “It’s amazing sitting in this thing”, before a well deserved slap finds my face. Oh hum. 

I can save you some time here. If you’ve already read the EVE: Valkyrie review, replace the word “spaceship” with “car”, jump to the score and nod approvingly.

Regardless I’ll try to keep it brief. These VR reviews are starting to congeal into a brown pool of review goo with the word immersive stuck in the top. Bit like the flake in an ice cream. An immersive flake.

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No Mans Sky

No Mans Sky gets an update announcement

Blimey, that games company that made that game finally said some things? Good.

The Foundation update you say? Hah… I thought the game had a fine foundations. The static universe, displeasing hype and the lack of meaningful pursuits harmed proceedings. At least 20-odd year old Elite Frontier had light piracy, rising through the military ranks and most exciting of all, being a spacebus.

Saying that, I didn’t hate No Mans Sky at all, in fact, quite the opposite and I’m excited by what the foundation update represents.

Short post-release thoughts… incoming!

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